I have been with my b/f for a year now. He can be such a wonderfully caring, loving, generous person, it amazes me. Then there is another side to him that is mean, not physically mind you, and not derogatory, just the way he can say things hurts. I am not innocent and have not always been nice.
The major problem? He lies about his ex fiance. It is the basis of most of our fights. She will text or call and he will lie about who it is. They talk once a week or more. I have explained to him several times that I do not mind if they are friends, I just don't like being left in the dark about it. We had a long talk one day about it and I thought he understood, but it didn't change. He says he doesn't want her back, that she is a bi*&* etc etc. That the only reason they talk is when it is something to do with her kids (NOT his kids) but her kids are adults, so I feel that is also a lie. I think he still loves her and just will not admit it. She married another man less than a year after she split with my b/f. Am I being petty and stupid?
He has hinted several times about marriage, which I WILL NOT commit to until I know I can trust him, I am almost to the point of ending the relationship because it hurts so bad when he lies to me. There are a few other issues, but I don't want to make this too long. This whole thing makes me sound like a teenager, which I am far from, but I guess our hearts never really mature like our minds and bodies do.
Nothing wrong to feel like a teenager. We all need stability in our lives, but certain people do not realize that. It is not good for him to be in touch with a married woman. She should consult with her current husband about children or etc. He needs to mind his own business and put his own life together. Give yourself a little more time and see what happens. Have faith and ask God to guide you. Wishing you a positive result and God bless you.
I have been on both sides of that fence. I meet a woman and we became very close to one another. Some guys she knew before me would call from time to time and that did not bother me. Once a guy who had not seen her in a while stopped by to say hello. He was suprised, on edge and apologetic to say the least. I just told him that she had not come home from work yet and even told him when I was expecting her in. I didn't say who I was and didn't really need to. He was probably thinking I was just a good friend of hers and I was and much more. I never felt the need to dominate her or control her every actions. I left it up to her to handle her business in here own way with respect for our relationship. I felt that if I had to control her that she would not come to me freely when it mattered the most. If I could lose her to someone else then she was never mines. I treated her special and with respect and I would let her know how much I cared for her.
Now I too had a good friend which happened to be my ex. We had been friends for a long time and just continued to speak every now and then. We never spoke about my then relationship or our past relationship ever. My ex and I mutually agreed the we didn't see us going forward in our relationship but wanted to salvage our friendship.
Everything was going well for me at that time then I woman I had grown to care so much for became insecure. She even got upset because I did little to drive the men of past away. She became jealous of my ex although I never spoke about her or to her in her presents.
Well she drove me away right into the arms of my ex which I would later marry. To this day if I seen her it would drive her crazy to know that we could speak to one another. And I would not entertain any conversation about our past relationship or my present other than to say we have moved on.
Kaz,
Thank you so much for your input. I have never been an insecure person, but with him I am and I hate it. I find myself disliking his ex, even though I have never met her. I am ashamed to admit that I have peeked in his phone and read texts from her (several months ago) that I know she is unhappy in her marriage and very obviously wants my b/f back. I just feel alot of what she involves him in is no longer his place. Her adult kids have a father and now a stepfather. I just feel left out of the loop and do not like it. It would be different if he would just tell me when they talked and what about instead of me finding out later. I've tried several times to tell him this, to no avail.