Ok so here is the deal a year and a half ago my wife had an affair we are still together after a three month split but I am begining to hate meself for not being able to put it all behind me and hate the lack of trust that I have how do I get over this
Hey :)
You shouldn't be mad at yourself at all for this, you haven't done anything at all wrong. I understand as my boyfriend cheated on my 2 years ago, and It still affects me terribly, but I have never blamed myself for it, I've asked questions such as "Why would he have done this to me?, Was I not good enough?"
But you should try to talk about this to your wife, Explain how your feeling, or if its having a massive impact on your life try relationship counselling. If you love each other enough ye will get threw this.
But don't blame yourself for the way your feeling, its completely understandable for you not to be getting over this hurtful situation.
Stay strong :)
the problem is she wont go to Counseling And gets mad that I keep trying to talkabout it I really dont know what to do . There was so much that happened that I can even begin to understand because she is unwilling to talk all she wants to do is sweep it under the carpet and forget it happened and I can not do that
Mad, as stated above this has nothing to do with you it was about your ex & in time you'll realize that. Please go easy on yourself & yes do speak w/her if shes willing to discuss/listen if not keep talking w/us here when you feel up to it, we're listening
Take care of you.
April
Heck she is even mad that I am here just to find someone to talk to
Does your wife not want to talk about it because she is embarrassed, or because she just simply doesn't think she should have to pay a penalty for what she did? It will hurt you for a long time, but until she can be open and honest, listen to you, and try to comfort you for the pain she has caused, how can she expect you to get past it? She can't, and she shouldn't - but there again, perhaps she just simply doesn't understand it herself.
My sister recently divorced her spouse of 7 years. She had an affair with a few people, and he forgave her, not fully understanding - and eventually things ended because they never discussed it, just sort of pretended it never happened. She moved out, and a year later they divorced. Part of her was just angry that he couldn't fight for her, even though she knew that she had done the wrong. They grew apart because they never were able to fully come back together.
You have to convince your wife to talk to you, or you will never be able to get past it. Agree that you don't want to argue, just want to get an understanding of it, together, so you can choose not to dwell on it anymore, and eventually get past it. If you are able to communicate and get past this together, your relationship should be stronger then it ever has been.
Good luck and be strong friend.
My husband just left after 28 years of marriage to be with one of my best friends. I am devastated. This is the second affair that I know of. The first time he left and was gone 2 1/2 years. He came back with tears that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. And here I sit alone again.
My advice is you MUST both get into counseling. If you do not find out what drove your wife to commit adultery, I believe the possiblity of a repeat is very strong. The affair needs to be fully disclosed and trust needs to be earned over time. People need to feel special and that they are the most important person in your life. A marriage takes hard work and both need to change together. Be sure to do things together and not go separate ways.