Hocd

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
21

The thing that gets me though, is that I had a full out mustache in the begining of 7th grade so im not new to peuberty and I know I was 100% hetrosexual before all this happend about a month ago, I dont look gay at all, Im social I have a lot of friends, my parents are conservitive republicans so I grow up by there side following there ways. And in my opinion, I dont think your born gay, your 'born into being gay" just like a gangstar growing up on the streets, there not born a gangstar there born into it, there parents teach them it and they do more and more and they start like it from a young age. Im not a feminine kid im 99% sure I have hocd, but I dont think its just that, I think its adolesence, hormones, and my hocd all combined together. Is that possible? because I literally get an erejectiion over anything, everything that walks (except guys). And like I dont think I fit the gay type, like I dont want to run out and do stuff with a guy and when a guy touches me Its just like a buddy buddy thing nothing else than, unless I think about it and then mind goes "what if you got a ***** and you didnt realise it" and stuff like that, its almost like my freaks me out so bad my body believes it.

thanks a ton.

22

Hey Codylon, sorry for the late reply.

Anyway, yup its normal for HOCD to do them things, as I said before, I try and do things like that with my boyfriend, and on a good happy day (due to my medication) I have sex with him and enjoy it , but on a day when the HOCD has been irritating me I can't. I try my best to ignore it but I end up not having sex with my boyfriend, its difficult to get out of your head I know. Don't be concerned about it, its because obviously the HOCD is getting you down and your just not feeling the best about them things anymore, its not like you don't want it, its because...well honestly, I wouldn't blame you for not being totally in the mood, thinking about these things all the time is totally draining.

I think I understand what the sickening feelings are...its like a rush of anxiety and the thoughts combined that make you feeling sick, I actual vomited a bit when I got these feelings and when they went and my head was still thinking I also thought "Oh **** why do I not feel anxious or sick anymore when I get these thoughts does that mean i'm gay" But it doesn't. Remember its the HOCD, not you. Its because obviously we have obsessive thoughts that means our heads or going to obsesse and over anaylize a situation. Well, its the HOCD obsessing over the topic of being gay, so obviously our mind is going to start convincing ourselves , doesn't mean we will be or that we are, its just leads to that because our mind keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Think of it like the time you said you thought you had cancer and you kept checking for a bump, thats because you were beginning to convince yourself that you had cancer when you didn't which then lead you believe there was a bump there, its the exact same thing, just a different topic.

Everything went to **** with me too Cody, I wasn't feeling the best before this happened anyway due to others things that happened in my life, but when this happened I wouldn't get out of my bed, wouldn't meet up with my friends, quit my college course I was doing and it was because of the irrational thoughts that gave me anxiety and depression, And I'm not saying everything is the best they can be at the moment because its not but I have to say its is getting better due to me getting help. To me the sounds of what your telling me, I think its more than just "discovering yourself" i think its OCD but I'm no doctor , so as I said to you before Cody, you need some professional help. Just because your young doesn't mean you too young to go through a serious mental issue, my friend knew a girl who was anorexic at 10 years old. So don't use your age as an excuse ok :) This is serious and its affecting your life, teens don't get depressed because of there at a hormonal stage at their life.

I wouldn't blame you for being irritated, you probably have are a bit moody because of this, I know I was...and still am. I think thats due to the HOCD affecting you.

I don't know what that might be Cody, maybe its a bit OCD or something, I usual crack up if things are not right for me especially cleaning, but research it a bit, you might find them things annoying.

Stay strong and positive :)

A ♥

23

SO I've got a question here. About two years ago I was in bed thinking and somehow the thought "am I gay?" popped up, and freaked me out. From there things just got worse with social fears, and now I can't look at guys without having this "twitch" happen. Now whenever I am around guys I just have this what seems to be a point right before the twitch where it is constant, annoying sensation. I've been around girls, and I've gotten aroused by girls so that I actually get a "size" increase. I haven't around guys but if I ever feel I might have the chance of having that happen I look away. I don't really get it but I now am usually more comfortable around girls than guys because I don't have this feeling. I've been reading a lot, and I just don't know what to think. I am not overtly interested in girls, but I do have sex with. I think I enjoy it? Sometimes with this constant feeling I just want to find out if it's true I am gay and have the guy come in contact with me to see if it releases that anxiety but I wouldn't ever say it is desire like I have with women since I am willing with women and not with men. Gay porn grosses me out. Yet, straight and lesbian porn seem to be much harder to like recently. I just feel everyone "knows" I'm gay, and that I am starting to pick up some bad habits of acting gay and believing it. I've gotten to the point where I used to check myself for reactions when guys pass and I can't stop myself, I have to move or release the anxiety. I was smoking once and talking to a guy, and I never thought of it as it but another guy was like dude that's like the third time you've hit on him. I had no idea what he was talking about because I asked him a question EVEN though I guess I could say it is. I don't really hit on girls either though I get nervous. Especially if they are cute. I just don't know the difference of being gay and straight anymore. Any opinions and perhaps relateable advice, especially with the sensation I get when I either am having twitches or just the overall buzzing which is so uncomfortable for me to feel around guys.

