Hi, Recently, I’ve started stressing out about my sexu

Hi,

Recently, I’ve started stressing out about my sexual assault and my job. I was raped or sexually assulted by coercion by a guy two years ago. I’ve been having thoughts about how easy it is to be sexually assulted, why these guys coerce or get women drunk for sex, and honestly, blaming myself for what happened and not standing up for myself. I could of told the guy to go home, escort him out with security, or something. And now I’m living with something I deeply regret. It makes me think of the other times I’ve been sexually assulted afterwards, like something is wrong with me if this keeps happening but I also have thoughts of standing up for myself and coming off as weird or stuck up and making things a lot worse. I’d like to think it’s no big deal and it doesn’t affect me a whole lot and I should just simply get over it but my mind worries about other men that may sexually harass or abuse me. And that’s the sad part because I feel like I let these things happen to me and I do nothing about them. Like I stay quiet and go along with it, I will be okay. They touch my body but at least they don’t psychically rape me terribly. I’ve never been aggressively raped or sexually assulted but I’m terrified it will happen. After all, it’s so common and I was sexually assulted by coercion. Before this, I was fine and aware of any risks.
Likewise, with my job, they work us to the bone and I have a hard time keeping up. It worries me because I don’t wanna lose my job. I really need it to pay my bills along with other things.
Recently, I was so paranoid that I was gonna lose my job before I got a chance to save it that I believe I started hallucinating. I would see like dark figures or coworkers spying on me in the corner of my eye but when I look up, nothings there. This only lasts for a split second though. Or feeling like shadows or customers are passing by me really quickly and again, I look up and no one is there. I even though I saw a coworker smiling at me like she knew something about me but when I looked at her, she wasn’t smiling and actually acting normal. I think this might come from me thinking that people know I’m about to fired and no one is telling me because that’s usually how getting fired goes. You’re usually the last to know, otherwise I’d be finding a new job. But I don’t know why my brain would believe my coworkers are spying on me and not my manager or think that girl was smiling.
Is this the beginning of a psychosis episode or am I just really stressed out? The “hallucinations” stopped once I believed I was seeing things.
This really worrries me because I want to enlist in the military (due to very limited circumstances of bettering my life) but I know they are going to stress me out and I don’t wanna anything going wrong while I’m in there.

I'm sorry you aren't getting much response to your posts. Maybe those groups aren't very active? I suggest finding a group here that is more active so when you take the time to write you will get a response. Good luck! ps. I responded to this post in a different group.

@Round3
Hi,
Here’s the thing. I don’t know how you keep seeing my posts in different groups or seeing when I post but I do get different responses from different groups and it’s been very helpful to me. If you see my post in a different group and you’ve seen it already, just scroll past it. There’s no need to comment on every one of my posts and mention you’ve already responded to this in a different group. I’m on here to get support from all kinds of people with different advice and life experiences.
While I appreciate your support and advice, it’s unnecessary to get keep posting underneath my comments and ask me to post in one group. I’m getting enough responses from posting in multiple groups just fine and no one else seems to have a problem.
If you see my posts in other groups (again, I don’t know how you keep seeing my posts when YOU are should only be in one group) but if you see my posts in other chats and you’ve read and responded to them, then those posts just aren’t for you. They are for others to respond who have not seen it yet.
Anyways, best wishes and consider yourself blocked.