I woke up this morning feeling so incredibly sad. I've only known this person since January and haven't had that much face time spent with her so how can I be hurting this much over losing her? I have NEVER let someone into my heart so quickly and intensely. Well, I guess that's the surprise "love" can bring. She got to me in ways no one else ever has but unfortunately it all happened at a terrible time for both of us. It started off under not so great circumstances and sadly I think that's what ultimately drove the nail in the coffin. We're both "recovering" from our own diseases and I do understand that it's for the best to let go for now but I can't get my heart to see eye to eye with my brain. She seems to be moving forward fine without me and as much as that hurts I am happy for her that she's not hurting. I'd never want that for her. It's just so hard because I find myself often times walking around in a "I miss her dearly" fog and my heart begins to ache. Sometimes I feel silly admitting my true feelings for her because it did happen so fast and that's simply not how I operate. Am I insane to feel the way I do? There was something different about "us" when we were together in person. It was crazy how much we were in each others heads. I took those things as a sign but maybe really all it was is coincidence? All I know for sure is that the first time my eyes locked onto hers I was smitten and I've yet to turn back. I'd give just about anything for those feelings to be reciprocated. I've messed up especially when I drink a lot. That's something I'm seriously addressing now. I NEVER want to hurt another person again! It hurts to know I"ve disappointed people close to me and caused them to no longer have faith in me. To hear anyone say that is EXTREMELY heavy on my heart. Now is the time to heal and move forward towards a positive light. Hopefully one day for those who have lost faith in me will once again believe in me the same way that I do believe in myself.
Hi Dlphs99, I think that what you are feeling is very real, sometimes we don't need a lot of time to have a very strong and meaningful connection with another person. I've had that with friends and relationships. Something just clicks and you are on the same page. Though, I also believe that in life people come into your life at a specific time for a specific reason, and at that time it may be unknown. They fulfill us and are there for a purpose, but it's for the same reason that they leave...for a purpose and a reason. I strongly believe in the saying "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.”
Take this time to focus on yourself, continue on this positive path and know that if you two are meant to come back together, you absolutely will. Please know that you are never alone, we are always here for you.
Thank you for lending a few good words. I'm having a really hard time with this today. You're right. If it's meant to be we'll float into each others lives again someday. Although one of us would have to reach out to the other b/c we're in two different states so we certainly won't ever randomly run into each other. I just miss her. We had a good talk Saturday afternoon and I was ok with what was said and I was ready to show her I can be cool and keep things at a certain pace for the time being but a few short hours later I guess I said something that rubbed her wrong and now she's hating me again. Unfortunately if it hadn't been that day it probably would have been Sunday or very soon after b/c she's just so frustrated/mad at me that if I sneezed wrong I was probably going to get dropped again. We haven't ever really had great communication and that's something that has always bothered me. She's quick to say the hell with you and move on without batting an eye and I'm more of the "ok what's wrong, let's talk it out and resolve this" type of person. That's been a concern of mine too I think. She's been done with me many times so easily and I'm the one fighting to get it back and that makes me wonder if she genuinely ever cared for me. When I'm with her I certainly feel adored and very much cared about but when we're sitting in front of each other I often think I'm no longer a thought for her. She has admitted that she becomes distant when a person isn't phsycially there with her. Maybe as she recovers that's something she'll get better with. I saw something so unique in her and I hate when she's gone. I really do. Last night when I was attempting to sleep I layed there and thought about what I miss the most about her the first thing that popped into my head was her laugh. I adore her laugh. Well, truth be told, I adore her period.
I am going to focus on myself and get my *** in gear to finally rid myself of this issue I've had. I'm looking forward to it b/c I don't want to live like this anymore. God forbid anything happened to me I'd hate to be known as the "that girl was such a drunken ***hole" especially since I know me as a sober person has one of the biggest hearts a person could have. Thankfully those who know me do know this as well and for that I am grateful.
hey d gf...yes whenbare actively drinking 2 very different people exist...excuse the language but i saw a baseball cap with "instant asshole, just add alcohol" written on it. that rings true for me. my problem for me is even sober there was a--h---ism to deal with. its been and continues to be an adventure.
