Hi everyone. This is not going to be easy for me, but I must try. I have been in a relationship with a great lover and friend for years. He has always said we are just friends, as he has deep rooted issues and could not offer more. I have respected that and dearly love our friendship. Over time I have allowed myself to be insulted and offended by his actions not to include me in lots of things. I think I have wanted validation from him for the friendship that exist for what it is. But he seems to think I was pushing for a commitment. All I know is being his friend now hurts me as much as the thought of not having him as a friend. I am confused and hurt. I feel like I have to cut ties with him to save myself. But that makes me so sad, I don't know how to deal with it.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. And I feel like my advice might be hard too- I think I agree that you should try to cut ties. It's so much easier for me to sit here and tell you you need to cut ties than actually doing it- I get that. But I hope over time you can gain that courage. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself (as a friend, lover, and both) and who wants to include you in his life. I am sure he's a good guy and does have his own issues, and that's why he treats you this way- but it doesn't excuse the behavior. I would recommend trying to think about what you really want from him and then asking him for it. If he can't do that for you, you should cut ties. Again, it will be so hard, I realize that, but you need to know that you deserve more. You deserve to have your needs met. He is getting all of his needs met, but he's not doing the same for you. It isn't right, and I'm sure there are many men out there who would love to include you in their lives in every way. But until you break ties with this man, you will never be open to finding that person. I feel like you know this deep down, as you say in your post you feel like cutting ties is the best decision, but I understand how difficult a step that is. Just try to remind yourself you're not losing someone as much as you are gaining your freedom, gaining self respect and empowerment and gaining the opportunity to let others into your life who will give you what you need and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good luck and now that we're here for you! You're stronger than you think and you can get through this.
@lh003 Thank you. And you are totally dead on. I am meeting all his needs, and he has no responsibility to mine. I like that idea…thinking of it as gaining my freedom rather than losing someone. And I do know that until I break my ties with him I will never be open to finding anyone else. Sometimes I need to hear it from way outside of your box. Thank you!