How long until I live through a not terrible day?
Time does not heal all wounds, but the days do soften the blow day after day. Hugs!
1 Heart
I'm not heart broken; I'm more sickened by how sorry his actions are.
Hugs. I wish I had the words or solution to make things better. At least he's expressing he's sorry. My STBX thinks he's done nothing wrong after 2 affairs that he'll never admit to even though I have proof.
@HealingInVA oh no, he is not contrite; he’s actions are “despicable.”
My divorce was 7 years ago. I can honestly say it is a long time before you see the light at the end of the tunnel. But my life has been so much richer since, and it was the best thing that happened to me. I learned so much about myself afterward and the journey has been amazing. I still see my ex all the time as we co-parent, and it is hard. But our kids are the focus and we are careful to keep them first and foremost, meaning we are careful what we say or how we treat each other because we don't want to negatively affect them. One day your life will be richer because of the growth you endured during this time. Make sure you set the bar high for the next guy!
2 Hearts
My divorce was a year and a half ago. I have more good days then bad... But I still have a lot of bad days.
1 Heart
This doesn't give me hope. Do you have kids? How do you get the pain to go away? I don't miss him at all but I want my life to be more stable. I feel like it's so chaotic right now.
@HealingInVA I have 3 kids. The pain just seems to be less and less
It's so hard seeing him all the time and being away from my boys. When we separated and he had them for the first visitation weekend it was the first time if ever been apart from my boys since they were born. I don't like them going to his place because I know he doesn't interact with them. He just ignores the boys and uses them against me as his way of manipulating and winning. They say daddy doesn't play with them and they sit in front of video games the whole weekend.
The whole divorce process stinks. I never imagined it would be this hard. Yet for him it's a piece of cake and he has no remorse for what he's done to me or the boys.
1 Heart
@HealingInVA the worst times for me were when my kids are at their dads. I went on a couple different dating websites and lines up dates for when my kids were gone. So far… The dates didn’t go well and I haven’t met anyone I was interested in. However, it have me something to look forward to and company when they were away. The dating and a little promescuity made me feel worse at times. Now I started running and hiking more. That has helped a lot. I’m planning my first solo backpacking trip. I’m a little nervous but I feel so powerful doing something completely by myself.
I have been divorced for 20 years. The pain sometimes surfaces due to different triggers. At a year and a half I was losing hair and weight but I am much more stable now that I was in the first 5 years. There is hope to get through it and I am sure you will find an anchor!
Why is it that the man just moves on with another chick and never looks back whereas the wife is left feeling the pain?
@HealingInVA
I’m not sure if that’s always true. My ex hasn’t dated yet and I have dated a bunch. My dating is my vice… It’s how I cope. It’s not always healthy. He might not have moved on as much as you think
Ouch! He sounds like a piece of work. 27... She isn't a very good person either. You will feel better when he ages a bit and she leaves him.
I agree. He should at least be honest about it. I live in a no fault state. That means everything is split 50/50 regardless of adultery or whatever. Some states take into consideration the reason for the divorce. Maybe that's why he is lying.
I get the lonely thing.
I hate nights like this.
Kids are all tucked in. The house is quiet. I really feel like being social but all my friends are doing their own thing.
Yeah, in VA it's still considered a misdemeanor crime. But if you're caught, you're caught. His lying about yet another affair is so hurtful that I don't see how he can look me in the eye and have a conversation. I'd feel guilty and embarrassed but he feels entitled and throws around threats at me about being able to take things from me. But he's the one who did wrong!
I don't like feeling disconnected from the world. I feel like my life was always about my husband and kids and now I need to find myself. But that's hard when there's no free time cause I'm raising my kids. Yet he has no responsibilities except every other weekend, which is just about throwing he kids in front of video games.
I am such a nurturing and caring person that I deserve a decent man to share my life with. I want man who is committed to family unlike my STBX. He's having a midlife crisis and said he doesn't want this life or the kids.
I just wish I had someone to hug and tell me it's gonna be okay and this too shall pass. I've always been a strong and independent woman and this divorce process has rocked me to the core. I feel so out of control and lonely.
@HealingInVA
I completely understand!! I feel the same way. I felt like I always had my life together and my life was about my husband for so long.
It will be okay. It has to be. To many people have gotten through this before us.
Sending you a hug right now
@J1979 thank you. We will make it through. It is like a loss but having to the person over and over again is what makes it hard. When there’s a death in the family you don’t see love ones again but cherish the happy memories. The death of my marriage occurred hut I have to see my STBX which extends the mourning and is a constant reminder. Whereas you don’t see loved ones ever again and in a way aren’t reminded of their death or absence constantly.