Hi Dlphs99, how are you doing and feeling now? It really seems like she is possibly being protective of her feelings and maybe putting up a wall for now. Also, it could be a small case of out of sight, out of mind. It's so important for you to continue working on yourself, and I know that everything else will fall into place.
Instead of focusing on her, or on your loss, try focusing -- just for five minutes -- on the fact that you are able to love so deeply.
Not everyone can, and that is a gift. And that's a place to start.
I know what you feel about feeling really close to someone you've known for a short period of time. I am currently going through a rough time getting over someone I just met in October. I had no clue I was going to fall for him as hard as I did. Things go complicated and he is still in love with his ex but has recently stated that he doesn't want to loose me and loves me as well. I am trying to let him go. I have never followed me heart over my head before but I did with him. I need him because I love him..I don't love him because I need him. I just want him to be happy so I am backing off so he can be free if his ex wants him back (which may never happen). I know what you mean being remembered as the drunken asshole. I would probably get that. Stay strong and hope for the best..just don't wait around for it like I stupidly am.
Hi puppydoglvr,
I have my up and down moments. She's struggling with her own disease so I know the majority is based on both of us just not being ready for anything serious. We spoke a tad by email today and it was nice to be friendly and get a few things out there. I did ask her if she feels it didn't work b/c of bad timing or if I'm simply not the person she wants all these wonderful things from. She was honest and explained how we're both "sick" and putting 2 "sick" people together is a disaster waiting to happen and that made sense. She did say she isn't in her right mind at the moment so she isn't for which answer is how she feels. That stung a bit but I understand where she's coming from. She did say she'd like to explore one day if her feelings she has/had for me are genuine b/c when they were there they were very strong. We'll see I guess. Right now I know I need to focus on getting myself better and if we're meant to be we'll be. I know she cares about me. I don't question that. Does she actually love me like she has said before? Maybe to a certain degree but for now it's being left at that. She's doing really well so far with her recovery and I'm so proud of her for that. In the end regardless she's with me or someone else I just want her to be happy. I'm sure she'd say the same in return to me.
I had my first session tonight. Holy it was a lot to take in and tonight was a "short" night b/c the lady needed to leave early just tonight to pick up her kids. It's usually 6-9 pm but we didn't really get "started" til 630 and left at 8. Knowing we she had to leave early the lady really just went around and had the new people introduce themselves and say a little about ourselves. I've always hated doing that! I remember them making me do that in school and I couldn't stand it but I found it somewhat enjoyable this time. Perhaps b/c I felt safe?? In school you know all the kids look at you and compare things about you, wanna pick you apart for what you say or look like. Sitting with those people I knew I could say anything and I was welcome and not judged. I did get a bit of a chuckle out of the group b/c she asked me randomly "what kind of music to you like?" and much to my exctiment I shouted "OH I'M JUSTIN TIMBERLAKES BIGGEST FAN. I EVEN HAVE HIS PORTRAIT AS A TATTOO!!!" At first they chuckled like I was kidding but a guy asked and I said "nope I'm for real...come on don't act like you don't shimmy around when you here "I'm bringing sexyback". LOL that really got them giggling. So for a first day I can't complain. I go back Wednesday. As of now I'll go 3 days a week, Mon-Wed-Fri.
Hi Jassy,
Don't say what you're doing is stupid. I'm sorry to hear you're also going thru heart ache. Sounds like we're very similar at least in this particular discussion. I never fall in love easily nor do I trust easily. Most of my friends give trust til someone breaks it. OH NO!! Not me! I've always been the "earn it to receive it" kind of gal. This being b/c I grew up watching my dad cheat on my mom for years on end. There was something about this woman though I swear I took one look in her eyes the first time I met her face to face and there was simply no turning back. It's terrible timing though. We're both struggling with separate diseases but I know that I love her and what will be will be. If nothing else I met a wonderful person who showed me I can love again (after swearing I wouldn't when my 5 years rel ended). She'll make a great friend if nothing else. I get it though. The mind and heart fight harder with each other than Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee!! lol
Oh and thank you macunaima! Very true and after reading that I allowed myself to sit and enjoy a few minutes of being thankful to have loved another as deeply as I do.