Hi, my first post. Just joined. Have PTSD, have had it since I was very young. Victim of sexual abuse. Sad thing is that I am married now and I can't sleep with my own husband in the same bed, I am too scared. I have always been too scared to sleep with someone in the same bed as me since the abuse that happened when I was young. Lately, I try to sleep(in separate rooms of course) and I am about to fall asleep and all of a sudden I get a huge wave of terror that comes over me and I start shaking badly, my whole body trembles. It happens whether or not I am with my husband. It's like someone comes at me with a knife kind of fear. It's the most horrible fear I have had. The abuse happened about 30 years ago..I just don't think I will ever be healed or normal. My husband sleeps like a baby every night..while I am freaking out almost every night. A few years ago, someone tried to get me in his car, he was persistent. I didn't get in his car, I had a very bad feeling about him. Then a couple days later, I see him on the news, arrested for a locally famous serial rape/murder case. He got the death penalty this year. Now, I just noticed I am more on edge than ever really. Then I have had creepy x-bfs stalk me. So, it's been a crazy few years, and earthquakes in the region do not help with PTSD one bit. I think one thing on top of the other has just been too much and now I am in super panic and fear mode. It's just so bad. I feel like a bomb goes off and I have to run for cover, you know? I feel like I am always trying to hide and I don't want to hide..my brain doesn't know any better..it's just been trained somewhat to defend by body. I want to be free. I may get back on meds..though I don't want to. But anything to help with this, it's so horrible. If any of you can say some kind words, or pray for me? It would be so appreciated, thank you. Sorry for the vent. Much love to you all and good luck and I wish you all complete healing.
Hi Kalliela, welcome to Support Groups, thank you for being here with us and for sharing your story. I am so very sorry for what you have been going through in regard to your PTSD. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Because I feel that a therapist can help you work through your PTSD and help you work through this in a positive way.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't know if I am doing this correctly, but I'm giving it a shot.
Hi Kalliela...I am new to the group as well but I understand where you're coming from. I was sexually abused and I have not been the same ever since. Songs on the radio/TV remind me of it...place remind me of it...creepy people (like u said) make me think about it.
The one thing I could suggest is A) Seeing a therapist for behavioral and other types of therapy that could be very helpful or B) Invest in a PTSD workbook and really put your heart and soul into it because if you don't, it will not help. I have done this with my depression and anxiety and it has been very helpful.
Just a thought...please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up.
Hi BrittNL0803, I would like to welcome you to Support Groups. Thank you so much for being here with us and for sharing.