How do you let go of the anger

Well I can't believe I am posting this one up. I got into a really horrible horrible "thing", i won't even call it a relationship, with a guy, like 2 years, basically he just used me. It started off like a typical relationship would crazy about each other but then it turned to trash and we both new it was nothing.

At least he thought I knew it was nothing and I tried to convince myself I really believed that. It was awful though, on the rare occassions we did see each other, I used to cry for days after, because of how bad he would make me feel. He would always say he would do things and never do them...always promises, promises, promises and nothing. I never told him about the tears...God forbid. Then it got worse...he started talking about other women to me and talking to his friends about me behind my back in a really degrading way.

To be honest I'd heard that he was talking about me before but I'd never approached him on the matter, I was just too afraid, but this had torn it for me, I was done! I just waited for him to go to and then Oz I cut off contact. But 6 months later those other feelings crept in of "missing" him...so I emailed...anyway we were back and over emailing again for a while but things turned pretty nasty fast (believe me, his fault AGAIN...you wouldn't believe me if I told you)...and basically I ended up blurting out everything how he'd hurt me, how I used to cry, how i was glad he was gone out of my life.

I don't find myself regretting it, but I'm still filled with anger. He didn't, of course, bother to apologise...because he knew an apology this time wouldn't lead anywhere. But he hurt me so so so much and I toughed it out because...I duno.

I just want to be at peace with it now. I would love for him to genuinely say he was sorry, he has no real idea of the damage he had caused me, but that will never come.

I don't want him, or care for him anymore. But how do I let this anger go...in truth, I am angry at myself too, for all the wasted tears and time and energy and hoping and I need peace from it now.

Anyone else understand this?

MG x

I am feeling exceptionally angry today at the whole situation. The thing he did (that I wouldn't mention earlier) was put up pics on facebook of him and a new girl in bed together, it wasn't anything raunchy, but you got the message and there were comments left...I went on his page to congratulate him on getting a new job and wham...there they were...

I think today it's driving me to the brink of insanity, everytime I think of it...
And then I think do I really have the right to feel like this... I just feel so hurt and used and like something that is so disposable.

I haven't uttered this in sometime, but I just want to curl up and die, because everytime I think of it, my mind goes into overdrive...I just feel like a piece of a trash...how can someone make you feel so bad? please let me shake this...I've started to want to cut again.

woah hon give yourself a break

its always devastating when a relationship turns nasty, im suprized u lasted so long to be honest.

yes i do no where u are coming from it happened to my youngest daughter she was saving to move in the bf was saving to emigrate!!
simple short term solution we brought balloons and got her to jump on them each bang was a bad feeling gone iwth great satisfaction.

but we suggested she wrote the for/againsts to put it in some sort of perspective, depending on which one outweighed the other we would chat about it if it was the bad then dump it/burn it and move on

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Thanks D,
I think I lasted that long because I had convinced myself it was ok because he didn't realise how bad things were for me. But in all fairness looking back how could he not have? I did mention it to him, but in a very subtle manner and he just would say "ooh sorry" and I would let him go with it. The way I allowed myself to be treated was horrible.

I still want to cry when I think about it. My confidence has been shattered and as for sex...I don't even want to think about it. I just wish I could erase memories.

Hope you having a good day
MG x

moongal

i think the problem u have is u were too subtle. i find men and my daughter in laws back me up on this dont understand unless u are direct.(and these are my sons we are talking about)

when u have a gap to fill its easy to let the gap be filled with just any old thing, its not a crime it filled a purpose/need at that particular time and place in your life, mayb u should have called a halt to it earlier but its ok to go wrong,
as for the sex im guessing it might have been rauncy or experimental and thats fine u will have learnt something about the things u did and why u did them.
if u didnt like it then u are now aware of the build up to the said action and can stop it cold.

