bambi don’t ever be sorry for your feelings. i only asked cause that’s what i picked up on and i wanted you to get it out. you can’t always keep those negative feelings and thoughts in, you know what it creates, and this site is the right place to share and vent.
i’m so sorry about what your husband did. i know what it’s like to be lied to by the one you love and yes. it does destroy any trust. i assume it really was something he kept from you in order to not hurt you but i can understand your train of thoughts. does the lawyer have to be confidential to your hubby only or to you both? i wish you could find out, hanging in th unknown is the worst.
re your sucidal thoughts, i can tell you neither really work, only causes pain and a mess (i’ve been there), so don’t even try. and certainly not over someone else!! please, please do email me or call ER if you ever have such thoughts again. generally email me anytime you wanna talk, i really mean it. i do care about you and i can’t take anymore pain right now so stay strong, fight the dumb ideas and LIVE!!!
Bambi, I second everything Maedi said...please reach out to someone when you are feeling those thoughts. We are all here for you.
Morgan, some of the thoughts you describe do seem ED-like and are concerning. Like Gina, my ED started out as a "diet". I was 250 pounds and clinically obese, so I definitely needed to lose weight. But that "diet" should have ended long ago. It snowballed quickly into an ED, starting out with a lot of the thoughts you describe and ending in the horrible place I am now. Please, please talk to your therapist about these thoughts when you see them on the 16th. Doing so could prevent an ED from developing.
Thanks 4 ur support. it is his lawyer so he isnt allowed to tell me if my husband asks him not to. i just cant believe he's doing this to me after everything we've been through, i dont care what the reason is! he can be a stupid stupid man sometimes. ive told him before we can try & get through anything as long as its together & that hes honest with me & that lying to me would hurt me more than anything else he could do but clearly he doesnt listen to a word i say! men just cant help themselves can they?? & it could be something really stupid that he doesnt wanna upset me with but i dunno what i'd be more pissed off about, something really stupid that has been blown out of proportion or something really important that could potentially break us up! either way its loose loose.
& i know they are really dumb ideas but it doesnt stop u thinking it does it. & i will talk to u on here when im feeling low & it helps me more than u know so thankyou xxx
i dont think i would be able to actually go through with it, it just scares me how close i get sometimes so try not to worry, im just doing exactly what u told me to, im sharing. this is the only place i can actually be 100% honest about it without getting judged, so it sounds bad but it actually helps xxx
i' glad bambi that you can be yourself on here and that you feel better for it.
i know what you mean about the whole man thing. they really don't know any better i feel. and they probably think the same about us :-) venus and mars right?
i hope you don't feel too alone anymore. and please keep writing, i'd miss you otherwise.
Hey Morgan, that's too bad about not making the appointment but sounds like you and your hubby got some quality time squeezed in. Where r ya from? If you don't mind me asking...
I agree w/ the above threads that weight is not a determining factor and, usually, an eating disorder is in the thinking... I'm not a counselor nor a nutritionist, however, I kinda wish I had some of the knowledge of a nutritionist because they can tell you healthy ways of thinking about food...
I don't know if this was mentioned before, but, I mean, not all ED thoughts are about "restricting" thinking... Some can be in the opposite direction (I used to overeat or try to eat large quantities at once- binging but never did I purge); this, before I became "orthorexic/anorexic". To stop the food addiction part, I had to avoid the foods that triggered my food obsession. (I have found these out through program). I have friends that are in this program and their ways of thinking parallel mine insofaras restricting to my current anorexic mindset, so I believe they are anorexic as well as compulsive overeaters... Two sides of the same coin? I dunno... Sorry for going on and on, I just thought it may be helpful. Definitely, restricting as a way to control my overeating, was what sent me into my other eating dosorder. I pray that you are well. Also, maybe your counselor will suggest an Eating Disorder Nutritionist? (I like these guys the best!)
I want to send you a big HUG! I believe that you are pursuing avenues of recovery/help for yourself, which is the best thing (not in denial like I was, btw, I think it's called "exercise bulemia?"), and it will get better! :)