One here. My hubby and I were together over 15 yrs with two kids. There was physical and mental abuse. I have all the same emotions as anyone else anger saddness deep depression loneliness did i mention anger lol? Here my ? My stbx left our state and went a state away with family when I served him restraining orders (yes it got ugly). His first visit with the kids he was suppose to pick them up and take them but spent weekend here. Then I moved to better myself with school and he moved following me....... yes i dropped the restraining orders. I want whats best for my kids. The arrangement we came up with was one week he would have them one week I would seemed to work fine till he starting texting me he was going to run off with the kids to mexico while I was at work. Neither of us have attorneys and filed crap. he was gone 6 months and gave me 350 the entire 6 months for support he makes 70-85000 a year. Now when he started threatening to run with the kids I ran. I am hiding still but I allow the kids to call on a blocked number anytime they want........... How much trouble am I gonna be in legally. I know this is a big no no. I am not out to hurt his relationship with them but is it ok to protect mine? I do not talk bad about him to my kids who are 10 and 12. I just seem so lost right now. I really need honest input
well if nothing legal has been filed he can not do anything to you at this time.
he can only get a lawyer and seek legal advice and sue for divorce hoping his lawyer can get him visiting rights.
i suggest not to worry about things right now
concentrate on getting yourself together for your children
so that you can be a good mother to them, i know from experience you can not
be a good mother and be strong for your kids if you are in turmoil all the time.
there will come a time when you will have to deal with this on the legal level
but if you can take a few days to have some peace and enjoy something with
your kids that you will all be happy doing.
it will help you mentally and emotionally. then you can think about how to deal
with all this on a legal point.
Are you legally divorced yet? I would ask for a new restraining order with the kids names included. I would take his texts to the judge as proof of his threats to take them to Mexico. At that point the judge will either tell you he can't grant the order until Dad actually does something, or he will have the authority to grant the order just based upon the proof of a threat. Ordinarily I would say do anything that you can to keep those kids in touch with their dad. Maybe you can ask the judge for supervised visits until you feel that the threat is over. Good idea to let them talk to their dad as often as possible, but on a blocked line. He may be making the threats just to rattle you because the divorce is new and he is really upset. Err on the side of caution with this and let a judge offer you advice. It is free to file for a restraining order as far as I know.
No we haven't even filed for divorce yet.... He figured out where I was and showed up yesterday. I allowed him to see the kids outside and after a bit he went back home...... I told him flat out our kids were not leaving my home with him period without a court order and I told him flat out I want a divorce. It was hands down the hardest thing to do. I know it is for the best. I do. But 15 years is along time to have no feelings. I think at this point no communication between him and I is the best. Thank you all for letting me vent. I needed it
Babbles: It might be a good sign that he was able to play with the kids in front of your house and not take them and throw them in the car and run away. Maybe the worst part of his threats are over, and it was just his reaction to the initial loss. Also, if you told him you want a divorce and he didn't totally lose it, that is a good sign. Now you have to decide if you really want to follow through. If you do, there is no time like now. If you aren't sure, there should be no hurry.
Im sure I want a divorce. Just my finances aren't ready.... We have been seperated over 8 months and he is on girlfriend #2 so it is over. I can't rebuild on this. Just I think I have been in shock or denial. And now seems like Im lost in fear and depression. I live 40 miles from civilization so just wanted to see if anyone could point me in right direction. I want him to be a good dad. And I want to be a good mom. I dont want a future with him.... Just hard to process all he has put me through and the fact that I allowed him. I feel weak and second guess everything. Not my usual self I guess and I wont be for a long time.
Babbles: You are right that divorce or possible divorce will make you second guess yourself, and be paralyzed with fear, depression, anxiety, and loss. Denial and shock, too. I have been feeling all of these things. If you read other posts, you will see the same theme from most of the others who are going through this. Try not to beat yourself up for what he has put you through. If you stayed and tried to work it out, that means you loved him and the kids. It is normal to to want to try. You will not be your usual self for a long time. In theory, you will come out a better person, but I know that isn't any comfort now. If you are already living on your own, you may be able to afford to divorce now. If you keep the kids, he will be ordered to give support, which you might not be getting now, if your separation was not legal. The things that have helped me on the many days I have thought I was going over the crazy edge: this site, my therapist, my sister, self-help books, prescription antidepressants and antianxiety meds, calling, texting, and emailing all my friends to ask for support, and accepting every single invitation I get for lunch, happy hour, a pedicure, etc. I force myself to say yes, even when I can't bear the thought of seeing friends. It always helps when I get around others. People are amazingly compassionate is what I have found.
Thank you I needed to hear that Soft! I sometimes feel like Im not normal lol its nice to be reminded I am. I was doing really good then boom Im not. I guess this is my new temporary normal. Just sucks cuz Im a social person and very outgoing and I can't even seem to go to the gas station right now. I moved back home with my parents and its an adjustment on me and my two kids. Its been difficult to say the least. And all the added drama has not helped. Thanks for the up beat and communication
Babbles: The grief hits me in waves that are totally unexpected and I get blindsided. That is one of the hardest things. Literally, I will start crying with absolutely no warning. That's the Crazy Town part of this.
I guess so. I am so depressed over so many different aspects. And he is handling this all wrong and that makes it worse. I just wish there was a way to just not feel for a while lol. I feel lost and then sad on top it doesn't help. I have him telling me one thing then doing another. And he keeps things so secretive. That drives me crazy cuz its not my concern anymore. He has just showed me a side I didn't believe he was capable of and it makes me question my ability to make good decisions in relationships in the future. Not to mention what this has done to my kids. I have completely different children now and it hurts. He lets them down time and time again. And it makes me mad.
When my husband melted down and took off, we didn't see him for 32 days. My daughter was heartbroken. Over and over again I had to tell her that Dad is sad and hurt and doesn't know how to deal with it. No one ever taught him. So we just have to love him and know that he loves us, and he will come back in good time. He did speak with my daughter on day 11 of his disappearance, but it was not very helpful. I had tracked him down at work that day to tell him I had filed for divorce in his absence. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have put her on the phone because he told her he was sad, hurt, and moving. It was upsetting to her. He then began a mostly text message relationship with her until day 32. Again, I had to explain that Dad is dealing with this pain in ways that you or I would not, but Dad is Dad. Thanks to God, he felt like testing the waters with me on day 32 and has been back in her life, and a teeny bit in mine, ever since. I believe the worst of it is over for my daughter. Now, I am another story. I'd rather have my kid be ok, than me, if I have to choose.
I would pick just the kids in my situation too. But dad doesn't seem to be able to seperate them from me. Even after 8 months. Its just so hard to deal with at times. And frustrating. So many disappointments at once can get to you I guess.