So Im new to this whole support group thing. I don’t have many people to talk to in my life. Well thats not true, i have a healthy amount of friends and a loving family, however, no one in my inner trust circle can relate to how difficult life is with anxiety and depression. When i do attempt to talk of issues im very sensitive about i usually leave the conversation feeling worse about myself. Obviously, this is not good so now deal with my problems alone. Any ways, Im desperately trying to love myself for every thing that i am... anxiety, depression, and all. but its so hard to love yourself when you feel so alone in the world. Sometimes, i wake up and cant find any reason to keep going. To keep fighting my seemingly insignificant fears seems so hopeless. But i know if i had some one to relate with, someone who also fights every day with anxiety and depression, then in the moments when i have those thoughts of self hate and defeat i can remember that im not alone. So if anyone is willing to share there vulnerabilities with me and show me that there are other people fighting the same battles ...that would truly be amazing... heres one of mine..
I wrote earlier that my anxiety is caused by seemingly insignificant fears, i say this only because to most people they are. Sometimes, i even feel this way when i think about them. However, they are real to me and they are very strong. For example, im a college student and most people would never guess that i have any problems. On the out side i wear this amazing mask of extreme confidence; im bubbly and funny. Yet, when class starts, i completely shrink. I have this horrible fear that everyone will think im stupid and im not good enough to be in this class (something my mother put into my head from a very young age) The emotional burden along with the fear of exposure puts me into full blown anxiety mode. Full blown anxiety mode is basically me fighting with myself about my self worth as a person, while trying to hide from the world, and take notes. It can get so bad that i leave class with my cuticles or lips bleeding from how much i pick/bite at them (nervous habit). Every class, no matter the subject or school, has done this to me, yet i still go to class. Sometimes, i even participate. This is how i have fight my anxiety. Its hard to say that I've won any battles because geez the anxiety never goes away. But despite the complete discomfort... i am fighting. Despite the belittling voices- i keep going. Despite the blushing, shaky voice, and timid appearance -i do participate. Sadly however i feel i am fighting alone... I would love to hear about how you fight your anxiety ..