Honestly, I don't know what's happening to me. I used to be

Honestly, I don't know what's happening to me. I used to be this kind of person who was so positive in life until I just found myself self-harming. I am an amputee since 2017 (due to congenital disease). But for me, I am not depressed at all. All I know is that I get irritated over things more than before. There are times when I am in a crowd, I feel so conscious about my situation and I'll just literally cry. I'm shy, afraid. Sometimes I care too much, sometimes I don't give any care. I tend to think scenarios about ending my life, like step by step even if in the end, I know that I won't do it---I just tend to imagine, that's it. Then I don't know how to explain this but there are times wherein while walking, or while listening to music or driving, my thoughts just get dark. I don't know what they are but my head just suddenly become heavy and I'l just chant, "It's OK. It's OK. You're fine." to myself over and over again. I am not clinically diagnosed or whatsoever. I just want to know if...am I OK? Because for me I think there's nothing wrong. Aren't things like that normal? To my co-amputees, have you experience things like these?

Hi, ouch, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Full disclosure: I am not an amputee. However I have had lots of similar experiences...My guess is that basically you've had your body, your body image, your self-confidence, your idea of yourself, your competence, your beauty ideal, etc. etc. all torn from you to a greater or a lesser degree by the amputation. These are all losses, like deaths. When the doctors took care of you physically, did they also deal with your emotions? Did they refer you to follow-up counseling or a support group? If they didn't, they were not doing their full job. It sounds like you are experiencing depression, which is a normal reaction to the multiple losses you've experienced. Are you seeing a counselor? Do you have insurance? Can you get referred to a counselor? I highly recommend it. Also, I recommend the book, "The Grief Recovery Handbook." My very best wishes to you.

@L2015 I think they only refer me to some therapists who can help me, physically. Maybe because they thought I was OK since I was brave enough back then to say I’m fine with my leg being amputated, I didn’t even shed a single tear. Now that you mentioned it, I realized they never refer me to some counseling (as long as I can remember), but I don’t blame them. I’m just meeting our school’s guidance counselor but he was not yet license to practice a higher ‘level’ of counseling so we just talk and help me to cope up. I think he wanted for me to go see another counselor but I refuse to 'cause I always think I don’t need it and I can handle things on my own. Btw, thank you for your response and for the book recommendation. Best wishes too.

I feel Lonely and like a freak, and wish I could me a female,amputee who understands. and can relate,I am a good man and kind and caring . If you out there and want too chat , email me at waynecoons54@gmail, or Wayne Coons on face book,age is Just a Number, but 35 too 60 is cool ! I almost dont know
how foo find or meet a good woman these days :Wayne

@pegleg65 thank you sir for your response and offer if i need someone to talk to…best wishes

callmehana : for your disease make sure you do some exercise every day, walking , joining a gym,, dont worry about what others think, please yourself first not others first, Love yourself, , cut out all food that are white, bread, rice etc. Use virgin coconut oil ( walmart carries it ) ! small tea spoon a day In your coffee, and fermented sauerkraut, in the freezer section, it changes the bad bacteria in your gut where your Immune system starts ! ( dont chew it , it taste sucks, But 2 small forks full on the back of your tongue, and Just swallow it, IT easier that way !. Dont waste money on Vitamins , The have No benefits at all. Do smoothies shakes, get your vitamins from fruits, and Veggies . In 6 month too a year you will feel Awesome ! search my commits and my name and find me on facebook, or google hangout If you like .