After a conversation with my mother...I realised living with someone who has depression is not an easy game on you the sufferer or on them....
If you know someone or think someone may be suffering from depression...
For people affected by depression, discussing their condition with family and friends, and asking them for their help, can be very daunting. They may feel too scared, ashamed or overwhelmed to admit how they are feeling. Tackling depression may seem an impossible challenge. This is when the encouragement and support of a friend is vital to help them feel less isolated and more motivated to actively work on overcoming depression.
By being a supportive friend, you can encourage someone affected by depression to seek help, receive a correct diagnosis and agree on a treatment with their doctor. But how do you approach this subject with them? You may feel that you need some advice to take the first step. Here are some top tips to start the communication:
Some of the symptoms of depression (low mood, irritability and fatigue) can make it difficult for someone affected by depression to maintain friendships. Often someone affected by depression may withdraw from social contacts and may not actively seek to address their problem with their friends. And as mental health conditions are still often associated with a stigma in society, both parties may feel uncomfortable addressing the issue. This is why you as a friend may have to take the first step.
If you suspect your friend may be affected by depression, then you should seek positive ways to show your support and reassure them that you will take them seriously and that you will be there for them to lean on. You could do this by saying:
- You are important to me
- You're not alone in this and I'm here for you
- You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed, this isn't your fault
- I can't really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion and be a friend to you
- I'm going to be there for you to lean on. I'm not going to leave you or abandon you
- When all this is over, I'll still be here for you
- I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I am going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me. You're not alone and neither am I
- I love you (if you mean it)
Also consider offering them a hug if you feel comfortable with this.
Try to avoid saying negative things such as:
- Pull yourself together.
- No one ever said that life was easy.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get a grip.
- So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?
- There's always someone worse off than you are.
- Just try not to be so depressed.
- It's your own fault.
- Believe me, I know how you feel. I feel depressed sometimes too.
Once you have approached the subject with your friend, encourage them to visit their doctor.
Some lifestyle changes can help people cope with depression. You can help by encouraging your friend to:
- Go outside for some fresh air and sunlight every day – why not invite them for a walk?
- Take regular moderate exercise – you can suggest you do the exercise together.
- Avoid being self-critical** – you can help by recognising their accomplishments, however small, and making positive comments whenever possible, e.g. remind them that last week they had three good days and the week before they had two – they're getting better all the time. (I cannot reinforce this one enough)
- Eat a healthy, balanced diet – suggest cooking together or invite your friend over for a meal.
You can also help them by:
- Staying in touch on the phone and/or by e-mail.
- Avoiding activities where too much alcohol is consumed as drinking can make symptoms worse.
- Making time for activities that you can enjoy together.
Generally, you should motivate your friend to learn about depression and depression treatments. This will encourage them to follow their course of treatment as instructed by their doctor and seek help if something doesn't work for them. They will also see that recovery is possible. You may find it useful to learn about depression together as your friend's concentration and memory might be affected. Audio books are a great way to absorb information if your friend finds it difficult to concentrate on written information.
Extract http://www.leanonme.net/ie/about-depression/what-can-you-do-to-help
And to you who care and support us, we thank you. Even though some days we pull away and it may seem like we have lost hope, we need you to be strong for us...and love us more.
We are truly grateful, please never forget that.
Love to you carers and supports
Moongal x