Hi I am new here

Hi I am just trying to find friends. I am in the process of trying to pack up the last 30 years of my life and move on. Divorced after 30 years of marriage ... would of never even thought this was a possibility. He was my life, my best friend, and I miss him so much it hurts and it makes me angry. He is with another woman now and he left the mess to me. I can't afford to live on my own and in fact have never been out all on my own before. Anxiety and panic attacks are part of my every day life now. I know because everyone keeps saying it ... life goes on. I have 3 adult children and now I am moving in with one of them and their family. I am supposed to be the one supporting them through life not this way. Why must I go on I ask myself every day. They tell me my grandkids would miss me. Will the pain lesson enough to have a desire to live? I mean who gets divorced after 30 freaking years?

I am in the same boat except afew years behind, I have tried living with the kids and couldn't I have only been out of the house afew months and have not settled anywhere. I know it's hard, and yes death has crossed my mind to I think thats why I am looking to talk.

You are not alone. Many ... and I do mean many people find themselves in your shoes after 30+ years of marriage.

The hardest thing is waiting for this pain to become less torturous. It will happen and you will be happy again.

As for living with your kids: This is only a temporary solution. I am sure you will do everything you can to regain your independence.

Please always remember that someone always has it worse off than you. :)

Also, I am not sure if you are seeing a therapist, but that might be really beneficial to you. In addition, you may want to join a local divorce support group where you can physically attend it. You will meet a bunch of great people who are going through exactly the same thing you are.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. :)

Pandabelle, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I too had to face divorce at age 50 after discovering my husband was having an affair. We lost everyting, including our home, due to a failed business and the divorce. He was everything to me and I couldn't imagine living without him. I had to seek counseling and was placed on anti anxiety and depression meds for a year or so. I also went to a divorce group therapy session at a local church and it helped immensley. There can be life after divorce, just a different life. After a few months my husband came to his sences and after a couple years we established a new relationship, better in a lot of ways. We never remarried, of which I now regret, because he died alone last April. It's really hard for me to measure which, of the losses, was the hardest. The loss caused by the divorce and feeling I had lost his love forever, may have been more difficult in some ways than losing him, knowing how much he always loved me. He made a terrible mistake and in time I was able to forgive him. I never could forget the pain he caused me and our kids, and that is why I wasn't able to totally commit to him again. I'm not suggesting you could or would want to take your husband back, each situation is different, but I wanted to share this with you and let you know you can and will reach a better level of living than what you have now. It just takes time and a lot of hard work to get there. I am still struggling with his death, it's so final, and I miss him so much I physically hurt. I do know that in time and with a lot of hard work, I can find another level of living again. Hugs, Raylene

I too have been married for 27 years and never in my life lived alone. In my mind I am clinging to my daughter, who is 17, and telling myself she will be living with me for at least the next 5 years. I am sure she has other plans but for now it comforts me. I too have days where i think it is just too much for me to handle but then I remember that God will not give us a bigger cross than we can bare. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but if I can get through this day i will deal with tomorrow when it comes.

I find comfort knowing I am not alone with these feelings but it makes me sad and sick to see how much suffering is caused by other peoples selfishness.

Hang in there and hang on to those moments in the day that make it all wort wile.

Mary

Sorry. I don't know where my H's went. It should say worth while. (it is my typing skills and not a speech defect)

Mary

I think our minds move faster than our fingers sometimes. There is something to that old saying their's strength in numbers. Somehow it helps with the loneliness. It is hard to believe there so many of us of a (certin age) going through such simialr situations. It is almost like something drastic happened to the men's brains of a (certain age) at the same time. They all lost their minds I think. I feel fortunate I'm not one of those with small children to raise, but it would be a distraction caring for them. As it is I have too much time to think about myself. Maybe there's not more older than younger people going thru these problems. We just have more time to talk on this site, where the young ones have to tend to their children. I can't express how greatful I am for what I've gained here. It eases the pain and keeps me from feeling so alone. How long have you been using this site? I thank God for leading us here to help each other. Hugs, Raylene

Thanks for the kind words and although I do not wish this pain on anyone (not even him) it lets me know that if others are surviving maybe I can to. If anyone would ever ask me what is your greatest fear my reply would be ... Being all alone! That is my reality now and I am not great company. I have no meds and no medical insurance anymore to get some. I have to apply for some kind of state insurance and that takes my mind being able to be still and my emotions in check long enough to fill out the freaking paper work and that has not happened yet. The move is Thurs. so I am still sorting, packing and throwing stuff. I wished I didn't miss him so much and I hate that I do.

I understand completely how difficult it is to concentrate
when all you can think of is him and your circumstance. How could anyone be good company while enduring the end of all that is familiar. I have found posting here not only fills up the lonley hours, but helps to take my mind off my own pain and improves concentration. Keep posting and hanging in there and I will continue to pray that each day gets better. I know for sure the support I have received here is helping me face the unfacable things in my life. It may not stop your loving and missing him, but should help you see everything in a different light. Each person's experience though slightly different isrelatable to yours. I still feel lost and alone, but I am coping better with it. Hugs, Raylene

I'm really sorry about your pain. Really. Those of us here going through divorce can relate. I know I can. God is helping me cope and is helping me navigate the forgiving and healing process. Only God can heal a broken heart. Please let Him heal yours. All you have to do is ask Him. I will pray for you right now.

Hugs...

J

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