Hi. I'm new here , feeling horrible I just learned my signif

Hi. I'm new here , feeling horrible I just learned my significant other has an addiction to porn and looking up women online to talk to. I feel ugly and like I'm not worth alot right now.

Welcome. Yes it does deflate our self esteem to nothing when we discover our partners choose others over us.

I want to leave him but cannot afford to. He keeps lying and saying that someone must have got in his phone and done it!

I'm so sorry to hear that, friend. I wish I could give you a hug. Situations like this are difficult, and I just can't imagine going through what you're experiencing. Have you considered talking to a counselor/therapist? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? I said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will surround you with His perfect love and provide the wisdom and help you need at this time. Please know that we all care about you and are here to support you. I know it's not easy right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Hugs to you!

You are not ugly. It is not your fault. He is the one with problems.

@johnyun20
Thank you!!

His looking at porn and for other women is not a reflection of you. It is more than likely his inner self. He is dealing with issues, or really nor dealing with his issues and in turn looking at porn and others to create some weird fantasy world where his issues are gone or lesser. It is him, not understanding himself, not knowing how to deal.

@Griz75
Thank you!!!

Porn can become an addiction, and it usually has nothing to do with the person's partner. It frequently allows a person to act out fantasies, and frequently those fantasies involve things sexual that a person might want with their partner, but is afraid to discuss it with them

@outoftheblue72
He will not admit he done it but it is all over his phone his old phone he just bought a new one and so I knew something was going on you know the strong women intuition . So I looked on his old phone it is disgusting it’s all over but he told me someone must have hacked into his phone. He said he didn’t do it and will not admit to something he did not do.

My husband has been doing this our whole marriage over 12 years now. This is the 4th time I have caught him. I want to leave him for myself but we have kids and i dont want to break their hearts...I've been sacrificing my happiness for my children's sake. I dont know what to do anymore?

@HurtingWife4
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do either it’s hard to know what to do right now for me.

If your husband wants to explore being more erotic he should share that experience with you not turn to porn or anything or anyone else. That is a personal experience you both should be sharing. That is what he needs to do.

I agree with technofreak if this is not a sex addiction and there is regular sex maybe this is more of a sex fantasy type thing. Maybe a sit down and talk about if there is something he is missing out of the bedroom that the two of you could explore might be a route to take

1 Heart

As others have said, the porn is not about you. In fact, its not even about the women your husband interacts with . . . Its about the feelings, the chemical rush that occurs in his brain as a result of his actions. He is addicted to feelings and sensations, not really the women. If you can get him to go to counseling, with or without you, that may help. I told my husband he could go to a counselor or we could get a divorce. It was his choice.

@faithfulless I am trying right now to get him to go to counseling.

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