Hope everyone is well. I need help. I have some inappropriat

Hope everyone is well. I need help. I have some inappropriate sexual feelings or fantasies I have been working on ending for a long time. A year ago, I took a psychological profile. One of the questions she asked was if I had exposed myself to someone. I said no. That was the truth.

I’m paranoid. I can't get rid of the paranoia that I might purposefully or even accidentally expose myself or do something inappropriate. I keep thinking I'm being watched by neighbors, whoever they may be, and that I may be trying to entice them. This despite the fact that the windows in my room and bathroom have shut blinds and the drawn curtains. I do feel arousal at the idea of being watched. What I can tell is that when I have the paranoia of being watched, I feel arousal at being watched, an erection, and/or in the moment, because it feels pleasurable to move that way, my penis twitches or moves slightly in that direction. I can’t tell sometimes if it twitches or moves. Please forgive the details.

When I talked to my therapist some time ago, he mentioned one of his patients was arrested for indecent exposure for sexual activity in public. As long as I CHOOSE not to do that, it won’t happen, right? I don’t want to think or worry about if people can see me and what I’m thinking about it 24/7.

Maybe you should read on OCD to see if any of that fits for you? Maybe not but it won't hurt anything to read about it because it helps to educate ourselves. If your blindes are down no one can see you.

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@Fohb460 You’re probably right, nobody can see me and my paranoia is just making it worse. I do likely have OCD, as was determined by the psychological profile.

You sound worried and anxious about doing something inappropriate, and I'm just curious or maybe it's something to ask yourself: do you feel you want to be desired, or is it that you don't want people to see you? I just wonder if it's some experience you had where someone maybe shamed you about your body, or shamed you about wanting to be desired. I don't think there's anything wrong with fantasizing about something, as long as you aren't doing something without other people's consent. For instance going up to someone and exposing yourself, comes from wanting to feel powerful by wanting to makw someone else feel afraid and projecting wanting to be desired onto them "wanting you" when they dont. However, there are nude beaches. You can literally go thwre and be naked and people will see you. It's acceptable there, to be naked. If you're experiencing an anxiety about preoccupation and not being ablw to stop thinking about this stuff, then yea like anlther supportive member said, it could be sometjing like OCD. You sound like a good person, who wants to do the right thing. Im sure that it's just a normal sort of fantasy, and with all intimate acts of any sort, it really just comes down to consent between adults, that is not ambivalent.

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@Blueberries1234 Maybe I am just overly obsessive. For me, free will sometimes seems more like a theoretical concept than a reality.
I don’t think I’ve been thoroughly body-shamed. When I was younger and up to the end of high school, others made fun of the way I dressed. My failure to get a girlfriend did make me turn inward and criticize my own appearance, thinking my nose was too small or I wasn’t muscular enough. In my senior year, a teacher made a crack about the idea of a female student dating me. “You could do worse,” he said. I’ve been addicted to porn and fantasies since the last two years of high school at least.
In this case of being watched, I do not feel like making someone else afraid by taking away their power. In terms of my fantasy of being watched, I deliberately choose not to indulge or engage in this fantasy. I do believe it is the paranoia that keeps these thoughts from dissipating.