Hurting within

I feel like I am screaming on the inside a lot lately. I don't have many friends almost none to be exact (only been where I moved for a year).

The friends I do have and my family even make me feel like no one is there for me. I listen to their problems and help them through bad times, but when it comes to me hurting and needing help they just want to keep on about them selfs and wanting me to solve there problems.

There are only two people who I feel like they listen but both of them have too because one is my husband and the other one is my case manager. Don't get me wrong I love both of them, yes I do love my case manager she has become like a friend and I enjoy her visits, but she can only do so much. My husband has his own problems he is dealing with and my problems only seem small compared to his.

I just feel so tired of being everyones rock, I am not a rock and I am not made of stone. The only reason I do the stuff that others won't is because I have too or it wouldn't get done. but that doesn't mean I am not scared Sh**less and want to come back home and hide under my sheet.

I wish for once someone could be my rock without making me feel like my problems are petty and don't matter. I even feel like my therapist thinks my husbands problems are worse and doesn't listen to me.

More and more lately I have wanted to just start walking down the middle of the street and not stop till I ether drop dead from exhaustion or get hit by a bus...

So sorry you are going though such a hard time right now. Sounds like there is negativety all around you, too. May I ask why your case manager is so interested in your husband's problems? Do they affect you in some way? I understand what you are going though. It's been that way for me, for awhile now. My son kept me going, but he just left for boot camp two weeks ago. Since then, my daughter, away at college, has been calling more often which has been helpful. Other than, I really have noone, but my counsler. It hurts when I feel like the only people that will listen to me, are the ones I pay. Seems like when I call my sister or mom, I can't get a word in! All I hear are their problems, then they have to go, don't have anymore time to talk. Go figure. Specially when you are the one that called them needing to vent. This site has really helped me get something out, that noone else seems to have time to listen to. Also, it has created a special place for me, sort of a personal place to go and vent. I can talk about whatever I feel like, whether anyone wants to really hear it or not. Lol...
Keep your spirit up lady! Express yourself here and find joy in the little things. Start small and work your way up... Take people for who and what they are. Realize not everyone is aware of other people and their feelings, like others.
I understand your husband is going through a difficult time, also. You can't be helpful to him until you help yourself. If your are disturbed with your own problems, you can't be strong for someone else. You need to stop and take time to fix you. I know, I waited 15 years to stop to fix me, now it's really hard to go back and try to repair those old wounds. I'm sure it would have been easier to fix, when it happened, then now. Good luck with focusing on yourself. Sounds like the others are old enough to work on theirselves until you are up to helping them.
Take care and God bless.

Thank you for your words of kindness. The case manager is the only one who treats us equally. She always acts concerned about us both.

It is our therapist who I have doubt in (we both see her at different times). She likes to take time away from me to tell me the he is messed up and that I help him so much and always asks how he is doing before we talk about me in my own session. My husbands not even in the room!

It fills like every time I start to help myself some bull happens and I am sidelined and needed for other things.

I am sorry about your son hun, I am glad your daughter calls more often. =)

BTW my husband is Schizophrenic, where as I am bi-polar with a heavier side to depression.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's really tough feeling like no one cares. If you need to talk I am a great Listener.

Dear friend, sometimes you just need say no to people, and I understand that it is not very easy thing to do. You do not want to hurt anyone. First you need to give yourself a brake, slowly do little things that make you happy, good movie, nice music to listen to, or other things that you enjoy. You will become stronger and stronger, and if you have a chance say a prayer. God bless you always.

I can definitely identify what you are going through. In fact often my friends would call me with all their crazy problems a lot and then when I was dealing with stuff they were no help. In addition, often they would make it worse. I went through a really tough time a couple years ago where I had several problems occur at once and I didn't have any of them help in any way usually just causing problems and frustrating me. I'm not still dealing with these people but the anger they created in my life continues. Also I'm still struggling with a way to resolve the issues caused by the problems. Anyways it can be very exhausting to be the one that everyone expects to hold things together. Often seem to have this expectation that you don't need that much help. Maybe let others know including the therapist that you are having problems and even if they don't see your concerns as great that they are affecting you greatly and need some support and help with your problems too because everything effects each individual differently.

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder