Hi, I'm brand new here. I'm feeling mildly overwhelmed. I'm

Hi, I'm brand new here. I'm feeling mildly overwhelmed. I'm going to be starting a nasty divorce. After being in a mentally abusive relationship for the last 10.5 years. And I am going to be trying for full custody of our son. It feels like the world is coming at me in 1000+ directions. Everybody giving me advice and their opinions on what I should do. For the moment, I just want to vent, and scream.

1 Heart

Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you're going through such a horrible situation. I hope the advice you are getting is helpful. Keep posting and vent all you need too.

This is a great place to vent and process all of your feelings. Most of us will be relate to some of it. But, all of us took a different path, so you'll be able to tap lots of perspectives. The only thing that I can say right now is that you are strong enough to get through this and if you keep your son's best interest at heart then you'll make the right decisions.

Last night for some reason I was thinking about some of the things my attorney said to me that at the time frustrated me, but she was right. When I would push back on something (like I was adamant there was not chance I would agree to alimony) she'd ask me if the fight was worth it, and if I was fighting out of spite or just the principle. She reminded me that it could get really expensive and I could spend more money fighting something than if I just agreed. I actually really respected her for that because she basically was taking money out of her own pocket by advising me that way. But, the thing is that I still ask myself those questions today. Is my reaction / action based on spite and my general feeling of unfairness, or is this something that is meaningful and worth fighting for. It really helped me take stock of my own values and what was truly important. Because nothing in my divorce was fair. My husband was a **** who cheated on me for 6 years yet I'm the one who has to be financially stretched and pay him for the next 7 years. Doesn't seem fair, but it is the law in my state where divorce is no fault. And, as the primary wage earner I'm stuck paying. So, I remember that I believe if equality and women's rights (which includes women paying child support) and in my case I felt strongly about 50-50 custody (he was a good dad, and its what the kids wanted). Writing that check every month still stings. But, that check also means my kids live half their time in a decent house, and there is no doubt by anyone familiar with our divorce that I was fair.

@Leahzan, thank you. I am just trying to process everything being thrown at me all at the same time.