How do you get your boyfriendgirlfriend or spouse to understand anger is a real sickness?

Guys how can you get your most intimate loved one to understand our anger is a real issue? My spouse tells me that he dont understand why i cant just ignore my anger, why alcoholics cant just walk past the bar. Even though he is my spouse he is very narrow minded about the sicknesses out here that people battle with everyday. We have a child together so i want to beat this anger for her and myself. I dont want history to repeat itself again.He dont know if he can stand by me any longer through this. What makes me angry is that he knew of my anger issues when he asked me to be his girlfriend then eventually his wife. I feel i stand by him and stood by him through all his highs and LOWS so why cant he have patience with me in me doing different things to defeat my anger. I tried writing in a journal, therapy, have been committed to a mental facility. Just as much as he is going through a emotional roller coaster so am I. I do feel bad after i say hurtful things or inflict physical violence. I really would love to hear you'll feedback and tips.

Well my husband just admitted to me tonight that he is fed up with my anger and wants to move on. all i can do is better myself so that in the future i will be healthy for the new love to come my way when GOD is ready to send him my way.

Hi I Want A New Me, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . In dealing with anger issues I feel we have to get to the root of the problem. Why do you feel anger? Has something happened in your past to contribute to your anger issues? Are you over tired? When is your anger worse during the day? What things do you feel contribute to your anger issues? Have you ever taken any anger management classes? One thing I do when I feel angry is to leave the situation that is making me feel angry and go somewhere alone and cool off. Taking a time out so to speak and regrouping. I also have a friend who told me to call her anytime I feel the need to vent and I do that at times.

These are some links that may be of help to you:
http://www.angriesout.com/ - Click through the menu on the left on this site.
http://www.angriesout.com/index.htm#grownups
http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger_management

You can do a search for anger management and find lots of information.

I use to suffer road rage bad. Some things I did to change that was to bring a cassette tape that was calming to listen to. Also instead of yelling, I would pray for the other person to get to their destination safely and I would pray for myself. Also when leaving to go somewhere, I gave myself plenty of time to get to my destination so I didn't feel rushed. By practicing this daily, my road rage disappeared.

In learning to deal with our anger issues, we have to relearn how to respond and react to things. Changing our behavior. We can do this by taking baby steps in that direction. We can also pray for God's help with the matter.

Keep coming and sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

i dont know why i feel so angry. there are issues in my past but i dont know if they are a contributing factor. they might be. I think at times being overwhelmed with life and certain people in my life contributes to my anger. I did look into classes but i always saw them as too expensive. Thanks for the links.

allyou can do is work on you, becoming fully healed and stable, ready to go on. THen you will be ready to give and receive again.

I do feel your pain (though my issue isnt anger the results are similar)

Good Luck and god bless

Anger is a spirit that most definitely needs to be taken care of if it doesnt you can hurt yourself as well as someone else love one or stranger whoever. I believe with pray and asking God to help you appropriate the anger properly it will do you some good. I witness it at my church. This young man had so much anger if he didnt deal with it then he was going to hurt someone bad. God is a helper of all those things. If you dont know God like that then get to know him like that. If you ask him to help u in this area he will help. He specializes in things like this. I do concur with some of the post here. I will continue to pray for you. God Bless you and everyone on this post.

