Hi I'm new here and I suffer from clinical depression.sometimes I can go months and feel good and then all of a sudden I will go through a month or two where I cant get going.
I feel the same way. The people here have done a lot for me and I hope we can make you feel less alone too :)
As the others have said, you are not alone! I would encourage you to speak with us as well as a counselor who can walk along side you and help you dig deeper. Sometimes there are triggers that send us into a tailspin. I would encourage you to self reflect, and feel free to discuss with us, anything that happens during the good months that lead to the negative and destructive feelings. Could it be severe stress? Burnout? Being overwhelmed? I encourage you to not let yourself be isolated. Isolation is a killer and IMO feeds into depression, lack of motivation and suicidal tendencies. Is there a counselor you can speak to? Or are there hobby groups you can join? Harming yourself is never the answer. I encourage you to keep seeking answers :)
I am suffering from bad depression too. My dr will change one of my medications or increase one and it helps for Alittle while and then it stops working. I just bought a light box in hoping it will help my depression. I look in the mirror and feel very ugly. I hope you are feeling better