I hate that I have to lie to some friends when i say "I'm okay" when in fact I'm not. I have one friend i have told and talked about my panic attacks, but how can he understand my anxiety attacks and my fears. He tries but i don't like talking it too much with him. I think back before my first panic attack and how easy it was for me. How i was in a clear path to what i really wanted to do in life...which is photography. I found new friends that shared my passion for photography and i was always busy with a project then it was like hitting a brick wall and knocking me down and just found it hard getting up. I guess things happen for a reason...well at least that's what i tell my self.
I'm with you on this one..I am constantly telling people that I'm alright even though I am not on the inside. It's a fear that they will reject me or get intolerant of me with the issues I suffer with. It's happened before, and I don't want it to happen again. I'd rather lie than be rejected.
These mental disorders are downright debilitating at times, and we have to remember that it's not 'real' and it's our brain misunderstanding certain things. Medicine can help rewire things to an extent, if you're in a bind with the panic attacks right now.