Hi So Im new to this whole support group thing. I don’

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Hi

So Im new to this whole support group thing. I don’t have many people to talk to in my life. Well thats not true, i have a healthy amount of friends and a loving family, however, no one in my inner trust circle can relate to how difficult life is with anxiety and depression. When i do attempt to talk of issues im very sensitive about i usually leave the conversation feeling worse about myself. Obviously, this is not good so now deal with my problems alone. Any ways, Im desperately trying to love myself for every thing that i am... anxiety, depression, and all. but its so hard to love yourself when you feel so alone in the world. Sometimes, i wake up and cant find any reason to keep going. To keep fighting my seemingly insignificant fears seems so hopeless. But i know if i had some one to relate with, someone who also fights every day with anxiety and depression, then in the moments when i have those thoughts of self hate and defeat i can remember that im not alone. So if anyone is willing to share there vulnerabilities with me and show me that there are other people fighting the same battles ...that would truly be amazing... heres one of mine..

I wrote earlier that my anxiety is caused by seemingly insignificant fears, i say this only because to most people they are. Sometimes, i even feel this way when i think about them. However, they are real to me and they are very strong. For example, im a college student and most people would never guess that i have any problems. On the out side i wear this amazing mask of extreme confidence; im bubbly and funny. Yet, when class starts, i completely shrink. I have this horrible fear that everyone will think im stupid and im not good enough to be in this class (something my mother put into my head from a very young age) The emotional burden along with the fear of exposure puts me into full blown anxiety mode. Full blown anxiety mode is basically me fighting with myself about my self worth as a person, while trying to hide from the world, and take notes. It can get so bad that i leave class with my cuticles or lips bleeding from how much i pick/bite at them (nervous habit). Every class, no matter the subject or school, has done this to me, yet i still go to class. Sometimes, i even participate. This is how i have fight my anxiety. Its hard to say that I've won any battles because geez the anxiety never goes away. But despite the complete discomfort... i am fighting. Despite the belittling voices- i keep going. Despite the blushing, shaky voice, and timid appearance -i do participate. Sadly however i feel i am fighting alone... I would love to hear about how you fight your anxiety ..

thanks,
anna

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good for you for keeping going in spite of that!
welcome to the site, hope you like it here.
an example for me is I get anxious leaving the house. basically for any reason. It's less if I've often been to where i'm going, but going new places is much rougher. Not full on panic, but pretty high anxiety. The "new" doesn't have to be that new. For example i'm postponing a trip to the local thrift store to donate some clothes. I am nervous about going there even though almost the whole route is quite familiar to me, probably less than one minute's worth of a ten minute drive will be new.

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hi north guy
I know what you mean about the new not needing to be that new. I think my anxiety is linked to school and performance so anything that resembles that sets me off. Thank you so much for telling me this. knowing Im not alone in this is so encouraging. If you can do it...so can i :)
thank you for your reply

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you're welcome. :)

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I too have had my struggles with anxiety and depression. I grew up with a brother who was a straight A student and received every diploma I think the schools made. He loved to read and was showered with books and praise from my parents. I on the other hand struggled. I was never given books or encouragement or praise. I was given “If you only applied yourself …..” To my mother’s horror, my brother decided to quit school one credit short of grade 12. She then looked at me and told me I could quit school too because it was too much of a bother to try to keep me in school. Talk about giving up on a kid. I was in grade 9. A few years later I returned to school and completed my grade 12 and went on to train as a medical office assistant. I love to read. So yes, I hear your pain. I spent years thinking I was stupid. Here’s the important part. We are not who our parents define us to be. We are who we define us to be. Obviously you are bright as you are in college so congratulations on that. I want you to pick up a book called Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Keep reading past the first chapter as it will make sense in chapter 2. I’m sure it will change the way you view yourself and lessen the anxiety and depression. Also, have a chat with your doctor. Perhaps he/she can give you something to make your life a whole lot easier to manage. Good luck to you and welcome.

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