Hi eveybody. I just joined, i'm new and english is not my first language so forgive me if sometimes i mess everything up. I'm not a SA and i don't know if this is the right place but my fiancé is and i found out yesterday night. I just need to get it all out. He is addicted to masturbation. He has been addicted for years, since he first discovered porn when he was 13. I don't know if he told me the truth but it's been a couple of months since he stopped watching pornography since he thought it was bad for our relationship. We have a long-distance relationship and i've always noticed that he was too "committed" to masturbation but i was afraid to talk to him about it. I thought it was just me and that maybe i was being jealous but yesterday i couldn't take it any longer. Yesterday while we were on Skype and i was doing a research on my computer he started jerking off and he asked me to help him and undress and when i said no he just continued doing it till he climaxed like it was completely normal. I hope i'm not hurting anybody's feelings with my words. I'm still in a bit of a shock and i don't know what to do, what to think. I don't know anything right now..
Hi welcome there are some nice people here for support .. Just ask .
thank you daisy i Just wish i knew how to deal with it. I feel like i m a bad partner cause the first reaction i had was shame and disgust...Now i don't Wanna talk to him, i Wanna avoid IT but i iknow i can't. i can't shake the thought that i m another dependence for him and that i will never be enough for his sexual desires and that if, one day, he ll ever be able to overcome this issue i ll have to be his sex doll and i ll have to worry everytime i refuse to have sex cause i migh have him relapse. I Wanna know why, i d want to scream my disappointment but i know IT d only be worse and mean. I know he S ashamed of that and he S going through a lot as well, i d want to be in this together, i Just don t know how. I feel so **** alone right Now...
Well I hope you don't mind I am the SA if that's what I am .. Is he goin to a therapist .. Or someone to talk to ... Your not alone .
no he S not..he found the courage to even admit IT to himsrlf and to me yesterday...how do you cope with that, daisy? what should i do?
@Pisum90 - Hello Dear, so sorry you are going through this.
I am engaged to a porn addict. We’ve been together 3.5 years, we live together. Mine has admitted to his issues, and we are working on it.
I am in therapy, and my Fiance will be joining my sessions next week.
When there is any addiction, even porn… You need to make a decision.
It may be harder for you, than others because you are in a long distance relationship. It will also make it harder for your guy to have an outlet.
Porn addiction is not always easy to talk about. I feel your guy was trying to have some intimate time with you… even on Skype. Is it romantic? No! Was it the best decision? No! But, he let his sex drive take over. Woman will resent porn, and turn their backs on it. (We discussed this in therapy today). That only makes it harder to deal with. You have a choice to work through it with him, or leave the long distance relationship you are in. The tide is against you because it won’t always be possible for you two to be intimate. I have chosen to meet my Fiances desires, and I actually enjoy doing so. To be honest, I am relieved he chose to come to you on Skype and not some $5 an hour cam girl!
Of course the way he came to you, without your consent, was tasteless.
I also feel for him as he can’t always be with you… It must be frustrating for both of you! I chose to ride this out with my Fiance, I have even taken part of the blame because I was so disgusted, I wouldnt go near him, which drove him more to porn. I also agreed to be more of the one who chases after him, instead of him coming to me… Than when he came to me I would say “You must be backed up! What? No access to porn today???” He couldn’t win! I took control of my sex life, and to be a blunt perv… We’ve been intimate 4 times in the last 2 days! I say that because had I done that years ago, I’d not have been so angry all this time. You being the one he goes to will not make you his slob, it will rewire him to realize what he is missing out on with you - Roe 
you must have a strength that i don't know where you were able to find. my boyfriend proposed to me before i found out and i said yes. I broke the engagement. he is supposed to come here and start living together in 2 months. we had plans and dreams and i thought he was a wonderful person. i have to say that what i found affected what i think of him..i really don't know what to do, i don't Wanna lose him but i don't Wanna be with Someone like thst. I m on an emotional rollercoaster right Now, i m angry, furious. Then i m hurt and depressed.. you have no idea how much comfort you brought i me. i Just needed Someone to talk to without feeling ashamed. The distance naked everything easier..tonight he told me he will completely stop until we see each other. Impossible to believe. Even if he did do that IT d be for the wrong reasons and i don't Wanna make him Give snything up for me. I don't want him to resent me for that. Masturbation is natural and pleasant but not like that. I am so scared.. how Can i tell if he S still the same person i feel in love with? What if we live together and i can't keep up with his desires? Should I live my entire life worrying that if we don't do IT whenever he wants he ll relapse over snd over again? i can't have that burden... I lied to myself and i told myself he Just had a greater appetite... what a fool... thank you so much roe.. i can't tell you how much i appreciated IT..
@Pisum90 @Pisum90 - Hello Dear, so sorry you are going through this.
I am engaged to a porn addict. We’ve been together 3.5 years, we live together. Mine has admitted to his issues, and we are working on it.
I am in therapy, and my Fiance will be joining my sessions next week.
When there is any addiction, even porn… You need to make a decision.
It may be harder for you, than others because you are in a long distance relationship. It will also make it harder for your guy to have an outlet.
Porn addiction is not always easy to talk about. I feel your guy was trying to have some intimate time with you… even on Skype. Is it romantic? No! Was it the best decision? No! But, he let his sex drive take over. Woman will resent porn, and turn their backs on it. (We discussed this in therapy today). That only makes it harder to deal with. You have a choice to work through it with him, or leave the long distance relationship you are in. The tide is against you because it won’t always be possible for you two to be intimate. I have chosen to meet my Fiances desires, and I actually enjoy doing so. To be honest, I am relieved he chose to come to you on Skype and not some $5 an hour cam girl!
Of course the way he came to you, without your consent, was tasteless.
I also feel for him as he can’t always be with you… It must be frustrating for both of you! I chose to ride this out with my Fiance, I have even taken part of the blame because I was so disgusted, I wouldnt go near him, which drove him more to porn. I also agreed to be more of the one who chases after him, instead of him coming to me… Than when he came to me I would say “You must be backed up! What? No access to porn today???” He couldn’t win! I took control of my sex life, and to be a blunt perv… We’ve been intimate 4 times in the last 2 days! I say that because had I done that years ago, I’d not have been so angry all this time. You being the one he goes to will not make you his slob, it will rewire him to realize what he is missing out on with you - Roe
Just my $0.02 ... if you're involved with the person then on some level you're attracted to the behavior. And that's probably O.K. cause in this case cause it doesn't sound so abnormal. I recommend reading the book "The Ethical S l u t".