Hi guys I hope everybody is doing better. I want to share so

Hi guys I hope everybody is doing better. I want to share something that has helped me. One day I thought of the example of me being afraid of a monster in the closet and being worried , depress , fearful about it. But the closet its empty there is no threat. And i compare that with the HOCD and hate OCD i was experiencing. So i was telling myself that everything is in my mind and its not real. So in my mind I tell myself I am good , there is no problem in my mind , everything inside me is ok, i have a healthy mind, etc. As i repeat it this. It helps me feel calmer and less focus on my thoughts. I hope everybody gets better soon and fast.

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I used to compare hocd to a monster living under a child's bed. The fear is real, but completely irrational as there is nothing actually there to be afraid of. I always tell myself that I'm okay, but I'm wondering if that's counter-productive. I wish I were strong enough, brave enough, to do ERP.... but I'm afraid of what I might discover about myself on the other side of it.

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@Bria869 We thought almost about the same example. Hehe. But you are right the fear is real but sadly there is no real threat or situation going on. The reason I tell my self Im ok or things like that. Is for me to wake up and say Yes im fine there is no real problem, Im fighting with something that is not real has no presence , no energy , its nothing!!. It has helped me i feel less in my head but still working on myself. And how are you doing? I remember you would post very encouraging post unless you are other bria which I dont think.

It's the same Bria. You are right, you are okay and you are fine.... but you're also not fine, you have a disorder that needs managing. We all know how destructive and tormenting this disorder can be on our sanity. It will be okay though. Once we get out of the worst of this disorder, we can breath better. I can breath better than a couple years ago, but I still have issues and still wonder if I am gay..... I think it will always be something I have to deal with. I'm surviving though and that's what counts! How are you?

@Bria869 You are right about the disorder. Thats something i forgot to mention. When I say Im fine I mean I dont have what the worry tells me. But the worry is there. But those constant words i say to my self that i am fine help me. Like you , i feel alot better than other years. And im glad to talk to you and see you around here. I hope you completly overcome this soon.

Ummm.... well I feel like it's putting a wedge between us. Actually, I don't feel like our relationship is as good as it could be because of my issues. He did say that it feels like I don't want to be with him when I look for reassurance or tell him a thought I had about being gay. I did reassure him that it has nothing to do with him. The ocd does attack my relationship though. I worry he looks like a woman, if his touch is too feminine, I have to tell myself he's a man when we have sex. The last time we had sex I even said "You're a man," out loud to him. When I know I love him, I think "well a lesbian can still love a man." Other times when I'm not sure if I love him that it must be due to the fact that I'm gay. I also just feel negatively towards him... but I think it's the ocd and anxiety because I know I'm super lucky to have a guy like him in my life. I barely have a sex drive, I don't want to think about sex or fantasize........ but it's always been that way even before hocd. Sex is kind of a chore for me unfortunately..... and I worry that makes me gay as well. Part of me thinks that he's just too associated with my ocd now (my ocd has ruined him for me) for me to actually be with him...... like ptsd in away.... but not.

@Bria869 He sounds like he love you and has patience with the situation you are going. I know sometimes it may be difficult for him too. I do hope you recover soon. So things can go much better bewteen you and him.

Thanks, I hope so too. I just wish there were some sort of medical test that could determine for once and for all that this is indeed ocd. Anways, I hope you fully recover soon too! Obsessing about our sexuality is awful!

@Bria869 I understand you. Sometimes you have to have faith in you and confident of the person you were and that you still are the same. And take all doubt out. But we will get better. Nice talking to you. Good night Bria.

One question: I I normal to want to hit yourself in response to the frustration of ocd?

@Bria869 I think is normal also to hit objects but i dont think it should be done. It wont help with the thoughts.


Or at least a compulsion waiting to happen.

@jdd I’m not sure how it’s a compulsion? I just get frustrated with this and want to hit myself or bang my head… which I’ve done in response to thoughts… but I don’t have a thought that says you need to hit yourself in order for something bad not to happen… I just do it out of frustration… many times I will want to though and I will stop myself.

From Anxiety & Panic Disorders to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)