as for your confidence im suprized u are feeling low.
did u not extract yourself from the relationship? did u not decide it was time to call a halt and move on?
did u not put u ahead of everything else?
girlfriend if that isnt a confident balanced young women taking charge i dont no what is

u can feel sorry for the person who was u a few weeks/months ago who had that going off in her life but give her a pat on the back for the maturity she showed to stop it dead, the courage to walk away even if it left dismay doubts chaos and remorse,
that is what growing up and moving on is all about

so well done u for the choice that u deserve better

as usual

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Ya, logically, I know you are right.I don't know why I feel so low in confidence. One side of me is saying you should be so proud. The other is saying you've never been that nasty to anyone, so I guess I'm very sad about the whole thing too. No, the sex wasn't really experimentary, but I felt that's the value he put on me, it's like something was taken from me, so it has had an impact I guess.

I guess at the end of the day what I need is a genuine apology from, him that recognises the pain that he has caused, but that is not going to happen, so I have to realise that the person I so so wanted him to me...is not the person he is.

Thanks for talking D, you're being fantastic.

Iam proud of you.

well

were u really nasty or was it justified? because im sure it wasnt half as bad for him to hear/recieve as u have made it out in your mind.

thats the problem when we are hurt and lash out we dont behave how we think we should do and have huge issues over something that wasnt that serious for the one hearing the news,

im sure u are more dismayed at your own actions than the whole relationship and that affects your confidence.

smile slime dont need remorse :D

loving thoughts and positive vibes

It was really really justified, I think everyone around me saying THANK GOD, FINALLY! I'm just not a confrontational person so I think it just shocked me.

But at least I can say whole-heartedly, that I will never regret finally standing up for myself.

then it was all justified file under done and move on with life

so proud of u for standing your ground and puttin u first

im elated that u are moving up to be your own caretaker

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Thanks D,
I think I am letting go of the anger toward myself slowly, it's ok to make mistakes in relationships passed that's what learning is all about.

I'm looking forward to meeting someone great...but for now flying solo is A-okay! :)

moongal

after the day ive had flying solo sounds wonderful, good for u for making a lifestyle choice :)

im sure the one is just around the corner.... or over the hill.... but definately there lurking.....

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes

ps i want to hear all about the one when u get them :)

Moongal I wanted that same apology from my husband of 19yrs. & for the things hes doing, it never happened & I stopped looking for it 5yrs ago, so I understand how hurt you are feeling right now although he did show you his TRUE COLORS & have faith in yourself that you will never let yourself be treated this way ever again by anyone & please try to consider it a learning experience for future reference in life, lord knows I work daily at not letting my so called husband be a GLIT on my Radar screen, keep talking, let it out. Its not always simple to let go of but harmful to ourselves.

Take care of you

April

Hey,
Thanks for sharing April. I'm sorry about the predicament you are in with your hubby. He was always showing me his true colours, I just wanted them to be brighter than the dark greys he was painting (like we were in the begining of our short lived time)...but he has truly gotten his walking papers...it's kinda liberating in the way that I won't have to worry about what crappy thing is he going to do next to make me feel bad, because my life is my own now.

And sometimes I do get angry at myself for wasting all that time and missing out on opportunities I had because I hoped for some kind of miracle..because looking at it now I was miserable and scared.

Have you and her husband tried counselling to iron out these issues? Sometimes...some men...can be so stuck in their "i'm right" ways that they don't want/need to see they need help. Has the subject ever been broached?

Warmest Wishes to you sweetie

MG x

Wow, sounds very similar to what's happening to my best friend. I hate to say it, but guys sometimes just SUCK. I don't know where you stood in your life while you were dating him, but were you lonely? Or felt he was better than nobody? Why did you put up with the crap? As far as dealing with the anger, I know it's hard. I was cheated on, and believe me, my anger got the best of me for a long time. I don't know what will work for you, but for me, I stayed busy and just appreciated the fact that I was strong enough to leave such a toxic relationship and looked back on it as a learning lesson. Mistakes I've made that I will never do again. Things happen for a reason, they aren't always good reasons, but we learn from them and hopefully something good happens after.

