How long does it take to know something is wrong is a narcis

How long does it take to know something is wrong is a narcissist relationship

1 Heart

every relationship is different...but I do know it's not long once you start feeling something is off and you just can't figure out what it is. That something is off part is you losing your sense of self. By the time you realize you need out and that you've been making excuses for his behaviour, it's already too late. He's got you so addicted to his unhealthiness that it takes all your might to get up and walk out. Don't mean to sound so negative, but that's it in a nutshell. Once you get out and you're really out is when you realize when you should have left and how many times you turned a blind eye. Never again!!!!

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@Satchmo78 is right. People misuse the term Narcissist a lot. I used to understand it as someone who is very selfish but it is so much more than that. I felt a deep sense of gloom and unhappiness but I couldn’t figure out why. I thought it was because people say that the first year of marriage is hard and that was what it was. I thought it might be the winter blues and just adjusting to each other. I left because of the addiction issues but once I left, I found this forum and understood gaslighting and what my relationship actually was. If my Narc’s drinking wasn’t that bad, I may have realized 10 years from now.

I was just wondering because narcicissists has been with my replacement for about 6 months and they get married tomorrow. I had an idea by 6 months that he was off. Like you said couldn't quite put my finger on it. But something not right nonetheless.

@Almostfree The replacement is probably still in la la land that things are great. This takes time because these issues initially come in waves and are not consistent. So, you think it is a one off fight or just an argument. There are people on this forum who have understood soon after meeting their Narc or it has taken years to understand this.

I am going to guess the reason he is still with her is she is probably his doormat. Narcissist hate it when you fight back. Or maybe he is on his best behavior because he has no other victim. Narcissist hate being alone so it is only a matter of time when he gets bored and starts cheating.

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@misskitten3 if I know the narcissist he is actively looking for an replacement for her.

Plus 6 months is way too little to know someone. She will soon realize what a big mistake she has made and if she has any self worth she will drop him like a hot potato.

@misskitten3 she’s already 3 months pregnant… Life is going to get tough.

Plus his new replacement has 2 teen kids. He works at jack in the box so he is going to have to flip a lot of burgers from now on.

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@misskitten3 love it. Lol

Just give it time because one thing I learned by researcher is narcissus are predictable they follow the same pattern of idealization ,devaluing ,discard.

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Are you asking how do you know if you are in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder her?

@1tomanytears yeah, how long will it take new target to realize that he is a narcissist (even if not by that term).

Do I love him? I love the person I married and u know he's not it. Do I want him back, oh heavens no.

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@Almostfree you are aware that the person you married never existed right. Discarded is when you are replaced by someone else.

My case forty years to find out she was a narcissist. After forty years, I started seriously distancing myself form the narc. She was in therapy, but I noticed she wasn't improving, our relationship wasn't improving, but getting worse and worse, she was getting more and more aggressive in a bad way. Our shared narratives were being altered and changed. There came a time when giving her narc supply would have been reasonable on my part, but I withheld it, to see what would happen. I was curious, what would happen if I treated her the way she treated me when I needed her. All hell broke loose, the gates of hell swung open and the devil crawled out.

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@DownButNotOut2 the worst thing you can do is treat a narcissist the same way they treat you because they will turn and betray you and even discard you for someone else and rub it on your face. Giving a narcissist same treatment is like poking a Sleeping Bear with your bare finger.

Yes, looking back...there were tell tale signs within weeks but I justified them and felt guilty for thinking bad things about him. Or poor him he's upset , he's had a bad day, rough life.....on and on.
Not until years later did I realize how much it increases to be an everyday, several times a day....and it feels "normal" I guess. It wasn't till after our first child I realized how one sided the relationship was....but never suspected( or was in denial) or allowed time to think about it being emotional abuse let alone narassistic abuse. ....until fast forward 8 yrs of marriage!

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@comingoutofthedark very similar story to mine. I knew for sure 6 years in. Took 5 more years to get away.