Hi, I am new to this group and I would really like the mental and emotional support as well as connecting with other single moms. My ex has been seeing someone else and I don’t know how to feel about it. Moving on from him has been extremely hard because I’m so attached to my daughter and having to share her every other weekend with him really hurts. I know I need to detach from my daughter and move on, but part of me also wants a family with him. I guess I’m holding on to the idea of a “family”. I’m not sure what to do... do I just move on or should I keep fighting for him?
1 Heart
Well im not a single mom if anything im everything but a single mom, a 19yr old boy, the courage to come to a place like this one and express yourself tells a lot about you, you are a really strong woman, independent, if you dont mind my opinion you should listen to your heart here, just follow your heart, hope ur doing better by now, much love ❤️
2 Hearts
I am not sure what detach from your daughter means? Like it is too hard to share?
@NewSingleMom Hi welcome, was reading your post did you mean detach from your daughter's father? You lost me as I was reading. Co-parenting can be a challenge I'm sure.
Co-parenting is hard because you are forced to maintain a relationship with your ex. For me, I have worked hard to just keep the communication to the bare minimum and stop inquiring about what their dad is or isn't doing. It was hard at first, but I'm now 18 month out and its become easier. I didn't desire our family to stay together, but I still was hurt by the ease in which he moved on, while I'm still alone. Just keep looking forward to each day and accept the end of the relationship. Instead focus on how you can make things the happiest and healthiest for your daughter. When I'm feeling down or when I'm feeling snippy and snide, I try to remind myself that expressing those feelings isn't the best for my kids. What is best for them is to have healthy relationships with both parents. I have to constantly remind myself of that. It isn't always easy.
3 Hearts
Sadly, seems like your husband may have already moved on. Perhaps the relationship that you desire, is not going to exist with him. If you feel that's the case, perhaps it would be better for you and your daughter to look towards the future for a more healthy relationship with someone else. I definitely hear that you are willing to make the effort. Unfortunately, his actions seems to show that he is not. Truly sorry. :(
How old is your daughter? Has she adjusted well to the visitation schedule? Does she enjoy the time with her father? It is hard to detach from your child every other weekend and not worry about them. And not being the authority and not having control over what your child is influenced by when she goes there. And then being able to actually enjoy those weekends without worrying and wondering.
1 Heart
So sorry, this adjustment and new "normal" is hard and it takes time. I felt the same way when my marriage didn't work out and I had to see my children go every other weekend. It was painful! I felt lost and I felt such sadness. Sadly, this is a consequence when the relationship does not work. It is almost impossible to be a "family" as you once were. You need to let go of his relationship with someone else and focus on being in an amicable and cooperative relationship for your daughter. She needs to know that you both love her and that you both respect each other. That is the greatest gift you can give her. If you think that the relationship can work, you would need to speak to a counselor about what you are feeling and determine if that is valid. If it is, I would think you would both need couples therapy to understand how you got here in the first place. If you know deep down that it cannot work, let it go and start to move forward for your sake and for the sake of your daughter. Spend time with yourself for a while before getting involved in another relationship. Reconnect with YOU. Reach out to family and friends who will love and support you. I hope this helps.
@HopeandMoreHope
Also, it is really important not to ask your daugher about his girlfriend, that will make her feel uncomfortable and bad. Just ask if she had a good time with Dad and what she did. She should not be your “spy” or “investigator”…it will really take a toll on her and she will not tell you that. Stay strong!