Hi! So I am new here, I have known I have had the problem f

Hi!
So I am new here, I have known I have had the problem for a long time, I just have ignored it even though it hurt the people I love. I haven't wanted help cause shopping has brought me joy, even though the repercussions don't.
What was the final straw after being 23 y/o student with over $20,000 in dept (not student loans) was that my roommate just found out I haven't been paying our rent last 6 months. I have been shopping for them.
The money is not the issue cause I have already covered it. But the way I hurt my best friend, and my parents.
I feel so out of control, I can't resist spending money, and I always think when spending money that is meant for something else, like bills, that I will figure that out later.
And then I cant tell anyone cause of the guilt and trying to cover it up and fix it before they find out, wich cause me to lying and digging myself deeper.

Will it ever get better or am I domed?

You're not doomed. However, you've paid a high cost for your addiction. Its caused a lot of pain to others, and your lying and manipulation, has caused broken trust, as well as massive debt that you have gotten into.

I'm not sure how much a "long time", actually has been. Everyone has their own definition when it comes to "sometimes", "always", and "often". That being said, it's good that you acknowledge that this issue has been affecting your life, for some time now. The question now becomes, "what are you willing to do about it?"

Addiction is a brutal beast. The best way to deal with it, is to get to the core issue of what the root cause is that triggered the shopping addiction. Once you figure that out, you can start the healing process. You can then start to work on repairing the trust that was broken, and they'll see that you're honestly trying.

It's going to take some time and effort, but it's attainable. You're NOT alone. You CAN do it!

@Justwanttobeloved
Thank you!
long time is that i’ve been in dept since i was 18 but it started before that. money has always “burnt a hole” in my pockets. always the idea to save and get started but always end up impulse spending it.
I need to get this under control it’s destroying my life.