Hi, I have a heart disease. Makes me chronically ill I guess

Hi, I have a heart disease. Makes me chronically ill I guess. Been for 2 operations and I'm on meds for it. I look normal that no one suspects anything. It should be my normal too but I don't know how to cope with it anymore. I feel so awful most of the time that I'm not as normal as everyone says I seem. It hurts not because I want to be pitied or petted but more along the fact that I'm sick too but because I look so 'normal' that I'm all better now and any other illness I may have isn't as bad as my heart condition and because that's 'cured' no one actually checks to make sure I'm okay on any other level. Everyone says I should just be so lucky to be alive and while I know that's true it still sucks to know I can't do everything most other people can do because I'm restricted by my heart condition. It's like I'm okay enough to live by the rules of everyone else but sick enough to be kept at arms length about everything else. It doesn't make sense n it makes me feel more isolated and alone and depressed. I don't know if I articulated it correctly or if anyone can understand. But it helps that I wrote it down, confusing as it may seem.

1 Heart

Yes, I understand your feelings. I have been through life threatening chronic illness, that really isn't cured but makes people think I'm a survivor and cured, when there is no cure. I feel a burden because I'm unable to do anything I used to do. I'm here for you and know you are useful, needed and viable. We just have to find a new normal. I've accepted the fact I'm mostly homebound though it makes me sad. : ( Sad with you.

1 Heart

@Scat thank u so much for responding. Sometimes going through these things can feel so isolating. Especially since you feel like your the only one. It feels awful some days but other days I ask myself why was I down or feeling weird because I’m seen as normal. That’s such a strange complaint. But that’s just how I feel. Odd. Ungrateful. Thank you for the support. Much love to u, I hope maybe I can help u in some way as u have helped me.

Hello Stary and welcome to the SG Depression group. You will find that this is a safe place where you can share your thoughts, feelings and struggles without judgement. Continue to post and you will find other members who are confronting their problems. We are here to listen, offer encouragement, comfort and support one another. I totally understand how you are feeling. You are not alone as I also have experienced a life threatening illness that resulted in losing most of my vision. My life completely turned upside down. After being forced into an early retirement, loss of friends, loss of independance to drive, etc. I am of course, very happy that I did not lose my life, but the losses have been extremely painful. Because I look okay to others, they think that I am fine, but they do not realize the extent of my vision loss and the chronic pain that I still have. I have had to adjust to being more homebound, but I am still able to get out, I just have to rely on other people for all of my transportation. All of this causes me much sadness, but I know I cannot change what has already happened.

3 Hearts

@DClady1952 thank you for understanding me and sharing with me ur own difficulties. I know how hard it is just to admit these odd feelings. It took me ages just admitting there was some issue. That I needed help. Some days are so dark. But as you said, we can’t change what has already happened. Even though we may wish it so desperately. Thank u so much for understanding and replying to me. I hope maybe I may help u too in some way as u have helped me feel as if there is someone who understands. Thank you again.