So, my support friends. I think I will be getting some outpatient support by next week!!!!
I saw my doctor a week ago - she recommended me to a relatively new program at the local hospital. I got a call from her yesterday to come in and have blood work done so they know where I stand in that department. The nurse at the doctors office told me I should hear from the program by next week.
I am nervous, excited, scared, overwhelmed etc.... My biggest fear is that I will not be able to eat all that they want me to. What a disappointment I will be to everyone.
I threw out half my lunch on Monday because I attempted to incorporate an egg in my spinach. Didn't go over well :( Tuesday my husband gives me some fried rice for lunch and I gave myself every excuse in the book to avoid eating my lunch. It worked - the bell rang for me to go back to teaching and I ate nothing for lunch. By the end of the period I went to my lunch room to each my fruit but threw out the rice. I am freaking out at the prospect of eating normally. I am comfortable with my usually spinach at lunch with a piece of fruit by three oclock. I don't know why I am refusing food so badly.
Hopefully this program will help me out. I think I will be quite anxious until I finally meet with someone for the first time.
Shana, thats fantastic news, i'm so excited for you :) That is an insane low wait period, you go girl ♥ The way I see it, as I will be doing OP soon also, might as well start incorporating as much food as I can into my days so that when im at OP its not as overwhelming. This week ive managed to add egg, bread, rice, meat all items i have not eaten in over a year...it was hard yes, dreadful, yes...but will it help me in the end? Yes.
Hang in there Shana and Lilac as well.
I see you both going in the right track, Way to go!
Good Luck with your programs and don't fret much about it. It is very natural to be scared but it will also be a challenge worth taking.
Shana I totally know you are not a failure and will not be, Please be aware that this fear is another ED symptom; It wants you to be in fear of failing and it convinces you that you have fail all the time even when praise should be the only thing you should be given.
Please find and use your support people as well. Family and friends can be great to make us feel 'normal' even if they things and we must acknowledge the disorder and its symptoms separately.
Hope you can relax a little until your treattoo do not know how to handle the ed thing very well. ED and us are two different ments begin and don't forget to include 'distractions' into your daily routine such as music, dance, singing, crafts, spending time with loved ones etc etc. Life keeps going on as you go through your treatment and it helps if you live it a little as well.
Way to got! I'm so happy for you! Please don't be worried about disappointing people; do what you can, and trust that they understand what you're going through. They're there to help! And yes, it's hard as heck to eat normally, but I have faith that you can do it. They're there to help with that, too, and they won't start you off with more than you can handle. They'll push you, yes, but their goal is not to sabotage you. Best of luck, and keep us posted!
this is really wonderful news! im so happy for you!!! realy i am.... recovery from ED is the best! it really is so much better than ED ever will be. dont worry --at the outpateint center they will give you the tools necessary to help you through your fears/ worries so dont focus on that. youll be fine...
Thank you soooo much for the encouragement ladies!!!!!
My husband made me eat an egg with toast for breakfast this weekend. It was a little uncomfortable at first but I made it through. It was nice that he did not force his initial two eggs and toast idea.
I told him that I wanted to go running today after work - his response was go for it - as long as I ate something more during the day than spinach salad. I have a banana in my bag for my ride home. I feel pretty confident that I can handle it.
I am still a little freaked out at the idea of having to eat more. Not because I can't eat it but that it will make me gain weight. Silly I know but what can I do????
I am trying to stay positive about the whole treatment idea. But, to be perfectly honest, I am scared shitless. (sorry for the language).
I will keep all of you posted on how things unfold in the next little while.