I SHOP EVERY DAY CAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. WHEN I DON'T I FEEL LET DOWN. I TRY AND STAY HOME SO I WON'T BE TEMPTED BUT DEPRESSION SETS IN. I AM AN OUTSIDE PERSON AND STAYING IN THE HOUSE IS BAD. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS ME TO OPEN UP A CHARGE,I SAY YES. THIS IS REALLY STUPID. CAN ANYONE HELP ME OR GIVE ME IDEAS ON HOW TO CONTROL IT.PAM
Hi,
I'm the last person that should be responding to this, as I am in your same position, minus the accepting additional charge cards. I'm just beginning this road to recovery, but here's what I've gathered so far. On this website: http://www.shopaholicsanonymous.org/ is a therapist who deals with this problem, by phone, for $200 - $250 per hour. He has written a book on this issue. I have no idea if he is good but he emailed me testimonials. I haven't looked at them yet because I am looking into applied kinesiology (muscle testing and emotional release) because it has worked for me for other issues in the past. I have been advised to get therapy, join a support group, cut up all credit cards, and get someone to hold you accountable for your overspending. I don't think you "control" this, I think you "stop" this cold turkey. I can stop for a period of time but don't know how to stop long term. I shop every day but online, for the same reasons you mentioned and more. I didn't shop today but I bought something small at 11pm last night. It was a necessity, but so is most everything else I find ways to justify. I'd be willing to work with you as a partner if you want. It might be the blind leading the blind but we can be there to support each other. I have another thread with all my details. If you want someone who is in the same position to explore this with you just let me know. You might be wanting someone who can just tell you how to manage it. I just wanted to respond because I just signed up last night and there was no one to talk to to stop me from buying that one necessity. I actually looked on the post for help BEFORE my purchase to see if someone was there.
Pam, it sounds like shopping is your hobby. I would suggest finding a new hobby ;-)
Most of my over spending/shopping was done as a coping mechanism, but I also shopped a lot out of boredom. After my daughter was born I had PPD and I shopped instead of treating the PPD. When I had a few minutes to kill while out and about, I would pop into a store and always walk out with something.
For me there's been a bit of a lifestyle change (I've been in recovery for 2 months), to stop unnecessarily shopping and over spending.
Some of the things that are working for me are...
-Taking my email address off of email lists that advertise sales.
-Making lists for any shopping I have to do and adhering to those list as much as possible.
-When I have the urge to shop, I busy myself with something constructive. (I have started some part-time homeschooling for my daughter to keep me "busy")
-Took ebay, Amazon and other online shopping sites off of my shortcuts bar.
-Made myself accountable to someone else. (I had my parents help me get a loan to pay off my credit card debt, so I can't let them down by getting back into the same mess.)
-STAY OUT OF THE STORES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (This helps with all kinds of issues, but the credit card offers especially. They can't rope me into a credit card if I'm not spending money in their store.)
It really is a lifestyle change and a commitment to changing. I live in a small house and I can't stand clutter. When I buy stuff, my house gets full. I use the idea of a clutter-free space to motivate me. I am in quite a bit of debt and I don't make a lot of money. With the loan I took out to pay off my credit cards, I will be debt-free in 5 years. That is a huge motivator as well. I try to put myself out there, especially here on this website, so that I feel accountable for my actions. It's harder to slip back into my old habits if I know I might disappoint someone other than myself.
In my situation there is more than just a shopping addiction that I have issues with. Once I got on the road to recovery, I started realizing that my issues are like and onion... there is layer after layer of them and they manifest themselves in different ways. Shopping is just a part of it. Talking to a therapist is helping me figure out what drives my behavior. I feel that once I understand what is driving the behaviors, I'll have a better understanding of what I need to do to treat my problems in a positive and constructive way.
I hope my suggestions are helpful for you Pam.
Best of luck to you!
I am a big online shopper. My job gives me a lot of down time so thats what i do. It starts out as a "window shopping" type of thing then ends up as a "i bought everything i could find" thing. My family doesnt suffer from it but because they dont know how much i spend. i lie to my husband about where all my money goes. But i know he notices my new shoes and designer handag. he may not because thats one of those man traits. But i feel like i am tired of not having nice things or feelin like i look nice. So i buy expencive purses and nice clothes to make myself feel better about ME. How do you stop?
kittys.mommy - Stopping for me was just hitting rock bottom financially. I was paying a lot in credit card bills and basically working to pay bills and then charging groceries. It was a bad cycle and I finally decided that I wanted out. Getting out meant facing an addiction I didn't realize I had. Shopping.
Changing behaviors and habits in my every day life has kept me from spending. I stay out of the stores and off the computer for extended periods of time. To do that I have filled my time with other things and rearranged my schedule a bit.
I'm also accountable for my actions now because my parents helped me take out a loan to pay my credit cards. I am physically responsible for paying a loan that's in their name, so I can't get myself back in debt.
All of these things have helped me in my recovery for the past, almost 3 months. Each day is a struggle, but I really just take it day by day.
Good luck!