24

I sometimes having problems breathing. Shortness of breath, can't yawn fully. Went to the doctor and did all the tests. Physically I'm fine. So we are thinking it is anxiety related. It is so frustrating when thoughts cause physical problems. ..

25

I completely agree with AandG4ever. I'm suffering from exactly the same thing. It all started when I flickered across some gay porn back in July. It kind of aroused me and i found myself compelled to watch it. This was the first time I'd ever watched gay porn, and suddenly I woke up and I just said to myself "What on earth are you doing?" Ever since then I've been terrified that I'll turn gay. Recently it's got so bad though. I am compelled to imagine myself in situations to analyse whether it appeals to me or not. This just makes it worse and worse, but I can't stop. I'll ask myself, "What if you're at Uni sharing a flat with your friend and something sexual happens? Or, "do i fancy that guy? Would I do anything with him?" Each time the answer has always been a no, but there is something there that makes it seem so real. At school a few years back, I used to act gay with my mates, but then again everybody did it but because I was at an all boys school it makes it seem really bad when I look back at it. So because of my past, i feel like i can't label myself has 100% hetrosexual, but at the same time I know i'm not gay because i don't get physically attracted to men, and bi because i don't like men enough to be able to call myself that. But it's the fact that it seems so real now. The frustrating thing is that i know in my heart i'm straight, but my thoughts make me believe i'm not. The best thing is that I can talk to my girlfriend about this, which not a lot of guys could do. But i felt I had no option because it was bothering me so much. I'm just glad she understands.

Stay Strong!

26

Blankout, I completely understand where you're coming from. Myself these days, do not get the thoughts as often because I am on medication but that doesn't mean the thoughts of it don't pass by every so often because they do, I need to get CBT therapy to deal the with these intrusive thoughts, Thats why I think all of ye, should try and get help for this, including akita777, Hawthorns and Cody. This might seem like it will go away but believe me its doesn't. When the thought first came into my head, it was quite easy to ignore it, but then it happened often and lasted for hours and then started happened for days and weeks, and I became depressed and stayed in my bed when suicide came into my head, and I was thinking about self harming again, which I didn't want to go back to again, so my boyfriend and my best friend made me go and see a doctor, and did tell my parents but to be quite honest they ignored me, and still to this day they claim that "I'm making it up and there is nothing wrong with me"

But yes, I did that all the time, trying not to act or dress in a certain "Lesbian" way just in case people thought I was gay , I'm not homophobic, I just don't want to be with a women, I love my boyfriend. I just don't want any of ye to just leave it and forget about it, this is a serious thing and left unattended things could get serious. I understand that thought of being gay is disgusting to us, but put it this way, if your weren't gay before this happened you sure aren't gay now. And plus, people in "denial" love the thought of being with the same sex there just afraid of what people may think, we don't like the thought of being with the same sex for the reason that we wouldn't be comfortable like that because we are straight, its all the head guys. Keep telling yourself that :)

♥

27

It's so nice to find people that are the same as me to be honest. That's why i never did anything about it, because I thought that it was silly and it would just go away. I never think about going to the doctors because I feel I don't qualify to be seen because what i worry about seems silly, if that makes sense. But i realise these thoughts won't ever go away until I get help, but when i'm feeling okay and not worrying so much, I just want to leave it alone because I want to make the most of feeling normal and happy. But it always comes back to haunt me.

28

I am also suffering from H.O.C.D. I like girls and I'm in love with a girl, but there's an annoying voice in my head that says i'm gay or bi but i'm not, i don't like men at all. i can't sleep on my stomach because it seems gay now; i can't do a lot of things and it really sucks. I have recurrent doubts about my sexuality but i know i like women! I can't image anything gay but the voice just is telling me I am. I also worry people might think i'm gay or bi just because i have a lot of friends who are girls. I also suffered a horrific panic attack. I just want the voice to go away so i can finally tell my friend i love her. I'm scared of going to therapy. I know my sexuality but the voice is just going on and on and on! I just want to die so i won't hear the voice again.

