Hurt After Seeing A Doctor

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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Hello friends,

Today I went to the doctor( not my regular one but an endicrinologist) because I was feeling like symptoms of low blood sugar: dizzy, lightheaded, fatigued, shaky, confused, etc. Also , I went to check for thyroid disease because my wieght has been flunctuating so greatly in the past 2 months of refeeding after a relapse of anorexia.

So, I went there and she took an EKG and blood samples. I told her of my recent relapse and the weight gain/ flunctuation problems after recovering from ED. So, she decided go ahead and check my thyroid. I guess she checked the blood sugar levels, but I'm not sure if she did or not. She did not mention that aspect of the testing. I don't know, but to me she seemed like she had changed as a doctor. When I first met her she was so very nice, now she had become a tad snotty. She just wasnt as compassionate as my other doctor is and was a tad dismissive in a sense. I was surprized. I thought she was so sweet. I guess her successful practice has changed her.

It makes me kind of glad I changed doctors from her to the one I see now who is always caring and nice. I really don't know if she checked the blood sugar, I mean, she sent some blood to be tested. I'm hoping they will check the blood sugar levels as diabetis does run rampid in my family. This all could be a direct result from ED though as EDs do mess with your insulin levels.

At the end of the visit, she said something that kind of hurt me. I asked her when the weight gain / flunctuation from the refeeding process would heal itself and her response was 'from looking at you--it is going to take a long time--about 6 months or so.'

And to me, that was just another way of saying I was chubby, I mean, I know I have gained quite a bit of extra weight, but I beleive she could have said that a tad nicer without mentioning the way I look.

That just totally made me feel so sad as I was having a nice day and happy I am doing so well going to my doctor appointments to get better.

I feel so fat right now, like huge--like a blimp. I'm so sad.

But I'm not going to let this get me down, I'm sticking to a good meal plan and even checking into dieticians to help with my meal plan( if i have the money) . It is hard for me to eat enough food with no hunger signals BUT I am doing it! I want to heal! I want this to happen! I want my metabolism to function once again. I want this to work--I'm not giving up( even though her comment to me was really hurtful.)

I just can't wait for my weight to even out. Im so afraid someone will make fun of me at this chubbier weight( hell, the doctor kinda did in a small way). And I see my other doctor tomorrow, I hope he wont be as 'snotty' as this one was today.

I'm not giving up though! I so want to get better! And I have been doing great on my MP( even though my weight is flunctuating still.)

I so hope I will heal--I'm scared my body wont heal itself !

love ya'll

Maureen

2

i am so scared if being made fun of at this weight, i feel like hiding.....

3

Hey she might not have ment it that way. She might have ment that it is going to take your body another 6 months to adjust to getting nutrition that it wasnt previously used to getting. Hey if you had to be refeed you cant be fat…that is the ED talking. Maybe she just had a bad day. I know when it comes to my weight or size I tend to be very sensetive and I tend to take things the wrong way. So I actually tell people to not to say anything…b/c no matter what they say I can twist it around. Hang in there and keep doing what you need to do for yourself!

4

I am appalled that a licensed medical practitioner that is aware of your ED would say something so insensitive! You are right to stay strong and not let her rude remark get to you. You are a very strong person, but no one deserves to have their sensitives spots poked. That makes me so angry that she would say something like that!

Keep up the good work with your recovery and good luck with your doctor appointments.

5

im so hurt by this, i feel so fat. im living a nightmare now.... i cant beleive someone i thought was so nice, to me --who knew i am struggling with anorexia, would say something wierd like that. im so sad... i feel like hiding...i am so ashamed of myself

love
maureen

6

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Do not let her make you feel bad. Her unwanted words do not change who you are or the amount of effort you have already put into your recovery. They do not change how caring and nurturing you are and they did not make your weight change. The only thing her unkind comment did was show how rude, unthoughtful, uncaring, insensitive and just plain mean that doctor is. I'm sure she was probably really busy and had a lot on her mind, but that is no excuse for treating a patient like that.

Try not to focus on her words. Think about how far you've come and all the great things that will come with recovery! Yes, your weight will fluctuate as your body heals itself, but that just shows that you are getting better and that your body is working. You are beautiful and there is no reason for you to hide. That doctor should feel ashamed, not you!

