Hi, I'm new to this forum not sure how it works yet so hopefully I'm posting a message. I need relationship advice. My fiance and I are in complete disagreement about an email communication. I accidently saw an email chain that took place between my fiancé and some people he works with. They travel together a few times a year. Usually whenever he travels with people he is always go out for big lavish dinner (on the company of course) and drinks. Last trip it was a wine tasting restaurant and apparently my fiancé and the sole female liked the same wine and it became "their" wine. Really they called it "our wine." Long story short he had to leave the next trip early and emailed the group to advise. The female replied to all and said ok, and they all discussed how to move work around to accommodate. Realizing he appeared to be leaving the trip early she dropped everyone off the email that was on and emailed only my fiancé and said "Are you leaving early????? We are going to have time for wine right??????" So...….when I read this it appeared to me that my fiancé either started to cheat or was starting to get close but whatever he might have been what ever they have going on their travels did not work for me. He said I'm reading it wrong that it doesn't mean anything at all and I'm very confused. I'd love to hear what other people think about that communication.
IMO..if something your fiancé is doing that is causing strife for you then he should rectify it..that is what we are supposed to do for our significant others. Within reason of course...and the tables should be reversed..if he notices you are having inappropriate relationship with somebody andbit bothering him it. Weds to stop..set boundaries NOW..if he doesn't agree to your boundari s then time to find a new SO
@Ellen4550 Thank you for taking the time to respond. I tried to talk with him thinking about what you said and it was like talking to Drywall. I just found what I think might be a great impact counselor.
This is a big red flag! I hope your wedding is far off so you can get this settled beforehand. If not, postpone the wedding. It sounds like he might have trouble with faithfulness to you once you're married, or at least, he doesn't sound like he can be 100% trusted.
My pastor always says that the spouse who has broken trust should give the other spouse the "trump card", in other words, the offended spouse should have access to all email, texting, phone calls, credit card receipts, or anything else that can potentially hide what's going on, without one word of arguing or complaining from the offending spouse. And if the offending spouse is unwilling to do this, then they have something to hide. The offender should WANT to show total willingness to rebuild trust. So if your fiance just wants to justify this relationship and not end it, beware.
Have you two gone thru premarital counseling? If not, now's the time. Better to have your heart broken now than have your heart broken AND your marriage ended later. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've seen this scenario so many times and it doesn't end well.
Marriage is a big commitment, and no one should enter into it wondering if they will be safe/secure/loved unconditionally and if the person can be trusted. You know the time-tested vow "to love and to cherish"? Does he cherish you? If he did, I doubt if he would be doing this.
I wish you well.
@laverite Thank you as well for responding. The wedding was tentatively set for January 2020. I was going to have just the two of us and not involve others just in case it blew apart. When I scheduled that it was prior to sliding down the slope and I agree with your thoughts and at this point cant see getting married anytime soon. I mentioned above that I found a counselor.
I think you need to sit down with him and ask him what he wants because there should not be another woman in the picture talk to him because he should not be talking to other women if he loves you and wants a marry you
@des9999 Thank you as well for responding, here is the thing that makes me 100% insane, I have sat down a million times and talked till I’m blue in the face. His answer is stock, always stock, for years which is “I was just being nice.” “Your reading more into it than it really is.” “I don’t think that is what she meant.” Things like that over and over link Houdini head games. For the wine thing he insisted it didn’t mean anything, that he had not done anything inappropriately and eve that her email didn’t seem weird to him! Really? If a male work colleague emailed me that Id be like excuse me? Why are you concerned with wine and me? That’s the problem, he truly sets himself up, he has to, there is no way these women are just all coming to him all on their own. It is so unbelievably frustrating.