Hi everyone, today I got into a pretty big argument with my boyfriend who is suffering from a pretty serious brain injury. It’s hard when we fight because the arguments usually don’t lead to anything and it always seems to be my fault. I never know how to handle it because I know he doesn’t mean to be angry or say the things that he does. What should I do??
Hey there, lots of hugs and support to you. When a loved one is going through difficulty the ripple effect is widespread. Although they are the ones in pain, we are traveling that road with them. I recently saw a Ted Talks about a woman who went had a brain injury and how she was able to heal from it. She created a game to help others heal as well (called "super better") Not sure how it works, but supposedly it helps people cope with and stay motivated through the healing process. Having fights that lead no where can be draining on the relationship, and the individual coping styles. Maybe tackling his healing as a team might help him feel less combative? what does the group think? anyone ever heard of "super better"?
Thank you for the advice! It's been getting easier just because I think he's been having several good days but sometimes I still worry that we will go back to the beginning. I have not heard of the "super better" but I will certainly look it up maybe it could do me some good.
I have a difficult time with arguments. I have a few TBI behind me. I feel awful when we do argue because I seem to go to absolutes even when I know that's not what I want to say or do.
What has helped is writing. My husband now writes out problems that will ignite my emotional side... I have to wait a day after reading to talk to him about it... getting better with practice to tell him to wrote me if I find my anger or fears getting higher while talking.
At first he thought the suggestion was to help me just avoid it but I have to respond in a day...even if it's to set up a time and day to talk about it.
We actually know keep an email conversation going that doesn't get talked about but where ideas are on how to improve our lives is done... it also includes when he thinks I over reacted but understands, or when I think he was too thick to see the feelings behind my words.
It can get better but it does that practice for whatever techniques you both use. In the beginning my ex, was wonderful and when he say me getting vindictive or lost in the event he would stop us by asking us to go for walk and get a milkshake then we would return...or saying he was the one needing to slow down. It made me stop and calm myself down too.