I wasn't quite sure where to post this, but Relationship seemed to fit the best. I have a cousin who I grew up with, we are very close in age. We weren't as close for a while in our adult years simply because I moved a lot, but over the past two years I have really become super close with her and done everything to get her out and include her in my group of friends. I invited her anywhere and everywhere especially because she really wants to meet a man and I only want her to be happy. She never ever reciprocated invites, never initiated spending time together, it was always a one-way street.
I started traveling a lot for business so I wasn't around as much and wouldn't go out as much. At a certain point, I got tired of always inviting her everywhere without her ever making an effort and she would rarely accept invites. This all became exhausting. Finally, she removed herself from my business fan page and unsubscribed to emails [which would only come once/month]. This was so hurtful, I couldn't understand why, as I never did anything obvious or malicious. I primarily distanced myself because I was traveling a ton and also felt it was a waste of time to invite her anywhere anyhow.
I am hugely supportive of all of my friends and family and their businesses and would never ever have gone there ever. That hit below the belt and was unnecessary. I don't think that she knows that I realized that she removed herself and I am supposed to see her at a family function. I am so hurt by her as I feel that I have been nothing but a good friend and tried so hard for her without any reciprocation. I am thinking of not going to the event and just don't know what to do. I don't want to confront her because I don't have the energy to deal with any drama whatsoever.
Should I just keep my distance and realize that blood relation does not mean a thing, it's the person and how they treat you that matters?
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue. I know that it can be difficult to deal with people - especially family - who don't seem to share the same zeal for the relationship as you do.
I would probably say that I would be more like your cousin than you, though. I have had friends who have tried to continue a relationship with me, and I have not been able to keep up with them. Its not that I don't want to, its just that my own emotional limitations kept me from reciprocating in a similar assertive way.
I love the friends I have, but I am deathly afraid of calling anyone just to chat because of the way I was treated as a child, and constantly told that I was not important and that I was an intruder. I don't want anyone to get off the phone with me and think to themselves that I was a bother. That thought freezes me and keeps me from reaching out.
I recently lost my husband, and my church friends and neighbors are constantly telling me that they are frustrated because they don't know how to help me. And I know that it is because I won't ask for help. I am too afraid. I am so afraid of rejection that I won't even try to ask.
I don't know all the dynamics of your friendship with your cousin, but I wouldn't be afraid to see her at your family gathering. Maybe she appreciates you but just doesn't know how to act in return. I don't know - I am just guessing. But if you are strong enough, maybe you could just see her casually to scope out her feelings, maybe you will need to make your relationship with her a little bit slower, sweeter and not so aggressive.
Hey Puppy,
i think she acted really childish, but sometimes we do these things in a moment of rage and then we realise what we did and think "dam it I regret that now". I would say go to the get together and have fun and if she makes polite conversation make it back.
Just try and keep this dispute as minimal as possible, like you didn't even realise she did it. And if she brings it up, say you noticed but you didn't want to bring it up here, but she can of course come and talk to you anytime about anything that is troubling her about you. That keeps you in the "i am willing to listen" section. And if she asks any questions answer them, you know you didn't do anything to hurt her so you've nothing to hide.
She seems like she is coming from a place of hurt if she is willing to throw her own cousin out of her life. And you are doing your best so don't question what you did either that's not your fault. The only way to control this is to minimise it's impact.
So go to the gathering and have fun. Who knows, she may totally regret it and may just think "oh thank God she is talking to me".
You are doing wonderful girlie and you're a great friend; do remember that.
Hi puppydoglvr, I can understand your feelings of hurt. Maybe by giving your cousin and yourself some space things will get better between the two of you. Whether you decide to go the gathering or not is your decision. Moongal could be right in that she may regret it and is glad you are talking to her. If you are a praying person, then I suggest praying on it. Also keep your expectations low. As always, keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Hey Pup, I'd meet it HEAD ON & communicate it to her at the gathering (take her off to the side & talk for a minute) how YOU feel, she'll either respect what your saying or not either way you'll be at peace that you've done all the right things to ease the situation. I had to do this w/my friend of 42yrs.
Thank you all so very much for your wonderfully supportive responses. I will give this friendship/relationship space, as I believe that it's the best approach. I feel like I have tried and tried for her from the goodness of my heart. I always told her that I was there for her if she ever needed anything from me.
I am not going to confront her or talk this through with her at this time, as I really can't handle any drama right now. My plate is overloaded and I feel overwhelmed, so I will go and I will smile and be nice, but that's as far as I can take it for now.
In the wise words of Bluidkiti, I have kept my side of the street clean. Regardless of how she feels or how she took things, I tried with the utmost of honest intentions, and that's all that I can do.
Thank you all again for your love and support. Wishing you all of the very best!