i've really been needing to share what has been happening with me and my chronic pain plus b---- a little. the past 4 days have gotten back to the unbearable point. it gets to the point of not being here would be a good thing....the pain has been off the wall and as you know when we are in the pain the mind and emotionas go there also. last night was the worst i've had in many months emotionaly wise. so deeply depressed and not caring about much of anything. the waiting game on the surgeru is getting old. i've been in a holding pattern for 3 months running into all kinds of set backs from the docs. the latest is one of the surgeons needs to get privaliges at the hospital that the surgery will be performed. this has been going on for a month. like how long doe it take to get the pappers and go....so my emotions have been all over the place all day long the past days waiting on surgery that terrifys me. this is my spine wa are talking about and et like lets just get this party started already. the moods are also due to a year ago the 30 th of this month i found mother on the floor she had committed suicide and then 2 months later daddy died plus deling with tis illness. so everything right now is just overwhelming for me and i cry at the drop of a hat. i see even ny spelling needs work aaaahhhh just wanted to vent al iittle thanks so much for reading now its back to the boards and see if i can help someone else...i was tould long ago that the best thing you can do when you are in pain is help someone else so off i go...love to you all and hope your feeling better than i am at the moments...comments welcome
Kathy, thank you so much for sharing your innermost feelings with us. You are always so strong and here for everyone else, though we need to be here for you. I shared with you before that my sister made a comment to me the other day that brought tears to my eyes, she said "you support everyone else, but who supports you". I want you to know that I am here for you and I want to know if you're hurting [not only physically, but emotionally] so that we can work through your emotions.
I know that this is not an easy time for you, as you have been waiting on surgery [which takes the patience of a saint to begin with] and also layered on top of that are emotions of your mother's passing. I know that your surgery is coming and it's coming at the exact right time so that it takes; you will soon be disco dancing the night away and I expect to see those videos :-)
And, I know that your mother is there with you, she is watching over you, she is giving you strength and holding your hand through this. Talk to her and tell her how you are feeling, because she hears you.
You are in my daily prayers and I am sending you tons of healthy healing energy. Sending you big hugs & lots of love.
hey puppypal thank you for the thank you hehe as of late its just been up and down multiple times a day. i can’t be the only one with chronic pain that goe s thru this. but in any case i’ll be back for sure. i’m never been as vulnerable in my life so it seems this past year. but have learned much as a result. so i’m hoping that it will help others. thanks hun so much for everyting, we’ll be chatting soon i’m sure.
Kathy, you are always such a help and inspiration to us here. I know that you have already helped so many of us here and continue to do so daily. Sharing our own personal experiences always makes others feel like they're not alone. I've felt so alone in many ways, and by coming here, I feel like I am embraced daily and it's the warmest and best feeling.
thanks puppy for the kind words. and thats seems to be what we do best help and embrace each other. thanks for being here in our chronic pain support group and adding your inspiration for us to be able to carry on for another day.
Dear Sweet Kathy, I am so sorry for all that you've been through and are going through. I am here for you anytime for any reason. I know how hard it can be to deal with the horrible pain and I am praying your surgery works really well so that you can have some relief.
You are so strong for everyone and I want to be strong for you and support you!
I think about what you've been through just in the past year and I literally cry tears for you. You are an absolute inspiration and you have taught many, including me, so much. I am honored to be here with you, holding your hand and sharing my chocolate!
Always in your corner sending hugs, Suzee
suzee-q can have vanilla instead? your very kind hun…you, me and our mutual admiration society…don’t ya wish we did’nt have so much to be admired for ugh…i am really not strong at all truth be known…its a god thing hun, strickly god thing. i’m a big whiney chicken at heart…how does one spell a chicken sound pauk pauk pauk!?
coming from someone like yourself, i am the honored one hun
SURE you can have vanilla instead!! LOL Was wondering where I could get rid of it because it's taking up coveted space for chocolate! hehehe
How are you feeling today? Did you get my message in answering to another thread?
Am struggling emotionally due to my abuser having visitation today until 6pm. One of my daughters saw my son and his "faker" at an auction. Poor kid looked miserable. He is quiet and subdued and sad whenever he is with him. "Faker" kept my son within a foot of him but my daughter kept waving and smiling to let him know they are watching.... Ummm I want to say this here and if anyone needs info, message me... I LOVE GPS....
SO, pain SUCKS today... Sorry, was that too loud? hehehe I think the pain seems to get louder when we are having emotional issues, stress, sadness, panic etc... So I'm sorry to whine... but I know you really do understand.
