Hi, I am a female sex addict, and I just spent 2 hours on ho

Hi, I am a female sex addict, and I just spent 2 hours on how to start my first post. I wrote nearly 700 words of a confession, but have ultimately decided against posting the whole thing just yet. I just really wanted to say that I am a struggling addict, and I can't seem to stop myself from having promiscuous thoughts and it consumes my life and I'll spend whole days thinking about it and reliving moments. I have acted on my thoughts in the past, and it has really destroyed me inside and I've never really revealed the whole truth about my secrets to anyone. Right now I have a boyfriend of nearly 2 years who understands that I have the addiction and I have hurt him in the past because of this addiction. Because of being used by guys/men in my past, I've never really seen sex as anything meaningful and I've learned to keep my emotions out of sex. I didn't really even know how wrong cheating was until I actually did it and saw how much I hurt the person I loved. I feel bad for him for loving someone like me, because I feel like it's really unfair for him. Having my boyfriend with me and remembering just how much I hurt him are the only things that are keeping me from acting on my thoughts at the moment, but I also don't want to have to be dependent on him. I know if he left me right now, I would go right back to the things I used to do and think nothing of it until end up hating myself in the end.

1 Heart

its okay....maybe with therapy you will be in a place your comfortable with

It's wonderful that you took all that time to ask for help. As you probably noticed through your boyfriend, this is not something you can overcome by yourself, ever!

I know the thought of being dependent on someone is frustrating and uncomfortable but in my experience this is exactly what you need at first. You need to transfer your addiction from doing what the thoughts pressure you to do, to talking about them with someone you can trust and trustworthy at the same time, maybe even someone specialized in the addiction, support group, 12-step program, etc. You will notice that the simple act of admitting you have a problem and asking for help WHEN you need it, will help you grow confident in handling the pressure and thoughts. And don't be afraid, it's OK to get addicted to the persons through whom you receive help and support at first (e.g. boyfriend, counselor, support group, etc.)... It will get easier with each baby-step you take.

... and last but not least be soever thankful that your current circumstances can be a starting point for a healthy life :)

3 Hearts

@4JH Thank you for your kindness :slight_smile: This is the first that anyone has ever told me that relying on someone is a good thing to be doing, which is a refreshing new perspective for me. I’ve always thought making someone go through my struggles with me is only hurting them for my own benefits, and I’ve been stuck in this hole where I really want to be with my boyfriend, but maybe now is not a good time. But he was actually the person who told me about forums like that and encouraged me to find others like me to help me through, so I guess you’re right. He keeps me from acting on my addict thoughts

This is the first big step, admitting that this is a problem. I agree with what 4JH said as well. Find a therapist that specializes in sexual addiction, join a twelve step program, it is important to surround yourself in people who will support you! You can do this!

@MyFightSong I know a lot of people say that admitting is the big first step, but I feel like I’ve never gone past the step. I know what I’m doing is “wrong” but I just can’t stop myself and deep down I don’t think I want to either. :confused:

welcome to the group. Here if you want to talk