HOCD..I obsess that my boyfriend is gay

I am a 21 year old female, I have been in a monogamous and very serious relationship for the past 2 years, and my boyfriend recently told me about an encounter he had 5 years ago..with another man. He and I have always had a very "open" sexual relationship, not open meaning we sleep with other people, but open-mindedness about trying new things, unconventional fetishes, and that sort of thing. As I said before, we are monogamous.

We have never been shy to talk about (and try) things we have fantasized about and may have not felt comfortable talking about with our previous partners, which is part of why our bond is so strong. One of the things we have tried is pegging, and i never assumed that because he wanted me to use a strap-on, that he wanted to actually be sexual with a man.

I didn't start obsessing over this until he told me about something he did years before we had even met. He says he and another male gave each other oral, and that he is still friends with the guy (who is now engaged to a woman, lives across the country, etc.) He told me he had never told anyone about this, and before I even said anything he had to make it very clear that he was NOT gay, and that he was just young and "really aroused" before it happened and he just wanted to get off. I told him I was totally supportive and I admired him for feeling comfortable enough to tell me! He again, said he was NOT gay, and the subject soon changed.

Ever since then it has been eating away at me, and I can't even sleep at night because I start having visions of him with this guy! So I brought it up to him and told him it was bothering me. He got a little irritated, told me he was young and bored when it happened, and that he is only concerned with settling down with me now!

But I STILL can't stop freaking out about it. How can I get myself to stop thinking about him being gay, when I know he is completely committed to me and having a family?

I guess nobody has any input on this. I was really hoping to get some good opinions from the people here

the definition of someone who is homosexual (homo meaning same)is that they are only interested sexually with those of the same sex,or that when they think of having sex it is with those of the same sex....seeing as you and your boyfreind have a good sex life,that would at best make him bi-sexual,

from your story it sounds that he is bi-curious

i suffer from severe ocd and there has been times when ive debated my own sexuality..even though the thoughts of being with a man disgusted me and made me feel pretty **** horrible that didnt stop the ocd demons **** with my head...the one thought that always soothed the anxiety and ended the rumination was that i have only ever gotten aroused by thinking of females..

i know its tough but you just have to trust your boyfreind and if he says he is straight then he is straight..you seem to be in a healthy relationship especially if you can tell each other stuff like that, so try not too worry about it...

best of luck


Well first off it is normal to show some concern. You guys have been together for two years if he were gay he would not be having a sexual relationship with you. Gay men are not attracted to women. Obviously he cares honey if you been together this long. Do not hurt him with all this. I know sometimes we have thoughts we cannot control but you cannot accuse him of being gay (NOT SAYING YOU ARE) because think how that will make him feel knowing he has trusted you so much. You have to try to let it go. He has been with you this long for a reason. I mean make sure you dont use the strap on or anything to reaffirm your thoughts because that will only make it worse! I hope I helped you some.

He fleshcrucifix,

I don't blame you for being upset. I'd be too if my boyfriend was with another guy, and it'd be hard for me to let it go too.

He doesn't seem to want to do it again, though, and says he's committed to you. So you must have a really good relationship for him to confide in you like that.

I hope in time that you'll be able to forgive him, because he seems like a good man. And good men are hard to find!

Are you in counseling for your ocd? If so, then this would be a good thing to discuss with him or her in your next session.

best of luck

I think he was trying something new, if not, why would he date women after being with his friend.