Hey July,
I'm so sori about your friend, she will come around to see things right when she ready, just keep supporting her and making her realise that she does deserve better. But listen to her and just be there for her...even if she makes the mistake again and again and again...try distracting her with other activities or maybe even dating others, so she doesn't just see him as number 1. This girl is strong, she's just getting beaten down a lot.

No, I pretty much always logically knew the lad was no good...and would only ever do right for himself. I just kept thinking if I do take myself down these few steps on the ladder then he won't get mad and spiteful at me anymore and he won't talk about other women toward me or talk about me, or be critical of me...there were times when I'd be excited about something happy going on in my life but I wouldn't tell him, because i knew he would never ever be happy for me...it just wasn't in his capacity...and I didn't tell him so he couldn't take the joy I felt away. I was always trying to make sure his ego was intact while I was falling apart crying on the sidelines...it was so bad.

I think why I put up with the crap was because we were good at the begining and I just wanted it to be that way, not this new guy, who was rude, crude and angry.

Guys sometimes really do suck...at the moment I am giving them a wide birth...but I've come to notice, the guys that give you hassle, aren't worth it...
I heard a really nice saying - No man that is worth your tears will ever make you cry them....kinda makes a valid point.

But there are good ones out there too. I do remain hopeful in some random home, in some random conversation out there is my future man...I just have to meet him yet:)

Ya we do learn from our mistakes, I'm just hoping that it remains a lesson learnt and not a burnt girl carrying this lesson...if you know what I mean.

Ya you did right getting out of that situation and it is hard, you realise after the age of 12 that things aren't black and white anymore...so you were very strong to do that, I'm sure it was tough.

Wishing you a great day...and your friend the best of luck, one day she will see what a great person she is - just as she is.

MG x

everything happens for a reason sometimes so we can grow and learn and others cos its the right place the right time the right one

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Yes moongal we had therapy in'03 (4 different doctors) I was told he needed one on one w/meds. He went 6 times & stopped, I would not codependant/enable by playing med police, so he stopped that too. I kept researching to be supportive & learn for myself some things & in the long run it was & is good for me to be a better person for myself & others around me. Took me 2yrs to stop being angry at myself or him not wanting to help himself, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. We're married by paper only, thats fine for today for who knows what tomorrow brings huh. We cant make people do what they dont want to do thats why their on this site grasping at straws, trying to find a quick fix instead of taking the time to talk it out like all of us are it helps. Its up to US to take care of ourselves.

Yes we do have to look after ourselves. I hope that you are doing alright hun. I hope it's not too stressful on you.

Ya it like a weight been lifted off, it's like you took them on as your responsibility and finally let them go and it's up to them to sink or swim.

Warmest Wishes to you April
MG x

found in bed on face book????

and u are upset? hmm personally i feel sorry for the littel girl he is humiliating both by allowing the pic to be shown, the comments that turn it into something sleazy and cheap,

so hon although it was prob a shock to see u are lucky cos as far as i can see all the new girl is gettin is disrespect, labeled and given a rep because of his ego

as always

loving vibes and positive thoughts

Hey D,
Ya, it was on his profile page, just right there. I'm not a stalker, I just feel like such a fool, for going over to say congrats and wham...there it was. I was thinking of the girl and wondering what she was thinking to be honest...but now I'm just thinking..."ouch", and the comments that were left between the two of them..."ooh we hardly got any sleep" and he was like "oh well I had my fun" it was just so....arrrgh!

In one way I'm like delighted I got the golden ticket to walk away (And I will never question was he a good person) and in another I can't not think about it...Why, when I had told him how much he hurt me about making even comments about other women would he put that up???

The ironic thing is after we got in contact again after I laid it flat and said that i was afraid of what he could do next to hurt me...and BAM he does that! Shouldn't I just be laughing at this at not taking it so hard? I mean he's the one that looks like the muppet.

Hope your day going better :)

MG x