this is my first time here. Not sure what to expect I hope I can get some helpful feed back, I'd appriciate it.
Any way I have always had an anger issue but never let it go too far, until my wife of 2 yrs. pushed me. She has a severe anger problem but won't admit and that gets me mad and her anger pushes me to blow up at her. Any way we have been arguing more over the past three to four months up until auguest we have been in heated arguements almost daily and most days in many heated disputes and usually over little silly things that are not important. I usually tell her, lets quit arguing and forget it it's not worth it but she never does. Then either I go off on her and tell her she is a dumb *** or something else or I back down and say yes your right I'm wrong ten times until she cools down and stops.Any way this one day we were both off she complained and bickered all morning,afternoon and night about every little thing she kept complaining that I kept saying I was going to leave her over the last few weeks,which I did and I told her it was because I had enough of our arguing and fighting and I wasn't happy. That night she kept bitching and complaining until I finally had enough and screamed back and told her I had enough of her ****. Then she pulled her stunt of going in the computer room and locking the door which she knows pisses me off because she goes on the computer and talks to other people who I don't know and since I can't see what she is doing or who she is talking to she does it just to piss me off. I had been drinking quit a bit and kicked the door in and she was on her phone I asked who was she talking to and she said the police I went to grab the phone and she bit my arm and locked her jaws on my arm. I tried pulling my arm out of her mouth but couldn't, it was extremely painful. I tried pushing her face back and that didn't work so I grabed her hair and pushed her head back, that didn't work so I pushed her head down and finally got my bloody arm back I hit her in the arm. the police got there and arrested me for hitting her and didn't care that she was bitting my arm. so I couldn't post bail and went to jail for over a week and had no way to contact an attourny and had to plead guilty or spend another month in jail. I also lost my job because I was not able to contact them to let them know what happened. When I got out I had a restraining order on me unable to go back to our appartment. I checked our bank account and she took all the money out so I had nowhere to live and no job and no money and only the few clothes she put in my car. I was unable to contact her in anyway, so i got the police to excort me there to get my things and she only let me take most of my clothes and nothing else. Almost everything there was mine. we didn"t talk for eight weeks until she finally text me and we talked and she said she would bring the rest of my clothes which she did the next day and then said she missed me,loved me and wanted to be back togetherbut it would take time before I could move back in because her family was mad at me and she had to get a room mate to pay the rent, so I agreed that I loved her still and missed her and wanted to try to patch things up. She spent several hours with me that day and said she wanted to spend the night the next day, I said ok. that day after a few hours she told me she met someone while we were broke up and had sex with him and let him cum in her. Obviously that upset me and I didn't get mad but let her know that bothered me and wasn't just going to be able let it go. so she got mad and didn't spend the night. She did take me out to dinner for my birthday before this happened. She didn't spend the next day with me which was my birthdaylike she was going to because she was mad at me.Any way (this is getting to long and i'll get through this quicker) she was calling me and talking to me and came to see me several times, I didn't call her or go to see her because she had a restraining order on me. She finally took the restraining order off only after we decided to go to mrriage counseling and they said they couldn't with that on. So I was able to call her and we talked more often and she came over more often but she still gets angry over little things and I let them go but it's been quite a bit so I told her I wasn't going to keep putting up with it. She told me she told the neighbors and her family(kids and mother) that there was a restraining order on me and I wasn't to be at the apt. now she wants me to go over there. I said I want to but before I do she to tell the people she took the restraining order off and it was ok for me to be there so someone didn't call the police. Even though we both had a copy of the modified order I had a very bad time with them doing what they want weather it's right or wrong and don't want anything to do with being back in jail under any circumstance. She has gotten mad at me several times now because she won/'t tell anyone but her son. now her son is mad because she is seeing me. I don't know what to do any more. Should I keep trying to make this work or let it go. My toher issues at this point are I'm unemployed,broke,living in my house thats in forclosure,have bills I can't pay and claimed bankrupsy a year ago and have no where to live when they throw me out of here and she will only let me there if I get a job and quit drinking. What way do I turn and what do I do????

Hey Carl,
Not to be smart or rude in anything i say. First u need to pray to GOD and let him know how you are feeling, what you going through, and what he wants you to do. Trust me this works. Im a Chrisitian. As you know i have anger issues. I was with my spouse for almost 4 years. In those years i was committed to a mental facility twice and locked up. When i got locked up it was a situation dealing with my anger. My spouse who was my fiance at the time didnt want me to leave the house with our daughter because he believed i took pills. I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was prescribed pain medication. there were times when i would take a pill just to calm me down if my anger was at that point. Looking back that was a stupid idea. Anyway he prevented me from leaving the house so of course i started to get irritated and my anger came out. i started tearing the house up and then he called the cops. In addition he was a correction officer so he handcuffed me till the cops arrived. that only led me to blackout and do more damage. till this day i cant believe the things they said i did. anyway im the one who gets locked up and charged with endangering the welfare of a child when in my opinion all of this could have been avoided if he permitted me to leave the house and not keep me there against my will. the state also took away my parental rights and put a restraining order on me from seeing my daughter. i had to prove to the judge i was a fit mother in which GOD was on my side because all the charges were dropped, i regained custody of my daughter, and the restraining order was lifted. There were other incidents as well between my husband and i. Recently i lost my job because i was a teacher and they ran a background check. The first year of my unemployment they didnt say anything however this year some reason they had a problem with the charges of endangering the welfare of a child even though i was never convicted. Rite now im still unemployed and going through an expungement process. The same day i lost my job is the same day my husband dedcided to leave me. I can relate to where you are in life. I personally think you should leave that young lady alone. I know its easier for us to go back to what we know but if the person you are dealing with is bringing out the worst in you its just better to let it go. What she did when you were locked up was wrong in my opinion, and for you to tell her you forgive her but cant let it go that quick and for her to get mad. To me you should just again move on. Also pray to GOD he is listening. I will pray for you and pray for you to get employment.

Thank You for taking time to respond to me, I appriciate it. I feel for you and pray for the best for you also. I think you are right about leaving her alone, maybe not fot the exact same reason you said beacuse I can’t explain everything needed for anyone to make a fully informed educated decission in one paragraph. What you said about leaving her alone I think minght be best for her but I’m not sure. She had a learning disability in school and probably still has a slight one. She is very independent does well and doesn’t like to be told what to do. About her, she has adhd, has been treated for depression for many years, tried commiting suiside twice, once aprox. 10 yrs. ago and 1 year ago when she was married to me. She has a anger problem and I told her to make this work she has to go to anger management classes also, but she feels it’s only me even though I point out almost daily the hot head she has. The thing is all that happened I still love her and want to be w/ her and she loves and still wants to be w/ me. Even though both of our families are against it. Just so you know if I didn’t say I am 52 and was married for 20 yrs. with 3 grown children in there 20’s and she is 40 married for 12 yrs. w/ a 16 and 20 yr. old.

How do you get someone to understand that anger is a sickness? By first understanding that ignorance is a sickness too...

In response to poor_carl... beating a dead horse only makes it "deader", not more alive... think about it...
You've done your best...