How to get over a divorce real fast? :(

How to get over a divorce real fast? :(

If you find a way, you could sell it here and become very wealthy. I'll take 2 please!

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Fast? If you were in love fast is not possible

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Its hard to get over it. Specially when i have to see him because of the kids. It hurts see him happy in a relationship. (with the girl he had an affair with last year). :(

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@nena7 … When you find it in yourself to stop doubting your worth, place the blame where it belongs on him, and realize it is his selfish action that has nothing to do with what you lack, girl you are going to have so much confidence at that point and you will date. Men and women alike are drawn to confident, nice people more than flawless looks. Well at least the kind of person you want to have anything to do with. Get to loving and accepting yourself and you will see who comes up smelling roses in this scenario. It hurt me immensely to know my husband saw the woman he had an affair with every day at work. And if only it was just her. But I had to make his actions his and his alone. I was confident that I was an amazing wife and mother to our children. Now he knows how much greener the grass was on my side of the fence. You have to believe it to ever see that end of it. Work on yourself and other relationships with the people in your life who maybe you didn’t have that much time for in the past. Do everything you can to enrich your life to make it the kind of life you don’t need rescuing from. Hang in there hon. It gets better.

I think for you, you can't compare yourself or your marriage to her and them. Go out on dates too!!

That sounds easy. Sometimes i feel that my confidence is gone. Sometimes i feel my self steem is so low. Sometimes i feel ugly that no one will date me. :(

@nena7 oh no no no. Even hiding behind those glasses I see you. Its the betrayal, disbelief and lack of control over his actions talking. Frustration and being let down, trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense, that leads to self deprecating thoughts because its easier to blame ourselves since they wont buck up and show good character, but no. Shut that voice down by replacing it with positive words about yourself. You are beautiful, you are smart, you will not be disrespected and you will be loved. Keep saying it until you believe it because you’ve heard it so many times. You’re going to be better than ok.

Fast is false. Took me over 5 years to truly heal with some pretty rotten circumstances presented along the way. My example might be extreme but there is no formula. Divorce is a death of a dream, so we grieve that death, inside our heart and mind. That's not easy to get over. Everyone grieves their divorce in their own way and their own timeline. At some point you dream a new dream and fall in love again with yourself. Sounds weird, but not really. Its just a way of shifting the focus solely from your love for this other person and all the energy spent in despair dwelling on the loss, and shifting all of that loving energy to yourself with plenty left for others; its anything but a selfish kind of love. I'm not talking vanity, its healthy self-love without being selfish. Right now it seems like a bunch of BS but someday the misery is what becomes the BS. You may never stop feeling something for this person you loved for so long but you realize you can love yourself and new things and people too without it keeping you a prisoner of grief anymore.

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@hsphss I really like that. Awesome insight. You looked deep for that answer :slight_smile:

Not true. I'm slowly realizing that at some point we kick our own selves in the butt and move ourselves forward.

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It is likely that in the beginning no one will compare to your STBX and you will feel let down 24/7 and grow te resent your new relationship because they are not the person you love. It's sad the holidays are coming and it's even sadder. There is no way to speed this process.

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@Sgerard Or if you really give the new person a chance, he/she might be so much better than your ex, who lied and cheated and betrayed you. Who isn’t better than THAT?!

if only !!!!

There is really no instant / quick recipe. You need to work through your greaving & healing process in order to come out whole. I can recomend you to look for the nearest Divorce Care support near you.

One of the best ways to help with the recovery process is to start connecting with others. Research shows that having a strong social connections leads to a happier and more fulfilled life. So how do you connect with others quickly? Consider volunteering. There are thousands of organizations that would love to have you help them. This will do a number of things for you...
1. You will be connected to people who value, respect and appreciate you. This will build your confidence and self esteem
2. You will be part of something bigger and making an impact on the world. When we belong to a cause that we believe in we feel more fulfilled.
3. You will get some perspective on your situation. Helping someone who is much less fortunate gives you a different view on your life and makes you appreciate what you have.
4. You will make friends with other volunteers who share the same interest as you. This will make you feel more connected.

Go check out some online volunteering matching sites. They will match you with an organization that fits your interests. Most are extremely flexible and will accommodate you no mater how much time you can spend.

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I'm just starting the process, and it's incredibly painful, as I'm sure everyone on here will a test. But I agree that having a strong social network makes a huge difference. You would be surprised at the people who genuinely want to help.

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Don't get over it fast. Take time, and let yourself heal. Use the time to remember that you have value all by yourself. Find ways to improve yourself so that you don't fall into the "I'm not good alone" trap.
When you no longer think about your ex every day, decide whether or not you want to date. If you do, open your mind to new possibilities. Take things slow. Have a couple of practice dates with friends of the opposite sex.
And then, when you least expect it, you will realize that your divorce no longer defines you.

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