29

Hey people, I also suffer from OCD, but mainly HOCD. apart from that the other things I obsess about are: death and I'm affraid I'll never see my friends and family again, natural disasters, cheking if the gas is on (I only had to check once or twice so nothing major, but thanks to my meds I don't feel the need to any more. Thank the lord!), occasionally I get scared that I might be able to mollest someone but I would never!!! Because tbh I think I would be able to murder a rapist or peado. Anyway, the one that affects me most and appears almost contantly in the gay thing. I ducking hate it. I know I'm not gay but my head tells me otherwise. I've had this for years but it only got worse now, I was depressed for a bit because I did not know what was wrong with me. I even cried. I would go on the Internet and type in things like "how to know if I'm gay" and found a table that compared actual gay feelings and HOCD symptoms; I matched all HOCD symptoms. Haha happiest moment. I told my mum and we t to the doctor the next day and the same day I got the medicine I'm taking: clomipramine (I live in England and the health system is free sk I pay for nohing thank god!). So there I was fully happy with myself and then at night time it all hit me like a *****! I cried in my mums arms man :( but yeah the mess took effect and I not longer get much anxiety but the thoughts are still there :s but it's been helping ann HOCD seems to be the only thing getting me now though occasionaly I do get obsessed with another thing. I've already booked an appointment with a therapist and I'm hoping to be able to to see him/her soon. I think CBT is the most effective method so i can't wait for my sessions to begin. But I think it might be difficult to build trust with my therapist because Im also pretty suspicious of people and I don't even mean to be. :s but yeah I'm aware this may never go away bu I want to atleast be able to live with it and be able to manage it to a good standerd. I've told some of my closest friends about my OCD, though I have not told my girlfriend yet because I love her and I do not want to lose her over this. She might either understand or not so I'd rather not take a chance? I really need to fix this because it is affecting my way of life; the way I: talk, sit, act, dress, walkt etc. Sometimes when I get spiked by the thoughts I get even more frightened because I no longer get the anxiety so it all seems more real and true, it seems like it is actually me thinking it. Well it is but you get what I mean lol. And it saddens me because I then beging to obsess about relationships and they go something along the lines of "maybe you don't love her because you are gay, you can't love" and it's so annoying coz tbh I have never liked a girl so much in my while life,she's beautiful, amazing and so caring and I do love her and I don't like having to think about the possibility of losing her. She's the one thing that keeps me sane when I'm with her or do things with her she's the only thing I obsess about, it's like she blanks my mind and only makes me think of her and just feel happy. I do get the occasional thought but it's always easier to block. But I suggest everyone go to a therapist if you suffer from this, I believe it works! I don't think it's useful to think that this will go away for ever but instead this can help us to de with it and still live a happy and normal life like other people can and still chase our ambitions. I'm only 17, and this hit me pretty early but I'm cloning to terms that I may have to deal with this for a long time but I know I will get better, wel all will.

30

Hi, sorry for my poor english Im not a native speaker but I'll try to help you, 'cause I've HOCD, too. and It sucks.
let me tell you that the information is the best defense to beat the disease.
I was very bad last week but I had faith that I would overcome my problem, and it was very positive.
the first thing is that you're not gay or bisexual im sure about this, because gay people know about their condition, they know that they like people of their same sex and the thoughts or dreams about having sex with them are pleasant. gay people are aware of their condition and they feel sad for the reactions of family and friends.
try no to check looking at pictures to know if you like them or not because you're gonna get used to your mind to respond to those stimuli. YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT GAY but you try to check it, I got u...it's a ****, that's the hocd!
Today I thought: what if I have not HOCD?? Im gay and I dont want to accept it cause sometimes i think that I really like women and I want to be with her, with a kind of perversion or depravity and it freaks me out!! come on...it's a ****! I hate it, im afraid to be a lesbian I can't think about it, please God help me
in spite of the HOCD i have a wonderful life, a wonderful family and a boyfriend, who I love with my heart, I wanna live my life
take care
melany

melany

31

http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php take a look at it please!

32

my obsessions are getting worse, it's so difficult
sometimes I think that i'm gonna get out off control...
i dont know, my mind hurts meee

33

Hey Mel536 :)

I hope that you can get professional help for your mind going out of control, Its a terrible thing to go through.

A ♥

34

yeah, thanks for answering me
I'm going to my second interview with a psychologiste this wednesday
did you overcome this?
sometimes I think it's real I don't know, im afraid

35

No problem :)

Thats great that you are taking the step of getting through this because I know its hard to overcome, Well, I think I have I'm not sure yet because it comes back every so often but because I'm taking medication, i'm able to ignore the thoughts, but the thoughts are still the problem and I'm hoping to get rid off them when I go to a CBT therapist soon.

Don't be afraid, we are all here for you and If you need any help, just mail me or soemthing :)

A x

36

thank u so much!!! well...when you go to a cbt therapist tell me about it. i would like to do some techniques
thank u so much, and i know you're strong and you'll overcome it
how old are u?

37

No problem :)

I wouldn't be able to explain what they do, but that is why it is important to get some professional help to suit your own circumstances. :) Or also look up some techniques online.

http://www.psychiatrix.com/anxiety_relieving%20techniques.htm
http://ocd.about.com/od/treatment/a/relaxation_OCD.htm

^ There are two sites above you can try. (:

I'm 18, What about you?

A x

38

oh thank u so much, im better now, my pshychologist helped me a lot but his monday I have to go to the psychiatrist, i think he'll give me medication, well...I want to be fine, but I'm better today, that's an advance.
my name is melany, im from argentina and im studying english, im 21...
:)

39

Can I ask everyone a question?

Is part of having HOCD the feeling that everything seems so real in your mind?
It's making me feel awful, everything seems so real.

40

yeah, that's the hocd, look...just right now I'm obssesing again so I thought: OH it's real!! oh no, God!! (but if it makes you unhappy as me, so...chill out)
this is my facebook: add me----> megan sweeny, im holding a guitar, i'm online so i can help you