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but people will make fun of me at this weight. im just too puffy... they will think bad of me, like im a faliure or soemthing...

and how do i know my body will heal from this??? ill probably end up obese...i bet anything

love
maureen

8

I totally understand what you are saying about the gain weight piece. I told them that just watch next thing I will be back for gastric bypass surgery. But then I realize that the ED is telling me these things. I am at the same place it is hard but we must do what is healthy for us and from what everyone tells me it will all even out. I have to keep telling myself that otherwise I back slide…which only hurts me! So stay strong! One thing someone said to me once…actually made me laugh after I thought about it…but I thought people would watch me if I was eating in a resteraunt and make comments about my size and what I was eating…and my friend said…what makes you think you are so special that everyone is looking at you…she was right…people were paying attention to what ever they were doing not me. IDK just a thought. I am sorry though that your dr was so unsensative! A lot of people I work with come up and will ask me how much I weigh? WTF??(I cant go back to work full time till I get my weight back up) but would I ever go up to someone and ask them that…people dont think and they dont understand. Maybe if you see that dr again you can educate him/her and let them know that it bothered you…you might feel better. I know I used to never say anything to anybody if they would make a comment to me…now I tell them exactly how I feel about it. I actually feel better and they are starting to understand more… Hope you are having a better day! HUGS!

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Your body will adjust Maureen, and even if it doesnt get to where you want it to be, you are STILL BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Being skinny does not make you beautiful. You are a beautiful woman no matter what weight you are at. You are compassionate, you care about others, you are smart, motivated, determined, strong, and so incredible. don't let what YOU see in the mirror make you feel like you are not a worthy person!!!
It is easier said than done - I know that believe me. Doctors don't understand - in fact most people don't understand - how comments like that can be so hurtful. And also know that you probably interpreted in a certain way - I hope that no doctor would ever say something to purposely hurt you.
You ARE beautiful!!!!! And keep telling yourself that until you believe it.
<3 CC

10

thanks CC---it is just ---here i eat so healthy and wind up being chubby. it isnt fair. and people are cruel, i know ill be made fun of , it is just the law of the jungle. i cant be hurt again.. i dont care what others think but i care about getting hurt.

beautiful, well, see---people more go by a persons body to be considered beautiful and mine is all jacked up now---the way it looks.... so , that puts me in the 'undesirable, inattractive' realm.

but thanks ...

as far as what that doctor said, i dont know id she meant to hurt me, but she was kind of implying i was heavy. now, if she hadnt mentioned ' how i look' before hand, i would care if she would have said it takes a long time...to heal... i know that---it is that she said" from what you look like now, it will take a long time....she made a comment on how i look, and it wasnt a good one, so i mean, i dont know how to feel but beyond sad...

but thanks CC your words help,

i just dont know if i will heal from this and hell, i cant even figure out how to eat right, as hard as i try...sigh...im trying, i just dont know HOW to eat.

thanks, hon

love ya much
maureen

11

What would make you happier: keeping your weight low or kicking ED's butt? Who do you think will make fun of you? Did you think people would make fun of you before you saw the doctor? The human body is an amazingly resilient thing. You are still young and it will heal. You just have to trust your body and give it the love and nutrients it needs to fix itself.

12

OK i want to kick EDs butt–but i still fear getting made fun of, so i really dont know what to think. and i have abused myself for so many years now, how can i not think i did serious damamge? how cani beleive i will heal? i dont want to get my hopes up to have them all fall down…

no, i wasnt thinking of being made fun of before the doctor, well, yes maybe a little bit.

still sticking to my MP, but dang it i cant wait for my weight to even out…

ughh

thanks so much for your help , you are great!

love
maureen

13

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I also have had issues with my blood sugar, and was recommended to go to an endocrinologist but have not done so yet. My blood sugar drops a lot, sometimes even after eating...and it get the dizziness, shaking, etc. I also am a survivor of anorexia and bulimia, so I see that perhaps there can be a tie to that. I hope things get better for you!

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thanks so much!

love
maureen

15

awww maureen how rude can a doctor get

please dont let this doctor ruin your recovery path. u are gorgeous just the way you are. dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

16

ughhhh i hate doctors sometimes! she was soo nice to me , and now she is nasty??? i dont get it? who would say something like that to a surivior of ED/anorexia--in particular, i mean , they must know one little thing can set them off...especially on their weight.

thanks lizzie...

now lucklily i changed doctors from her to my other doctor who is sooo nice. but now i am so worried tomorrow hell make fun of my weight or comment like this one...im sooo scared...to go tomorrow...

love
maureen

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do you know what is weird, friends? i dont even know if she took my blood sugar, which is why i went there????

love
maureen

18

maureen

just remember that we love you here. i know when my friends talk about their weight its a trigger to me. so i can see where u are coming from. i agree that doctors should know that something like that can def trigger a relapse.

but remember that ur health is important. ur health comes first. no body can tell you what to do. just focus on your recovery

19

thanks so much lizzie

love and hugz
maureen

20

i feel soo sad...and hopeless...

and im afraid to go to my other doctor tomorrow cause he might thing im fat, too.... how do i knwo he wont end up acting like this one today????

love
maureen