At the time I HAVE to binge, the voices in my head tell me to and I think it won't matter cause I'm fat anyway and food gives me comfort and the bottom line is I JUST FEEL LIKE STUFFING MY FACE.
Then after, when I feel sick and full I realise that I felt better before. But now it's ruined and I feel guilty. But I can't make myself sick cause I live in a tiny flat share and they would hear me. I wish I didn't do it. Starving myself all day is now ruined by the binge.
I wish I could stop myself doing it. I really wish I could just eat 3 good meals a day and feel happy and content with that. I wish I could eat when i'm hungry and stop when full. I wish i was as thin as I used to be.
But most of all i wish i didn't think about food 24/7
tjones...thank you for reaching out here, and for sharing. You describe a very typical, yet horrible cycle of restricting/bingeing that 'morphs' into being for many people with an eating disorder. I'm sorry you are struggling.
Are you getting help? Seeing a professional/doctor who can monitor the dangerous medical problems that can occur?
An eating disorder is a true monster, and very very few people can simply 'stop doing it'. For a while, having guidance from someone who is experienced in working with people who suffer with eating disorders is critical. Please seek help, and I hope you will continue to share...take care...Jan ♥
I could have written that exact same thing. I think pigging out will make me feel better, and I do, while I'm eating. But then I ultimately feel worse for days after. Like the above post mentioned, it is a horrible cycle that I hope to one day get under control.
Thinking about food 24-7 is part of the obsession, the binging and purging and obsession with body image, and it sucks! I know! I've been there, Food isn't that interesting! So why do we think about it all day? It's because thinking about food is easier than thinking about the real problems in life. Stress, anger, sadness, worry, theyre all covered up by obsessing about food. Yeah, it can seem like a good thing to numb all the bad out, but we're taking away all the good too! Life is a gift! Everything around us is simply amazing and beautiful, but when we're in this cycle, the world disappears and it becomes obsession. I do hope you seek a therapist, mine has done absolutely wonderful things for me. By showing me that a lot of this, the thoughts and binging isn't even about food, its about what were feeling! And hiding from! And starving yourself is never a good thing. It almost always leads to a binge at the end of the day. Just know that you are worth being happy. You are here for a reason and there is so much more inside of you than this stupid eating disorder. And once you see that light and you learn to break through to it, you won't even believe youre the same person. I wish you all the best luck and hope you look to recovery, whenever you are ready.