High PointsLow Points

Some days I feel so good, I look in the mirror and see the person I know I am. I don't care what I eat,I just eat it. I'm all around happy.
Then, other days, I'm grumpy. I see fat,fat,fat and I want to give up eating all together. I'm easily irritated and mean.
I just don't understand. How can some days I feel like everything is perfect, if only time could freeze, and the next day my eyes are seeing something else?

I often feel like that. It amazes me how one day I can see myself as skinny and the next I see myself huge and ugly...and this is when I first wake up! NOTHING has happened yet to trigger me. Is it because I ate well yesterday? Who knows.
What I find best when I don't like what I see in the mirror is close my eyes, and count to 10, breathing deeply. Think about what I KNOW is there and picture that image in my mind. Think about every part of my body.
Then I open my eyes and stare straight at my face, and move my eyes down to the rest of my body.
Usually, if it doesn't completely change my outlook, it at least slightly does. I also find if I take a break from the mirror for about 5-10 minutes and focus on something else, then the image lessens as well.

Just focus on the days where you see what you know is true and hold those in your mind. On those days the ED is not what controls you and you should be SO proud of that because it means you're getting better.

Also focus on things that make you feel beautiful. I find sometimes buying pretty underwear and bras that match help, and I wear them on days I don't feel as confident...its like I look nice even under my clothes :)
Also try things like painting your nails, giving yourself facials, trying different things with your hair/makeup. Little things like that always make you feel good :)

One last thing...I saw this on a mirror at my counselor's office...take a sharpie and write "You're looking at a beautiful Goddess" on your mirror. Always read it before looking at yourself.

I know you can make it through this!!
Paige xoxo

I know exactly what you are going through. And actually it is a rather good place to be in recovery- at least I always felt that way. When I was in recovery the first two times I would falter daily with my image. One day I was beautiful and thin and the next day I was fat and huge. I would sit there and cry because I would hate what I looked like. I would tell my boyfriend this and you know what he would say. He would ask me to remember the day before when I saw the real me. To remember that. Then he also said everyday you keep fighting your eating disorder, is one step closer to recovery, and every step brings more days you will see the real you :) and it was true. As I continued to fight I would start seeing the real me more often.

Keep fighting! I promise it will be more frequent. I know the bad days it seems impossible that you ever saw the beautiful you, but tell ED to shut up. Normally closing my eyes and counting to ten helps me see a less distorted view of myself too. :)

I love the mirror idea Paige! I want to do that but my roommate may think I am strange haha


I completely know what you are going though too! There were times before I recovered when I only saw the fat. It kept ED going and crushed me. As the recovery process has unfolded for me I have so many more days that I actually see who I really am and accept it. Of course there are still days that I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I usually swear off mirrors for a while and just go by how I feel inside. Hopefully we get to the point where we can always see the real image looking back at us. I think that will be a sign of being fully recovered.