So those of you that know me know I've been on leave since January, dealing with fibro. I've also been dealing with the disability people. We've had a breakthrough there! I'm getting paid finally, but the bad news is I'm running out of time to heal. How can you put time on it? I'm out of short-term disability in about a month. I now have no choice but to deal with it. I have to work. I have to put up with this and I don't know how.
To top it off, my ex husband, whom I'll call the anti-Christ, is just mean today. He wants nothing to do with helping me anymore. The really sad part is I can't stay mad at him. I'm calming down as I write this. Which i suppose is good for me, but...he is just so inhumane sometimes. How can you go through life so shut off to the needs of others? Not just me? I've seen him. It's all about him. Sad case. Guess it is time for me to turn off the emotional sink for him and make it on my own. I just have my own fears of not making it and I think that is what I'm afraid of. Truth be told though I still have time to make it, don't I and I don't need him to do it....
Ah honey I'm so sorry I'd wondered where you been & all of us here ARE your friends to lean on, am sure your gonna make it all about YOU now cause your SO worth it. We know things happen for a reason & I wonder how much more can all of us endure.
Thank you April! I found the strength to go to church, I have lot of friends there- I used to work in the church and they know me better than I know myself. I'm going to bed. But I put things in Gods hands for now and got some hugs and to come home and find this is wonderful!! Bless you! I will write more in the morning! Thanks again! :)
dear Lone, i am so glad you made it to church and found support, and the Lord is working in your life here. this is a wonderful site once you get plugged in and get going. i hope you keep writing that in itself is very therapeutic for me and helps me alot. i found too, that as i go along and look for people whoo look like they need a friendly word or two that helps me be positive in my own life and feel better too. with faith and hope this finds you feeling better on Monday morning....
i love that Holding on with Patient Expectation! i am going to remember that ! thank you so much for sharing that. i forgot to say that if i had settled for what i thought i could manage when i let go of the inhumane man in my life i would have been disappointed. as it was once i let him go and filled my life up with God, even though i was stricken with fibro (i actually got sick from being with him i believe that) i found a lifestyle of wellness and happiness beyond my wildess dreams.but it took that letting go of him and filling up with God and it took time. with hope and faith in us all. again thanks finding my way! by the way you mentioned you are on leave, are you by any chance in the military?
OMG...being with him made you sick...I wonder if we are related..LOL! That is how I was, being with my ex led me to my nervous breakdown. I'm alive because I fought- my daughter needs a mom! I'm very glad I've made it this far! I have no intentions of quitting, I'm just very, very, very, scared! I confided in my Aunt, which is not easy to do when you are 37, but I took the advice of a pastor friend of mine because everything is pointing to me needing to go home. See I chose to stay here in IL, where my only family is my daughter, who is 11. All the rest of my family is in VA and Mass. I already knew in my heart that I cannot leave my daughter, but my Aunt helped me confirm that. We talked for 2 hours and we are more like sisters. I guess right now I need to go hour by hour for the next couple of days. I have an app with the pain specialist today and will hopefully get my steriod shot, tomorrow I see the fibro/arthritis specialist and maybe find out a lot more about me (this is the appointment we have been waiting for for 8 weeks), and Wednesday I will see my PCP who put me on leave. Maybe Thursday and Friday I can go in for half days and then full time next week? I am trying my best NOT to let fear get the best of me, I am, but what if? I also like to be prepared...but it seems that if I go there..it's like I'm not supposed to go there. I will see my own therapist this week too, thank God! My daughter is being wonderful through this! We went to church Saturday night too and that was wonderful for me. Maybe God is calling me back to work in His church? I can move to a smaller space? Maybe He wants me for Him? I am looking for a job closer to home as well and not as stressful, maybe elementary and not highschool....
