Its my last day of classes. It should be happy. It wasn't.
First, I went out to breakfast with my roommate like I do every friday. I had all this stuff for breakfast and she was barely eating. So of course i look like a fat cow. Then she says she doesn't feel good and leaves. I am at a dining hall with tons of food on my plate looking like a fat cow all by myself. Oh great. Awesome.
Then to make it even better it was snowing and freezing all day. Ew. Though I got myself a coffee for class with sugar and goodness, I skipped lunch. And I liked it.
I studied for 4 hours after classes, yes its not even 7 yet and I studied 4 hours, and got so frustrated I was almost in tears. I couldn't find a lot of the terms and felt like a complete failure.
Then my boyfriend and I decided to have a conversation about everything that is wrong. We talked about the whole long distance thing and how hard it is and with me in outpatient and GAH! We even talked about breaking up though we didn't. Thank goodness. So I am in a horrible mood from all this...
So I skipped dinner with my friends and opted out to stay in my room and eat gluten free waffles all by myself. Yeah. Great day. And all my friends are going out to party. So I will be alone studying and having my own pity party. I am so depressed and just want to sleep. I want to not eat but I want to binge on everything I can't have which will make me sick if I eat them. I just don't even want to deal with anything.
Hey Allee,
Tough day. But it's in our toughest days that we can actually make our greatest break throughs.
Sweetie no wonder you are upset and sad, talking about a break up is really hard. How about instead of trying to fight off those emotions that make us feel bad with food. How would it be to just allow yourself to feel them? Just allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the sadness or anxiety, whatever is there...breathe it in.
I know it's not a nice feeling, but it is allowing your body to feel the feelings that we push away so much through our EDs. Because eating is a way of protecting ourselves from our emotions.
If you aren't able for it this time, I urge you to try it another time, really engage your body in how you are feeling, and breathe in all that pain...and even though it may make you feel like ****...you will also come through it much brighter...because you can do it...you can cope:)
Love to you hunny...I'm here for you
Moongal x
Oh dear Allee, I'm sorry you're having a tough day/night :(
Rest assured we all go through days such as this. Any chance you could eat a bit more then those gluten free waffles?
Inorder to focus and be able to study to ur full potential, your brain needs focus and fuel.
what happened, hon?
allee, i feel the STRESS of school is overtaking you now..... i really think stress is hurting you now..
remember , distract and breathe,,and you know what? tomorrow is another day, so lets say today was bad tomorrow might not be...
what happened???
i swear, something else happened , that isnt included on this post....am i right????
we are here for you....
love
maureen
ps msg.... me... if you want
love
maureen
I agree with Maureen that you really need to distract yourself today. Do everything you can to push through the negative thoughts. You are so strong and I know you can get through this!