A man who I have been dating for a short time now has shown a great interest in marijuana and it seems to be a big part of his life to the point where it has interfered in our time together. It seems to over-take him and he becomes this different person who I can't even be around when he is high. He told me that it's only on the weekends, and it helps him "quiet the loud noise" in his mind because he has a lot of stress and pressure in his mind. At first I was willing to accept this, but when I visited him, we spent majority of our time at his place where he got high and I felt that I needed to leave because I didn't like the person he became when he's high. Then, when he came to visit me, being high was a big priority. This really upset me and hurt me deeply, because I felt that being around me wasn't enough for him, he needed to get high.
How do you know when someone is an addict and where do I go from here? Thank you so much!
Scientifically, marijuana is not physically addictive but psychologically addictive. Based on what you wrote: it does appear to me that your bf has a problem w. using this drug because he has to use it every weekend, uses a significant quanitiy, his use of this drug interfers w/ your relationship. & he is a different person when he uses this drug. Many people use marijuana recreationally (like alcohol) but when it is ruining a relationship & he appears to choose using that over spending time with you-than it appears he has a problem. I am not sure how long you have been with him but I would recommend discussing how you do not like spending time with him when he is high bc of how he acts; and see if you could come to a compromise. If he is just someone who likes to get high & is not willing to change for your relationship-than I would recommend reevaluating your relationship because you deserve to find someone who wants to spend time w/ you & you deserve to be happy! Good luck & I hope your bf realizes he might have a problem & gets better!
Hi Marisol, thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate your advice and guidance. I really really needed it. I spoke with him about it when he was in town and again last night. I essentially told him that I couldn't be with him any longer, I couldn't make him choose me or the marijuana, because he would resent me down the road. I want him to take a big step back and to really look at himself and his life. I can't allow or condone this behavior. Recreational use is okay here and there, I have friends who do so, but when it's continuous and constant, then that's a problem. The discussion got heated and I hung up very upset. I am feeling a ton better now, like a big weight has been lifted because it was too much to deal with. Thank you again so much for your time, I appreciate it so much! Hope you are well. Wishing you a beautiful rest of your day!
Hi Puppy, My first husband had quite an "issue" with marijuana and it didn't bother me at first because he didn't do it often. Then I found out it got worse and worse and interfered with things like picking up me and his newborn baby at the hospital!!! I gave him time to quit, that time never came and I set out on the world a single mother of 4!!! Today, he is a really great Dad and has not used anything in 7 years. I think for some people they just can't use it without letting it interfere with their lives.
I do have an 86 year old friend who uses a few times a week!! LOL She was given 12 months to live, 18 years ago..... It helps her pain immensely and helps her to be able to eat. She believes she would have been dead by now without it. But she doesn't act the way my ex did.. I just really thinks it has to do with the individual persons "make up", as to how it affects them and their lives.
It's funny because I'm a candidate for medicinal use and I've never even tried it. I hear it can make you tired and paranoid... I'm that way by nature, so I was afraid it would put me in a **** coma!! LOL I am actually probably one of those people it would affect negatively!!
Hi Suzee, thank you so much for your insight, it's so incredibly helpful. I think that if it's totally in control and recreational [meaning every once in a while], then I am okay with it. I know people who use it for stress and anxiety, but even then it's every once in a while. I really don't like who he is when he is high, he becomes such a different person, where he is boyish and it's a very big turn off. I am happy that I walked away from him now, though if he ever turns it around, then I will re-visit a potential relationship with him then.
Hey Puppy,
I am so sorry for the way things have worked out with this guy. There are other ways to deal with issues like calming one self without resorting to that. I used to smoke that stuff a great deal in college and although it never really affected me a great deal at the time, made me tired most of the time, long term I think it has affected me greatly.
I do believe you are doing the right thing by not taking it lightly if that's any consellation.
Hey Puppy-so glad you were able to put an end to your relationship & that now you feel a weight has been lifted off your shoulders! It sounded like he had a problem, I agree if he likely would have resented you if he had to choose you or pot; and ultimately you did not share the same interests. Hope you are well & have a beautiful rest of your day too!
It is good that you put an end to the relationship. You should not put up with the way he was when high and it sounds like he wanted to be that way a lot.
Moongal, Marisol, and Tools, thank you so much for your time, advice and guidance on this, it helps me so much. He and I talked for almost 2 hours last night and the conversation went in circles. He really doesn't get it, as he tried to list out every other reason why he thinks that I want to end the relationship and I stated very clearly that there is no other reason, the only reason is marijuana. I even told him that I don't mind occasional recreational use, but not regular use. Then, I told him that I respect him and his choices, but it doesn't have to be my choice, so I choose to walk away.
Also, at first he told me that he turned to marijuana to help him curb stress and anxiety from his work, then last night he said that he liked it and would do it even in happy times. That really scared me. Though, he said that he only does it on weekends, holidays and vacations, but not all weekends, holidays and vacations. It was a huge dose of reality. I told him that I thought it was very sad that he was willing to lose me over drugs and I thought that it was even sadder that we were even having this discussion.
I went back and forth on it in my mind after the call and thought that maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill. And that everyone has their idiosyncrasies and this was one that I should tolerate. It seems that each man I date has one something or many somethings, and at what point do I stop and work with a man on these things?
Puppy,
I totally believe you are doing the right thing here. That stuff causes terrible long term mental damage, and if he can't even think of maybe leaving it to once a month or at the odd party, but it's part of his routine then you're better off without him.
You are not happy now, imagine what it would be like 6mths down the line, only harder to leave.
I am sorry it didn't work out sweetheart, I really am. But this guy is obviously not the right guy for you, your right guy is still out there.
Moongal, you are just too wonderful, thank you so much for making me feel so much better about everything, I can't thank you enough for that. We live far away from one another, so remaining friends will be easy. I don't want to ditch someone, so to speak, when they are in a "dark" place in their life. But, I need to do what's best for me, and that is not to be in a relationship with him. I will hold strong to that. Thank you again! Wishing you a beautiful day!