How do I feel better about myself?

I am a young fairly attractive lady, I should feel good about myself, but I cant because all I can think about it how I don't turn my boyfriend on. We've been together almost 2 years. Our sex life is okay I guess, he doesnt really ever try to do anything for me and i mostly just feel like I am waiting for him to orgasm but what gets me the most is how unwanted I feel. I wear sexy things and he doesnt even notice. Even when I am standing near him naked and we are kissing, he doesnt even get a ***** and then he just goes back to whatever he was doing leaving me standing feeling embarrassed and unwanted. Ive dated guys that would get a ***** just sitting next to me, nothing even close to this ever even happens. I know its probably stupid to base how much he wants me off of him getting an erection but I feel like those directly coincide.
He tells me that I turn him on and that he wants me but theres absolutely no proof. I have tried to talk to him several different ways so please dont tell me to talk to him.
I've cheated in past relationships because I need the feeling of someone else wanting me like crazy. I dont want to cheat now because I actually love him and all of our problems just make me depressed and kill my sex drive instead of driving me to another man.
I am usually a very sexual person and I havent stopped doing nice things for him.
I dont even feel like myself anymore.
I just want to remember how to feel good about myself.

Maybe try changing things up a bit?

You posted this 3 times... Also I wasnt writing down a LIST of my worries, I was expressing this one solely so you have no right to say that all I worry about is sex...

Does he communicate to you during sex the things that he likes about you that turn him on? Like for example "you're so beautiful", "your skin is so soft", "you're so wet", "I love it when you do ...". Perhaps a little more communication during sex would help. Just a thought.

I agree with KevinPDX...perhaps it would help you both if you communicate openly. Try to tell him what you want and vice versa. Ask him what he wants and try to explore a bit, be playful, and be creative. I hope everything will turn out good soon. ;)

Ignore meg_meg. All he/she ever posts are digging comments. ;)

After reading your other post about what a leech he is, I'm just going to say that your boyfriend is an undeserving a$$hole that you should drop immediately. Find a roommate to help pay the bills, then go enjoy yourself HOWEVER you choose to do that (sex before marriage is MORE than fine ;) ). If you find someone to fall in love with, move on from there.

Yeah Im not worried at all about having sex before marriage...shes a few relationships too late for that comment haha.
I have told him several times that I want him to communicate more, even if it is just a moan when Im doing something he likes. I am very open and communicative. Ive told him new things Id like to try and I try to suggest things that he might like..He says he doesnt even have a fetish or anything. I know he is a little repressed and has anxiety but we've been together for 2 years and there was a time where it wasnt even a problem because he seemed infatuated with me. Ive had a boyfriend in the past tell me "Now that I have you I dont have to try as hard" and I am worried thats what my current bf is doing as well..which is NOT true about women btw..

She's a few too late to be saying that comment at all, from what I've read of her posts. :P

Maybe the new just wore off? I know that sounds funny, and two years is nothing to scoff at, but if you guys are living together now (how long have you guys been living together?) and have been getting to know each other better, maybe the novelty wore off for both of you? You're getting to know the side of him that doesn't want to try and isn't willing to listen.
Not to sound mean, but have you thought about y'all's relationship in the past? Maybe you overlooked somethings because you guys were still fairly new in the relationship, that would have warned you that this might be his base nature? I hope that makes sense (I'm pretty sick at the moment, so what seems like a coherent statement will probably look ridiculous tomorrow! lol)

And trust me, I know that's not true! xD My hubby works harder now than ever to take care of me and our kids. (Well, kid, technically. #2 is due in August!) I don't think working hard is necessarily a requirement to be in a relationship, but it sure is nice when the other party is working hard. You seem to be really trying with this guy, and he doesn't seem to be willing to do the same for you.

Maybe a session of 45 minutes or so where you each agree to try as many different sexual positions as possible would help create a spark? Or at least something different. Just hunting for something that might help.