Thank you all so much for all your support! I don't know what I would do without all of you!
you have alot to think about so take you time and really think think think. this isn;t going to be easy. but you can do it you already have made the first steo. i sense you desparation. but things will settle down bit by bit, just hold steady, hold on, hold steady. i have you in my heart of hearts praying for you and asking Jesus to keep you hour by hour calm and quiet. hope and faith be yours my dear one through this difficult moment.this too will pass…
Once again, I'm down. Doctors just don't get it that we have lives to get back to. I did not get my shot today. It's a double edged sword. I'm happy I didn't get something I didn't need (the MRI didn't show anything), but I'm on a schedule now and still in pain. Since I have an appointment with the specialist tomorrow they want to wait and see what the specialist has to say.
I am so scared I am going to lose my job. Then what is going to happen to me? It is becoming evident that these appointments are going to linger on...I'm just in tears. I don't feel like talking, I'm just beat. And get to go through it all again tomorrow...yeah.
I just read the verse that is your tag line, but take care for I have overcome the world. Cry out to him. He will give you strength. Hope you find some information today.
Hi All,
I did find information today, A LOT OF IT...I think I got placed in God's arms today! This doc was so caring, so gentle, compassionate! I'm sore from the movement and manipulation, but I don't care. He took the time to listen and connect all my symptoms! I go to my PCP tomorrow with all the recommendations and will have more bloodwork. The word Cushings was mentioned a LOT today as was LUPUS. For the first time, though, Fibro was confirmed and pain validated! That mattered more than anything. Even more the doctor said if I could tolerate it, that work would be a healthy distraction for me!!!!!!!! YES!!!! I'M GOING TO WORK FRIDAY!!! Yes, I'm happy, in pain and happy!!! My ex is a **** and is still doing his crap, but I need to be strong in case I need to jump in for my daughter and I will do this. I think God was using my ex as a reality check and He surrounded me with angels (all of you, my family) and most of all my friends here who were able to hug me and console me Sunday night and last night during my ex's tirades. I'm ok. I really am! I'm spending the day with my daughter tomorrow and Thursday (my school kids are on college tours) and then work day on Friday. I'm going to go take a nap now. I'm out of steam. I love you all and I don't know where I'd be without you all! God Bless and know you are in my thoughts and prayers!
Hi! Just catching up on here by reading what the latest is....and I'm SO happy for you because you have finally received a huge blessing!
I'd say, you're right, forget about the ****, you can make it without his help if he's going to act like an a**hole half the time! I'm just so glad to read that you have been able to go back to work which gets your mind off of things.
SO, how has it been so far?! Hugs to you!!! Sunshine!
i have not been able to write for awhile but glad to hear this news above. and hoping your day at work Friday was a good distraction like the doctor said. i will leave it at that and thank you for being in your thoughts and prayers and let you know that you are in mine...with hope and faith that all will be going well and ur ex will be leaving you alone and those issues will resolve too.
You all are wonderful! Friday was great! I am really tired today, so I am just sleeping a lot and trying to do some course work in between. I am planning to do groceries tomorrow. Financially, all is coming together and I am just going one day at a time and documenting everything so that I have records of procedures and dates I worked and didn't work so that if I have to apply for any kind of aid I'm covered.
As for my ex, we are civily speaking in terms of our daughter. I have not approached him with anything else. I have turned to my girlfriends who have been so supportive and my family who have been awesome! Even my co-workers who know me well had plenty of questions, checking in on me yesterday. i think maybe in retrospect I needed to go back sooner, oh well.
Now, we move forward. I had blood drawn Thursday for cortisol and serotinin levels. I had no idea that high serotin levels can cause pain. I see a rheumatologist at the end of May. Today we are good.
I love you all! I have 6 weeks of school left and I am going to do this! There are a lot of changes going on at work too as far as personel so I wonder if in the grand scheme of things, I'm supposed to move on? I'm not focused on this, but I am keeping it in the back of my mind as I continue on. I will probably be writing less, but who knows...at any rate I will keep you posted.