Hi I am new to this group and I'm not a sex addict at all but i think my problem is more a love addiction or addicted to men. I was just watching Oprah and the lady on there sounded just like me addicted to love and obsessing over people. I feel happy when i like someone. Since I was younger I've always had this problem like I feel complete when I'm infatuated with a guy. Right now Ive been obsessed with the same guy really bad for a year and a half. He's a co-worker and I have had sexual fantasies about him numerous times. I am so happy when i see him and the sad thing is I don't even have a chance with him. Even though he has been married many years ago and has been with a woman. He's gay. Of course i didnt know this at the time when i started liking him and he certainly doesnt know im aware of this because he's not open about it. But i found out by a 2 different co-workers. I was grossed out at first but i can't stop liking him. I know it's weird because he doesnt even like women. I don't know how to stop. I'm in love with him so much and it makes me happy to think about him and fantasize. I even have a couple of love songs that remind me of him. I think bcause i havent had much luck in the relationship world sexual fantasies make me feel better. I guess this is a kind of sexual addiction. Is this normal at all? I also love attention from guys in everyway. I don't sleep around at all a little picky but i love to flirt as well.I guess Im addicted to men and any attention I can get. Im sure it has to do with I've never felt love from a man my father left me when i was 3 and completely abandoned me. Anyways sorry this is long. My addiction i guess is different. It makes me feel like Im with these guys if I fantasize about them.It gives me a high when i think about this especially with this one person. Anybody have any advice on how i can stop this sexual fantasy world? Does anybody else have this problem at all? Please message me and let me know. Thanks
Not having a father figure can really impact your feelings of NEEDINESS & want, craving for attention good, bad or indifferent from men, & not having been nurtured, protected,feeling safe, supported, cared for from a good father, unless something more traumatic happened in your life (past,current) genetic link, your relationship w/your mother????? If you've had other relationships before how were thoses experiences? Is your father in any part of your life? We're here to talk it out with you if you want to & I admire you for posting here, takes alot of courage.
Take care of you.
April
Hi April,
Thank you for the comment. When i wrote it i didnt want people to think i was crazy or weird or anything. Im pretty normal have a normal job, very clean cut and no drugs/alcohol of any kind. But i posted it because i just wanted to know if other’s feel the same as me and Im not even sexually active at all. The last time i had been with anyone was my ex-boyfriend almost 2 years ago. My problem i think is Im addicted to liking people and dreaming of being with them in every way. I know it’s complete abandonment issues with my dad. I never felt like he cared or wanted to be part of my life. With my fantasy world I get to be with who I want to be with. My co-worker I’m talking about Im in love with him and cant seem to get over him. I thought him being gay would help and it did for a few days but im still into him. I do have a great mother who’s always been there for me. Im so confused about my problem. Sharon
Is this hindering your life? I cant think of anyone WHO at one time or another did not think this way some time in their life. You havent gone out of your way to self destruct/stalk someone, from the way you describe, unless something else IS going on & your only talking in HALF TRUTHS. So unless your jeapordizing yourself in some way other than thinking about this person ALOT, I'm missing something. Hell I was watching "Somethings Gotta Give" the other night & to make myself feel better about my life & think of good feelings, I thought about Keanu Reeves. Dont be so hard on yourself, unless you start doing something really stupid...........So what up?????
April
Hi April,
Oh no Im not self destructive at all and certainly haven't stalked anyone. I would never do that. He's just one part of my life. I just think about im alot and maybe talk about him but that's as far as it goes. I never even pry or ask him personal questions about his life. He's pretty private and i completely respect that. The only thing I might do is look at his schedule to see if we work together which we normally do in the mornings. But the schedule is posted for everyone to see and I don't just look at his i look at other people's schedules as well to see who i might be working with that day. Nothing else is going on in my life that's major. Even though i like him alot and dream about being with him, I'm still focusing on other parts of my life too. Im spending alot of time focusing on getting another job, and working on my hobbies which are crafts, writing, and reading. I mainly just posted it because i was wondering if anyone else had that same problem with love addiction.
I think your fine & others here will have imput eventually I'm sure so lets see how it goes huh.
Take care, April
i been like that... am like that. So angry with myself in that way.. How on earth did this happen to me? a love addict? has this always been here but i functioned? i dunno but it certainly feels like it.
Im aware of it now and i can see the extremes ive gone through..so its not normal. being so obsessive..in my head at least.
Hi sha11,
Although I've never been in your position (I'm a male and a sex addict, not a love addict), I can understand where you are coming from. And believe it or not, there are millions of other people just like you here in the U.S. Although such feelings are somewhat dysfunctional, there is help available. I'd like to offer two ideas which might get you headed in the right direction.
First of all, it will be very helpful for you to learn all you can about love addiction. For that reason, I'm going to suggest you read a few books on the subject:
"Women, Sex, and Addiction", by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D. This is a very good basic book that will tell you a bit about sex and love addiction from a female perspective.
"Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love", by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller, and J. Keith Miller.
"Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships", by Susan Peabody.
"Is It Love or Is It Addiction (Second Edition)", by Brenda Schaeffer.
These books will give you a very good foundation on which you can build a solid, successful recovery. Each book can be ordered directly from: www.amazon.com.
My other idea involves a Twelve Step group that has been developed for sex and love addicts:
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)
www.slaafws.org/
You can learn all about this group by going to their website, and while you're on the site, look for something called their "Where and When" listing. This will be a catalogue of sorts that will list all of their registered groups/meetings from all across the U.S. and Canada. There are, quite literally, hundreds and hundreds of groups that meet each and every week in cities, towns, and villages everywhere you look. The meetings will be listed by state to make it easier for you to find something in your area.
If you find a group that meets in your area, I would STRONGLY encourage you to drop in on two or three of the groups, just to see what they are like, what they have to offer, and see what you think about them. Would a weekly group such as this work for you as a part of your personal recovery program? Groups like this are a great way to get some local support for your recovery efforts, plus it's a good way to make a few new friends.
If there are no groups listed in your area, or if the groups listed won't work for you due to times and/or locations, then check out the telephone groups and online meetings. There are at least five or six such national meetings that go on each and every day of the year, so something should work for you here. In addition, the are regional and local meetings as well, so there is plenty of support out there for you. All you have to do is reach out an take advantage of what's there.
So, these are my ideas to get you started on a recovery program of your own. I hope something here helps. If you have any questions, or if I may be of any further assistance, please let me know. I'm always happy to help in any way can. Best of luck to you.