I have been b/p pretty much since I was 25. I will be 40 this year. I have no clue why I started it other than my love for food and obsession with a fit body. I feel like its such a way of life that it will be too difficult to meaningfully stop.
I b/p (off and on) during both of my pregnancies - (thankfully the kiddos turned out OK). I b/p'd after surgeries (knee from gymanstics accident) and some cosmetic surgeries -- when clearly I knew that it would elevate my blood pressure and or potentially affect my recovery -- its like NOTHING will stop this evil vile disease.
I've sought treatment in-patient for a week, different drugs (prozac, etc.), several psychiatrist and psychologist, read self help books... over the years so its not like I haven't tried.
For those who have suffered from this for a long time like me, what has worked for you?
Thanks in advance.
Caroline
I started my ED almost 20 years ago when I was 16. I went for about 5 years with no treatment. Then I checked into an outpatient program that was one month long. The program consisted of psychiatric drugs, one on one counseling, group therapy, and nutrition counseling. This combo really worked for me....eventually. I still b/p-ed off and on for a while and it declined over time. It is only now, 20 years later that I can say I have not b/p for 2 years now.
What I found the most helpful was the group therapy. Having to go home to try and follow my therapy, then reporting to the group the next day how I did. It was having to be accountable, and having a group of people I could be honest with that wouldn't judge me if I failed.
I think what finally got me to the point of not b/p anymore, even occasionally, was my job. I am a singer. I ran into a spot of vocal trouble and realized that the b/p was putting my job in jeopardy. I decided right then and there that I would NEVER do it again, even if it was only once a year.
I believe that you can stop if you want to. Just give yourself some time and know that stopping cold turkey is incredibly difficult and I don't know of anyone that quit cold turkey. I bet if you looked back over time you would see that you don't do it as often as you used to. Just give yourself a little nudge to take it to the next level of NOT indulging. This online support group is very helpful, but face to face group is even MORE helpful.
I think you can do it. If I can do it, anyone can!
Thanks so much for your encouragement Kitty. You bring really good points. I really do have to TRY harder and not just cave in each time I want to indulge. Also, group therapy would be a life saver... however, with 2 small kids and being a single mom its kinda tough. I know that's no excuse when it comes to my health though. I will google and see if I can find some local organizations.
I cannot imagine the added stress of children! I do not have any children. I don't know if this applies to you, but for me, in some ways, my ED was a way of taking time for myself. I would not be surprised if you told me you felt the same way.
Remember not to kick yourself when you are down. Try to show yourself some compassion and understanding. You are already being open and honest on this online support group. For me, killing the secrecy was paramount. That's one down for you!
And in all honesty, I STILL deal with ED emotions. I still fret about my weight, and have frequent panics because I think I am fat! I still "diet" but have to watch myself (with the help of my husband) to make sure I don't get obsessive or extreme!
I guess, on a smaller scale, I still binge and purge. Only the binge now is only a few hundred calories and my purge is a long run.
The thing that keeps me in check is my husband who knows my whole history and my current concerns. He is my reality checker.
i had a little girl when my purging and binging was at its worst but i still could make it out to meetings from time to time. i think its so important to schedule it if you can (like any other "you time" appointment) and then go. some of the time you may be able to go when your kids are in daycare or see if someone that you trust in your neighborhood or church would watch them while you when go to your meeting and then you may be able to swap them and barter - i always felt like cash was so tired when my daughter was little
now that my daughter is 19 and i'm 39 its weird how i notice she now binge eats too. i try not to beat myself up about it but i feel if i would have taken time when she was younger and healed myself then maybe she wouldn't be a binge eater now?
one thing my therapist always temps me with is "if you want to keep binging then you have made that decision you cannot blame the disorder when you are the driver" she is sooo true! i am taking the wheel back and i'm now in control.
so now you get to decide (for me its daily sometime hourly) if you want to be the driver. some of the time you want some of the time you don't (or I don't) but either way its up to you
be well