I just read this and it made me sad. I know that the goal of recovery involves acceptance of possibly being gay.... But to think that we can never really achieve certainty, really sucks to put it bluntly. But we can never have certainty with anything in our lives anyways... But having to accept that i may be gay, and having to accept the uncertainty of that, is different than in understanding that there isn't certainty in any aspect of life. I'm reading a book right now and a lesbian relationship has formed... I'm going to continue reading the book, but I keep trying to make parallels between myself and the more prominent lesbian character in the book. How am I supposed to ever fully enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend if I continue to have doubts about us and my feelings indefinitely! It doesn't seem fair to live a life plagued by this.... But a lot of things in life are unfair... And who isn't troubled by one thing or another... Sorry, I'm rambling
@Bria869 you are an inspiration!You have had a relationship, and suffer with OCD, I’ve not been able to do that!It doesn’t seem fair, and who asks for a mental health issue, but these are the cards you’ve been dealt!You have know choice but to work with them, but you do have a choice in how you let it affect you. My therapist is encouraging me to go toward life, to recondition myself to respond differently to all this. Our need for certainty puts us in this position, but we have OCD, we were made this way, but we also have lots of positive gifts too. You may never know if you’re truly a lesbian or love your boyfriend enough to justify being with him, but you chose to be with him.To love him despite the lack of certainty!Recovery is learning to go toward life regardless, and moving away from our obsession and the illusion of control we think we have by doing compulsions!