I am 33 and have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I have a 3.5 year old son who was conceived naturally after 2 years of ttc and 2 failed IUI's. I have now been ttc for 2 years again and done 3 failed IUI's and just found out last week that our 1st IVF cycle was unsuccessful. I feel so fortunate to have my son, he is amazing. I am not sure what is harder though when we were ttc the 1st time and thinking I would never have a baby or this time ttc and thinking I will never have a baby and also feeling racked with guilt that my son will never have the joy of a sibling. We can't afford to do anymore fertility treatments or adopt at this point and truthfully I don't think I have the emotional band with to do more anyway. I want to be happy with my life as it is but feel resentful when I see pregnant women or families with kids. I have never posted online before but just feel so alone right now, thought it couldn't hurt.....
I'm glad you are here, you voiced your feelings very well so others here can learn other options in life. Its probably a good thing to take a break & just enjoy the ride w/your family & focus on them instead of mights & maybes & what one sees in their daily surroundings, its stressful to blow the bank & create other stressful consequences that just dont help one to suck up the joy of what we already have in life & smell the roses. Please keep talking/venting with us & take care of you.
April
You're not alone- I feel the same way- writing a post doesn't make the pain go away, but it feels so good to let someone know how you feel. I am sure your son, sibling or not, is happy to have a mother who sees him as an amazing blessing.
I can relate to your situation. After trying for two months I conceived my son who is amazing. Two years later, we started trying for the next child and the results were not as favorable. After another four years of doctors visits, we found out that my husband was practically sterile. I was quite beaten down with all that we went thorough those six years.
I call my son a miracle since I'm not sure if my husband was always sterile. We tried IVF which didn't take and since insurance didn't cover it, we had to stop for financial reasons. I wanted to adopt but my husband wasn't quite ready. I really feel awful that I couldn't give my son the sibling experience, however I am blessed that I at least have a child.
Your feeling towards others pregnancies is normal and only natural. I'm not sure if adoption or donor eggs are an option. From personal experience I know that I should have resolved it sooner than later. Enjoy your son for they truly are precious and although its not the same as having a sibling, try to arrange for play dates and other childrens activities so that your son does get the experience of interacting with other children.
I can tell you are a very caring mom and what more can a child really ask for.