Hope you are feeling better today.
Gentle hugs, Suzee
vanilla malted shake would be even better! i’m sorry you still have to deal with the faker as you call him. sure stirs up the emotions. yes got the mess and have replied…pain was ok till later in the day yesterday and yeah SUCKS isn’t loud enough hun. i have seen that in myself as well, any excitement of the negative variety seems to up the suckness …whine away dear, i really do know and understand…today not starting out great but had worse…as we know…love you suzee-q
dear Kathy, lo and behold, the good Lord put us together for another reason! i have chronic pain too!!! my heart goes out to you! i can only offer this. somehow in out pain i draw closer to the Lord, it has been my experience anyway. it is in my most painful times i am calling out to Him drawing near and on my knees (figuratively as if i could get on my knees lol!! on those days) with this in mind in a sense pain is my best friend and is my closeness to God. not that i wish it on myself or anyone else or don't take my pain meds, or live a pain management life mind you. but it is my calling to the Lord, it is my knowing that He loves me and my calling to love on Him. just a thought, i am sure you must have had others more loftly and better focused than my simple minded one on how to deal with it, but somehow in embracing it i chase it away from my from consciouosness and make it my prayer. with hope and faith that this strengthens your walk through your own pain, and that it may soon lesson God willing. i am your prayer warrior....on this Easter Saturday i wish you well
you have said a mouthful there hun. never been closer to him than this past year...i'm ready to move on already. he's got me hehe.....stanisz..can't get there hun. to much pain, suicidal often its so bad, so can you send some of what you got please. not as of late to often but the faith has been tested beyond tested. my husband turned away for a period in the last year and is half way back..its just my struggle with this loving god that has allowed the physical torture for a year along with the other issues that have gone on....again my personal jousting if you will with jesus. i dream of the day i will be able to attend daily mass again....god willing.....i am no longer who i used to be and its a dark night of the soul for me.....but i cannot embrace my pain, just can't......but it sure does get you closer even if your fighting with him. much love hun...blesses easter to you
yes, Lathy, fighting and being angry with God is an answer in and of itself. i hear your tremendous pain and missing daily mass is a tremendous loss. do you pray the rosary daily or say the Jesus prayer, Lord Jesus Christ have Mercy on me? i found that little known prayer in the Catholic Church and although we are othodox now i was Catholic for many years and that prayer is our mainstay. Pray to the blessed mother saved me when my children were growing up and i still pray to her. she is constantly helping us all become healthy and well i do believe, look at her miracles! Last night i lite a candle for you at our liturgy and prayed for an answer to come to relieve you of this misery. you know suicide is not the way out, you just know it Kathy, i don't have to tell you that. if you cannot embrace the pain at least embrace the wonderful fruits it has given you. look at the compassion, the love, the caring, the understanding that God has put through you, surely you can see that.i was suffering and you gave me reason to come back to these boards and look again for help. some people help and then go away. answer and then don't answer back. you are there. because God has blessed you. may you find hope and today in the resurrected Lord and His blessed Mother standing faithful by his side believing in Him which is where i want to be when the time comes, and i want to see your shining face there too, Kathy.
about the suicide thing hun, not to worry, it was much worse in past months, my mom committed suicide last year and the one thing besides god himself that kept me from following suit was my children, i just could’nt…the pain has been so bad i have cried out to god asking why he was torturing me and if he wanted me dead to kill me already…no pain meds were working, it was hell on earth, for my family as well…these past few months the bad pain is not as constant or everyday and the meds work sometimes and we have surgery friday ugh sssoo. i was doing the divine mercy chaplet, hail marys, our fathers the works, i talk with jesus constantly during my days. oh and mercy honey, i have begged for mercy daily more than once on many days. i don’t say the rosary per se i watch it on ewtn with mother angelica, chaplet of st michael as well. my liffe with god and the catholic church is long and complicated. but my new journey with god started back in 88 got deeper in 05 and continued till last year and got deeper yet. for that i am grateful god knows but i still have struggles with the level of pain for so long. and then people like yourself just show up out of nowhere and grab my hand to further my journey in the god direction.
i am so touched that with all the burdens of your own you have to carry you have taken the time to minister to me and light a candle for me. i know everything you say is true my heart knows my flesh is battlings understand? i hope so, i don’t put things well sometimes…or understand for that matter heck i’m thinking michael is a dog…so i’m a bit wishy washy at times hun.
thank you so much your quite the inspiration,