Hurt and mad....my husband cheats on the internet even before we married.
Now I found out he has been seeing and in constnt contact with his ex wife.
1 Heart
I'm sorry to hear that. I found out pretty much the same thing about 4 months ago. It felt and still does feel like I married a stranger and every day is a challenge. Are you guys going to try and make it work? If so, he needs to have zero contact with the other people and give you 100% access to all of his stuff, social media, email etc.
2 Hearts
We tried that before, and he does it from a work computer that I have no access to and work phones....Pretty much if he wants to find a way he will...no matter what...He has done it with other woman , and it was the cause of the breakup of his 1st marraige....I DO love him, but I don t know....
Top it off ,I have started talking with his ex....which he doesn 't like...they hadn t gotten physical yet , but he kept trying.....to him it is not cheating if it wasn't physical.....
Yet on the internet , during conversations it alwats turns sexual.
He has lots of issues and sees a thearapist...but nothing helps.
1 Heart
Oh Tango, this is so difficult. I am so sorry. I know how devastating this can feel. He might need a little reality check. I had to leave my husband to get him to know I meant business. Even then it took some time to get in sync. We are doing better but it was hell for both of us. Please post as often as you like. I hope you find a refuge here. There are many kind people experiencing similar things on here. Take one day at a time. Hope the counseling helps him. Maybe you need someone to talk to also. Your feelings are raw right now and it translates into anger usually. Try not to react like that as it will not help anything. Your feelings are very legitimate but acting out will be detrimental. You are important. Sending you strength, hope, ((hugs)). God's peace.
1 Heart
I found out the same thing. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I spoke to the lying ex. She walks away like nothing happened, no big deal. And my husband says enough, time you get over it and move on.
@tbpixiedust What is that about men saying " GET OVER IT " !! They are lucky enough that we are still around. Moving on does not mean forgetting but to accept what happened and continue living your life. And this is hard to do … I mean… REALLY
I know how you feel my husband did the same, I cannot even begin to wrap my head around it. Feel free to talk to me anytime. Cheating is one thing, but the ex?
Thank you for your support. I ve talked with the ex for numerous hrs, and found out I now walk in her shoes.....He has tons of issues .
He hid his true self till after marriage with us both , and than the physical violence started...
The last 2 yrs have been hell.....I believe in marriage and the vows I took , but I don't know how this marriage can survive.
I asked him to move out and he did, but he uses seeing our daughter or the dogs as an excuse to come back.
At 1st all he did as usual, was shift blame , and he did no wrong.....then it was he knows he was doing wrong, but still kept doing it..and can t explain why....
He says he was afraid to tell me the truth , he made a mistake...I told him once was a mistake, not doing it over and over....
He has this preversion with sex.....has done so many out of bound things even with strangers....He OGLES woman in public, not a look like guys do , which is normal...but he stares and has turned and followed these woman to get 2nd and 3rd looks....then say 'what honey ".....
He is now trying to see some one to see if he is possibly bi polar.
@Tango28 My husband is bipolar but to me its not an excuse to make poor decisions. Some men have weak egos and low self esteem and as strong women, we tend to look down on them when they do wrong, look up emasculating men. For that I am guilty. I didnt understand how or why I do that. But a confident man will be emasculated no matter how his woman treats him. I ask my husband to separate for a while. he said if we do that he will be done, I said you wouldnt pursue me? he said no he doent have any fight left in him. How on earth can a man say i love and conflict pain at the same time?
I totally agree. I just want the attention he gave me 14 years ago. He doesnt pursue me any more. I could forget and move a lot easier if he would show me I am loved, wanted and needed!
I don think he ever got over the ex.All he would talk about was her , that I should do things her way,and like his MOM !
I found out he was like that with the ex too.Verbally , emotionally ,and physically abusive. She was scared to death to finally divorce him.
When he 1st hit me 3 weeks after we were married ,we saw a chaplain.
The chaplain tried to get him to see he needed help ,that you just dont keep doing all the things he was doing. My husband refused to listen , and tried t shift blame. He always wants to play the victim. (he even admits that ).He would mock what the chaplain said as soon as we walked out the door,because it wasn;t what he wanted to hear. He told his sisters ,looking for support and found none...he hated that. That no one was on his side.
I hid tings for so long, yes I was ashamed. People told me he was an abuser ,had mental issues,I refused to open my eyes .He was controlling , from day 1,always checking to see who I was with and where, than acussing me of cheating I found out he would do that whan he would start his internet crap with other woman...It was like he was doing it so I must be too...and I wasn t