I have felt like this before, I haven't ever been in a relationship that long, so I don't really have an advice to offer. I just understand that feeling. For myself, I feel very validated through sex, even male attention in general. If someone isn't lusting after me, I feel bad about myself, like there is something wrong with me. If that happens in my relationships then I get upset too

1 Heart

I’m the same way and I’m not sure how to change that :frowning:

Has it always been this way?? IS it possible he has an erectile dysfunction?? I know that might sound weird but maybe something to address? My heart goes out to you. *hugs*

That could be. I have ED, partly because of meds I have to take. Wish I could get an instant erection but it takes a little bit. Nothing to do with the woman, just my own body.

I was in a similar situation. I got very frustrated trying to make him understand and it led to fighting and things ending badly. I wish I had just realized it wasnt going to work and left on good terms before it got the way it did.

You have needs that arent being met; if he cant meet them for you or even make the effort then the relationship wont work in the long run. Dont forget, you cant change people. Dont sell yourself short just to make things work, you'll only end up with a lot of resentment.

Good luck.

I dont know if he has ED but i know he does have issues in that department due to anxiety. I KNOW this but, when we are kissing naked and hes still soft..I just hate myself. I cant BELIEVE that its not me..Can guys really be really turned on and excited without an erection?

Personally I can be very turned on and excited without an erection. That part of my body just takes a little time to catch up. One thing that tends to help me is when the woman puts on the condom mostly with her mouth and does a bit of oral sex to start. That can be quite arousing.

Good to see the topic- it's opened my mind up to remember the way I get when men aren't fighting over me... I've been in a relationship with my husband for 5 years and married for one of those years- my longest relationship before this was only a year (if that long) and there were only 3 "committed" relationships (if that's what they were) before this one too. I did a lot of one night stands and casual sex before I tried relationships. I didn't understand why people had relationships. A relationship is soo much work and its selfless.. Anyway- I've turned my husband down so often with sex in our few years together, he doesn't try barely anymore. He expects me to say no and just goes on with his nights and days. I mean, he tries, but doesn't expect anything out of it :( so when I walk through the house naked after a shower- and he doesn't acknowledge me (actually he does a lot- but when he doesn't I do notice!) I feel super insecure and I feel he doesn't find me attractive.. Which makes my head start going on and on about him being unfaithful and thinking of other women- ****... I'm super nuts and really really borderline

I agree with some up there, may be ED...may be you need to be nonchalant and he will feel unwanted and get in there...maybe even g out and LIVE, even a GNO sometime. The thought the pot. of another guy avail to you wanting you....Dating and Jobs are the same...easier to get a (BF or JOB Offer) when you HAVE ONE. IT signals to our inner caveperson you are worthy sexy healthy....

Otherwise if you are waiting for him to finish you aren't getting cookies either so,,,maybe fizzling....fig out why..stress at work, long relationship? Fitness issues, no new content b/c you are ALWAYS together?
Sex therapists help maybe....
Maybe just open your eyes, live be happy and see if you are hot for him, love him, love the idea of love, or JUST codependent right now and he is familiar.

btw try (for you) adrenaline, like extreme sports, dance or anything EXCITING like paintball...

I want to start a group....and for those moms out there some of us can rotate to babysit (or dads can)

I was once on the opposite side of what you're talking about (I was the dude) and it had NOTHING to do with thinking she was attractive because she was hot. It was simply because she did exactly what you are doing and she expected sex at every free moment. It gave me no chance to be spontaneous or blow her mind. I was always just doing what was expected and she would just fall over with her legs in the air.

You have to at least pretend to be hard to get. Most guys like to feel like they are seducing the girl - not just performing a job to do. Ugh... Jeeez, her parents would leave and I'd just think to myself, *sigh* "I guess it's time to have sex now, great..."

Here's whatchu should do: don't give him any! Turn HIM away! I know you're insecure but he's a big boy, he can take it and he's not going anywhere. Dress nice and the more of a challenge you make it for him, the more he just might want it.