How to react

My wife of 11 yrs always had a drinking problem. at first the problem was when she drank occasionally she would get blackout drunk, but it was a couple times a year. In the past two yrs the dirinking has gotten really bad. She has been going to AA for a couple weeks and has drank a couple times since then. Before AA she would get black out drunk almost every weekend and drink to almost drunk at least two times during the week. In the past two years my wife has cheated on me on two occasions, that I know of, and has struck me on a couple others while I was holding our 5 yr old, always while drunk. My problem is I don't know how I'm supposed to react when she slips up and drinks. I want to help her quit drinking and I want to be supportive. Should I react mad, understanding, supportive? I also don't want to be understanding and be an enabler. Please help. Thank you.

I think your wife needs help, I would suggest she see a counselor to talk about herself and how she is feeling. Not couples therapy but someone for her to talk with privately. I don't know your situation so I can't try to understand what stress your or she may be dealing with, perhaps she has depression or a stressful job, whatever the case something is making her drink to possible calm down or let loose- it is only a guess as I do the same thing. Please let me know if this helps. Best of luck to you both.

Hi t114930, I agree with inmyhead that maybe counseling along with going to AA would help your wife but she also has to be willing to help herself also. You may also suggest she check out some online recovery groups for those times when she can't get to a meeting. For you, maybe check out Alanon - http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ . Alanon is a group for loved ones of alcoholics to receive help, support and understanding from others who have been where you are at. Keep coming and sharing with us here. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

t114930 - You must be very frustrated, angry, and sad. No one can really tell you how to react. Basically the situation sucks, but it really might help for you to try Alanon. It really helps to connect with people who are in similar situations. I hope your wife gets sober, but that is her journey.

Hi t114930,

When my drinking became out of control, my husband didn't know what to do or how to react. It's very hard on our loved ones when we are in the grip of a killer disease as we affect them so badly.

My husband found contacting Al-Anon helped him enormously. He could speak with other people who had been exactly where he was with me. Al-Anon also gave him the tools to deal with me and to detach with love from me.

AA has been the best place for me to go, and for my family. I do hope that your wife will continue to attend regular meetings. They have saved my life.

(((Hugs)))

Grace

Hi,

Please check out 'The Sinclair Method'. Your wife sounds EXACTLY like I was about 5 months ago. I craved alcohol and from once I started there was no stopping me, and yes I started by getting blotto a few times a year but it gets worse and worse. The Sinclair Method is a completly different way of curing alcoholism that mainstream doctors are not fully aware of. It involves the use of a harmless drug called naltrexone while still drinking. In the space of 4-10 months drinking gradually decreases to within safe limits. Does this sound too goo to be true, Yes it does and it did to me too but It works simple as that. Im not fully there yet but I havent been drunk once in the 18 weeks Ive been following this method.

If only for your own information please check out the www.thesinclairmethodforum.ie There are hundreds of us there giving each other help and support. There too you will hear and get help from oltimers who have been on TSM for 2 or 3 years with excellent results.

Im there under Mario as well if you want to check out my progress or want any further help.

all the best

Mario

Help her NOW....I had a husband who did nothing about my drinking and I regret it. However it took my new BF to put a stop to it before I killed my children, myself, or someone else. Plus my BF had NO tolerance or room for a future drunk in his life....she will self destruct if you don't help her...

That's a hard one. I was married for 23 years and in the last two years my drinking go progressively worse. My ex for many years was an enabler but two years before we split and prior to that he on many occasions tried to talk to me and tell he was worried but I wasn't ready to hear it and often denied it and got angry at him. There did come a point when he just pushed away from me. I did not want his help and didn't think it was a problem. It took many bad experiences including a DUI to realize that I a had a problem. Today I know I just can't even have a sip. There are many days I struggle with it. II've learned to accept my problem and learned to ask for help, For your situation and from experience tell your wife she has a problem, your worried about her and that you will help her get all the counseling and resources she needs but if she doesn't want to do anything about this problem then you can't stand by and watch her self-destruct but the day she wants to sober up and needs your support you will be there for her. Good luck and god bless.

I have my doubts about this "pill", but if someone refuses to go to treatment or AA, it might be better than drinking oneself to death. I strongly object to the 5% AA success rate, because it does not separate the people who actually work the program, as compared to the one's who just show up to get out of their DUI, or wife off there back.

As to how to react to your wife, were human, you will not always react the "right way". Al-Anon is a very good idea

The only experience I can share is that I went to ALANON reluctently, and it saved me from my Husbands/addiciton/alcohol. Thank Goodness. By takeing care of me; he could see HIMSELF> I stopped picking up the pieces, taking care of the family, keeping it all a sercret, monoriting his drinking, smelling his breath, I can go on an on and on. No, I did not want to be an ENABLER and I was. I also became ANGRY at his disease....it was not HIM who acted so horrible to me and others. Good luck, Peace be with you. ESPECIALLY, now during this lull holiday time. It is always the worst time for those drinking/using.